Visitation Boundaries

Thanks for your professional opinion on my last post. I have yet another couple questions to help deal with the stress in my life…

The custody agreement from Jan 2010 with my wife states the children live with me and she has them as follows:
Tues - 4-7
Fri 4-7
Alternating Weekends from Fri 4pm to Mon 8:30am,
(temporarily Sat 8:30-11:30am Sun 8:30-11:30am until such time suitable housing is secured)

She has never taken the 2 kids for the weekends for the past 3 months, as she says she does not have the room for them. I am unable to confirm this, as she refuses to disclose where she is living. Question 1: what is adequate time to secure suitable housing? What should I do to put a deadline to this? Our custody agreement was signed mid Jan at the dismissisal of the DVPO hearing.

She now states she wants to give the kids “a break” and not do Sat and Sun mornings, stating the children have asked her to do this. We have an agreement that she will not return to our house and is only allowed on the public roadway at the end of the driveway. She regualarly drives by the house, almost stalking manner and will stop by unannounced, mostly during meal times and calls from the end of the driveway demanding that I send the kids out to see her. Question 2: Should I continue to let this happen? I believe she just wants casual -at her convenience- 15-20 minute visits with the kids. She stresses when she has both of them for 3 hours at a time, as she does not know what to do with them.


The order does not require that she obtain housing separately from securing her visitation. In other words, she does not have to secure appropriate housing unless she wants the time outlined with the kids. So there is no deadline to impose.

You do not have to allow her spontaneous visits and may insist that she stop.

follow up Q :
It has now been 8 months since separation, she filed for physical custody and since separation/filing date has NEVER taken the kids overnight per our original agreement. Does she still have a chance in be awarded full custody? Does her failing to find suitable housing in order to have the kids overnight for the past 8 months weigh in on the judges decision towards granting of custody? Also, she has shown up for about 50% of scheduled visitation over the past 8 months. (I have documented this)

We did attempt mediation and she demanded visitation time “in MY home” with the children, I was unable to accept that request and we were unable to come to custody agreement through mediation and now have a court date in Jan to have a judge resolve.

Any insight/opinions to the likelihood/chances/probabilility that she will be awarded physical custody?


I cannot make predictions about the chances for any potential outcomes in a case. I will say that her failure to visit the children and make arrangements to find suitable housing can be used to show the court she cannot provide for the children’s best interests, or at the least, that she has no desire to do so.