Visitation


#1

The court will expect you to encourage and support visitation. This can mean many different things: that you encourage the children to spend time with their father, you make the children available for visitation with him, you do not speak negatively about the father in front of the children, you do not plan things for the children during times when they are supposed to be with their father. If you can say that you have done everything you can to encourage and support visitation, then you don’t have to force the issues. You can’t make spend time with the children. If he does not exercise visitation for a year and then tries to get a regular visitation schedule, it would be much less likely that he gets it.

The visitation schedule set up by the court will be based not only on your spouse’s behavior, but on yours as well.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

thanks,

So I should just continue to call him and ask when he would like to visit with the girls and keep him informed of their summer activites or can I let it up to the girls to contact him.

I will document everything I do. He closed his email as he didn’t want me to contact him that way but I can send him letters and make a copy of things I discuss with him.

He is just very controlling and it is hard for me to continue on with my life having to deal with this.

He has said “I will not beg for the girls, they need to come to me” He doesn’t understand they are hurting


#3

It sounds like there are a lot of hurt parties and feelings in this equation. It will be better for you and in the long run your children, if you encourage them to stay in touch with their father. Not doing so may come back to bite you as he can allege that you have been alienating them from him. They are really too young (esp the 13 and 11 yr olds) to make the decision about whether or not to visit dad . Keep in mind that they see and feel your hurt and anger even if you don’t say a word. If you already have this temporary visitation order in effect then I would just leave it up to him to visit or make arrangements with you to see the children. Inform him of their schedule by certified mail. Leave time available for those 4 hr visits and inform him that you are doing so. Request that he contact you in advance to let you know when he would like to see the children beyond those 4 hrs so you can arrange to have them dropped off or picked up. Perhaps suggest to him and your children that they have a plan to call their father at least one night a week on a specified night. It will take a long time for this situation to heal.


#4

You need to actively encourage and promote visitation. This may mean calling your children down to the kitchen at 8pm and telling them that it is time to call their father and you would like them to do it. If you do not actively encourage this, you run the risk of the court determining that your inaction is sending a message to the children.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5

Husband left the home in Oct and began cohabitation. We have 3 minor children (girls - 16, 13, 11) I have asked that the girls not be allowed to visit at his home because of adultery (his girlfriend is separated, not divorced yet) The girls have gone to a psychologist from Dec to now. They are very angry and bitter, still, at their father. He only lives a mile away but has attended only 5% of their school events, extracurricular activiteis, etc. He clearly is putting his needs and his new life before them.

In May, prior to a hearing on child support/visitation we settled the visitation issue by him agreeing to see the children 4 hours every other weekend, and any other time that he wishes. Also a parenting coordinator was assigned but he has not contacted us yet.Prior to the settlement on this we were asking that the visitation be left up to the wishes of the children. He agreed to not have girlfriend accompany any visits. SInce this agreement (1 month ago) he has not called them and the only time he has seen them was at our oldest childs’ (he’s 18) high school graduation -he took the girls but brought them back after the service. This weekend was their dance recital. I bought him 2 tickets for each night of the recital - one for him and one for our youngest to sit with him when her dances were over. He agreed with this. The youngest refused to sit beside him at the recital and he then got up (threw the floweres in her lap) and left (he didn’t even see the other 2 daughters) He then called and said he was not going to the second performance even though I talked to the youngest about sitting with him.

Husband now says he does not"want to bother with visitation" until after the divorce (year mark would be Oct) and then will press for “regular visitation” I feel like I am doing all the work to keep a relationship open between them. He has refused to meet with their counselor and I bet he will refuse the parenting coordinator as he was hit a financial blow (his words) at the PSS and child support hearing. He says he has no money left.

At what point does the court see that this man is a grown adult ( a professional in the community, who works with children) and he is not exerting any effort to be with his own children. Their psychologist even called him to set a time to talk about this and he refused. He wants to say I am alienating them from him but I feel he is being the selfish one. Will the courts likely “force” regular visitation (I guess staying at his house every other weekend) after the divorce if he is not making any effort during the separation to see them. These are not little children, they are mature and sensitive pre-teens and teenage girls.

He is controlling and hard to deal with so with financial matters now I just defer to my atty. DO I have to be the go between with the children or can I just wait for him to contact them. He has their phones numbers and knows where we live of course.