Wow…let me say how sorry I am to hear that any spouse would do this to a member of our military. I know that it happens but it’s a terrible thing.
The first thing you should do when you get back is to see an attorney. I do not know much about military law so things may be different. A separation agreement can be drawn up outlining any equitable distribution.
Whatever documentation or proof you do have is useful. You don’t have to have pictures of the act itself, but if you have proof of overnight visits that would be enough to prove an affair. See if you can find out who this person is…is he also military? She should have no claim for alimony given that she does work and with the proof of affair.
Your children are older so there is a good possibility that they can remain with you. But they would need to be in her care if you are deployed again…
Ask her to leave. If you are on a base, I don’t beleive that she could stay if you are separating, but again, I don’t know much about military law. There are others on here who do know about this more…
If she will not leave, you could file for Divorce from Bed & Board based on some of the reasons you mentioned but that is so time consuming and expensive that I suggest that if there is that much of an arguement about it, just leave. Get that separation agreement in the works. The home belongs to you both regardless of whose name is on the mortgage. It is marital property and the equity will have to be divided.
The law says that all marital assets and debts must be divided. Regardless of fault. A good way to look at dividing up assets such as furniture, is to ask yourself three questions…1. Can I live without this? 2. Can I replace this without a lot of time or money? 3. Is this worth fighting over?
The children, they are older and obviously know what’s going on. Talk to them. Let them know that you understand they love their mother and are not going to keep them from her but you do not feel at this time that she is capable of making sound judgements as to their care and maintenance. She is going through a “crisis” of a sort and they do not have to be subjected to that but that you are there for them. The most important thing is that when this comes up, they will need to tell her that they want to live with you. You can fight for custody, but at their age, they have a bigger influence over whether that actually becomes a court battle.
I will keep you in my thoughts and keep us posted!
Thank for your support mama I am still in shock over this myself I would have never thought that my wife would do this. This have become a big problem in the military with this war going on some soldiers come back to nothing and lost every thing they had for some reason the systems over look the soldiers and we end up one the losing end. Trying my best to not let this happen to me and to help other soldiers with the same problems next month is going to be hard for a lot of us here. There
I would suggest visiting the website stolenspouse.com/ they can help you in this situation if she has cheated then by all means utilize the law … Good luck been there got the torn up t shirt
Thanks for the web site. I have read a lot Q/A on this site want kind of chance will I have the following questions
Once I get back I understand I most live normal as possible until I consult with an attorney this mean I will have to sleep with her and would this be held against me knowing that something with her is not right in my opinion she committed adultery, abandonment, alienation of affection and criminal conversation and thoughtlessly spending money?
Will the kids be able to live with me once I am back or do I have to wait for a court date?
Would I be able to have her remove from the house under bed and board?
Will she end up with half my military retirement?
What else should I be looking out for to protect my self and my kids once I return from Iraq?
You can ask her to leave, if she refuses to leave you can leave yourself or you can file an action for a Divorce from Bed and Board and ask the court to order her to leave the residence. If you have evidence of adultery, the court may grant your request. However, this can be a lengthy and time consuming process. You may be able to leave yourself, however you should consult with an attorney before deciding to move out.
The issues you mentioned are all instances of marital fault, if she committed adultery it would have an impact on her right to alimony if she was entitled to it. In order to determine what impact the other issues would have on your case, you would need to meet with an attorney to discuss the specific facts of your case.
The two of you are free to agree to any custodial schedule you wish, however if you went to court, the court would determine custody based on the best interest of the minor children.
I would recommend you meet with an attorney to discuss how to best approach this situation. Your next steps will be based on the specific facts of your case.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044
Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Sorry to hear about your situation highspeed. Have you talked to JAG about it? No need to spend any money just yet. They see this every day. I wonder if time served in the box could count as separation time? Then you could just come back and file.
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044
Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
If you seriously suspect adultery, the money you spend on a private investigator who manages to get proof of adultery, will be far less than what you would have spent on alimony.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044
Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Soldier war at home, I have a question about separation and then divorce. My wife and I have been married for 16 yrs right now I am in Iraq on my way back home from a 15 deployment next month. My wife during pass 9 months have been seeing and talking some guy back there on the phone all time and staying over night some where no one can reach her saying she