Tired of being harrassed


I can’t wait to hear the firm’s response to your email. I am in a very similar situation, except my boyfriend moved back in with me just a few weeks after the drunk moved out. My soon to be ex has refused to pay any support for our 5 year old daughter since he left in mid-December. Like most alcoholics, he is wanting to blame me for our marital problems and would love to hurt my boyfriend. He, too, calls at inappropriate times or stops by the house at inappropriate times (drunk, of course) and tries to start arguments. He has even threatened an alienation of affections suit, but he (my soon to be ex) was the one who alienated me, not my boyfriend. Have you ever thought about filing a restraining order against your soon to be ex? You know, communicating threats is also a crime punishible by law, as it is just another alcoholic’s attempt to manipulate you. You might want to attend some Al-Anon meetings just to keep your sanity. God bless you, and good luck!


Dear smartiepants:

Greetings. First, go down to the courthouse and file a claim for domestic violence and ask for child support at the same time. You need to restrain him from communicating with you. You may be able to get the assistance of legal aid with the domestic violence action. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


May I also add that you need to record these phone conversations between the two of you. It IS legal. Once you have done so, hang up. You are NOT obligated to carry on ANY conversation with him. He LIKES getting you riled up. He gets satisfaction from it.

My other two suggestions are: 1) purchase the book “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. It is immensely helpful in understanding the mindset of people like them. It will also help YOU see clearly and respond appropriately, which is most likely not at all; and 2) visit www.drirene.com This website is a wealth of information on verbally and physically abusive relationships, includes a list of agencies and resources, legal references and a support group message board.

Be strong!


My estranged husband and I have been separated for nearly 2 yrs (not legally, but have maintained separate residences). I filed for absolute divorce in Jan., and our court date is 3-4-05. We have 2 children, ages 11 & 4. The man is an alcoholic & drug user. He was verbally abusive, & has 2 legally recorded incidents of physical abuse (charges dropped). During our separation, I met another man & began having a relationship w/ him, which is still active & we are very much in love. In December 2004, I began introducing this man to my children, b/c I see that we will have a future together. My estranged husband has gone off the proverbial “deep end” about this. He has always been irrational, and he has harrassed me constantly during the 2 year separation period, to the point that I am sometimes afraid. He calls me an average of 5 times a day, usually more, and screams into my voice mail w/ very verbally abusive comments. Things like…I am a whore, he hates me & wishes I would die, I am a bad mother, & he is making sure the girls know what a whore their mother is, I am a bitch, I ruined his life…etc. His messages are EXTREMELY abusive, and he is obviously a very angry man. He has called my place of employment & told my coworkers all of these things as well (which are not true). Basically he has harrassed me until I have developed a fear of him that is affecting my daily life. He has harrassed me to the point that I am afraid to pick up my children when he is keeping them; sometimes he will not let me have them; comments like, I can’t pick up the children “unless I pay him $300.” He has continuously harrassed my family & friends as well. This has been going on for nearly 2 years. He threatens that he will file suit for “alienation of affection” b/c I was “cheating” on him. We were not happily married at the time that my relationship began. We were not “officially” separated, however we were in the process. I do not know if he has legal claim to do so? Also, can I sue him for harrassment?
In addition, he states that he is going to file for child support, full custody, and alimony. He has been threatening these things for years, however never takes action. I left our home, b/c he refused to do so. We did have some marital debts incurred, however when I left I refused to pay them any longer. He has filed for bankruptcy in the interim, and says it is my fault, and I am legally obligated to pay him for those debts. I think he is obligated to pay me for half of the equity in our home.
In addition, he says he is going to file a restraining order against my boyfriend barring him from seeing my children. Is this legally permissable? Am I doing anything legally inappropriate by spending time around my boyfriend & children? This is not a newly formed relationship; we have been together nearly 2 years. I am not morally reprehensible, and would never jeopardize the happiness & safety of my children.
I am tired of feeling intimidated, and tired of the CONSTANT harrassment. What are my legal rights and obligations? I would like full custody of the children. He is not a “bad” parent, in that he loves his children, however he passes out & leaves them unsupervised (several witnesses to this behavior in the past 6 months even, including his mother, my stepfather, etc.), he is frightning when he drinks, and I believe he has suffered from some sort of brain damage from the drinking & drug use. I am at my wits end, and want to know what my legal rights are, and his legal claims are against me.

Thank you for any input.