Where do I begin... I am scared

Hello! I am new to this forum and to divorce. Rundown of my situation as quickly as possible… I am living with a drug addicted mentally abusive spouse. We have been married for over 3 years and things are at an all time high. I have threatened to leave him several times but due to lack of money or a place to go… I have yet to make that threat reality . I am also scared that when the day comes, he is going to flip… I have decided that in my best interest, it would be better for me to leave while he is at work… That way I can grab my stuff and put it all in a u haul. I already have several boxes packed and I am patiently waiting for a little money to come in …Then I am going to move out of state… I am considering starting my life over in VA… People ask why don’t I just go and get a restraining order… Well that could make matters worse for me believe it or not… Also I have no proof of existing abuse except for a daughter that refuses to get involved… Anyway this is the way that I plan to leave him. So, with that being said, my first question is after I leave and he has dealt with the initial reaction of me finally leaving him… Then where do I start? Considering I will be in VA? I do not want alimony, nor do we have any children. We also do not own anything together… So how do I begin the process? How do I get separation papers started? Finally, I know he will not sign them… Please help answer my questions… I am going to be running to save my life and divorce is the only answer for this marriage…


You can try and negotiate a separation agreement; we provide a sample separation agreement on our website that you may find helpful. If you do not want spousal support or need equitable distribution to divide marital assets, then you can simply file for divorce at the appropriate time (if you move to Virginia you will need to find out what is required to file there).

Boy I’d love to speak to you by phone. I am not an attorney. But a woman who has been where you are and I totally get that your scared. My name is Robin. I have some advice for you. This was what I did and it was what I think you might be looking for. But be careful. If you are in an abusive relationship, If you think he could hurt you? Leave. Get away from him. If you are seeking nothing, than just go. Catch your breath, Think, and don’t make any decisions until you do so. Just breath.
You do not have to rush this. In NC, as long as your living separate and apart from him for 1 year. It’s all they need for this type of divorce. It’s called an “Absolute Divorce” It may cost you as little as 200.00 up to about 500.00. It was 13 years ago when I got mine and it was 130.00. You never see a courtroom, and you by no means need his “approval”. You can find these online and in a phone directory. Comair a few for price and they will be happy to explain this to you when you call. You may need proof of where your living in a year to apply for divorce. They will serve him by mail or send and officer to serve him for an additional fee. Believe me the fee is worth it. He cannot claim he didn’t receive it in the mail. He has to sign in front of the officer that it was delivered. Some attorneys may let you send registered mail as a signature. But there again, he can refuse the paperwork. This is paperwork he receives informing him of your intentions. That’s it. He does not have to agree with it. He may try to contest it but I doubt it. It brings him legal fees and he may in fact lose and owe you. Most drug addicts hate courtrooms. Nuff said. As far as you. You will most likely see the court room so It would not matter where you lived. You won’t have to travel to court. It will need to be filed in the county of residence or his county in NC. I waited my year and paid the attorney, supplied proof of my whereabouts that were different from his. Filled out a little paper and mailed it back. The attorney gave it to the judge, he signed it, and I was single again. That easy. But you get nothing! Remember this. You cannot change your mind, and change anything you may realize you need. Your done. That is why it is so important that you think this thing through when you can clearly think. Wherever you are is counting towards the 1 yr separation. You have a year to think. Do it. This is a way you can go, but be advised. It leaves you no room to renegotiate, This is an absolute “no fault” divorce and it is the route I took out of desperately trying to escape this marriage. So, you owe it to yourself to get somewhere safe and calm down and think, without his influence. Now you do have another option in NC. I really hope you read online about a different kind of settlement. It is called a , Divorce from Bed and Board. Read it thoroughly. It will let you stay put. Not allow him to bother you. Provide support, He cannot cut lights, cable, internet, anything off.
If you don’t think he will listen to the order to leave you be? You can still go somewhere else and do this. He will be made to keep you in support. He can also be jailed until he gets the hint. You remain married so he has to keep you to the accustom you are now living. He cannot make any decision about the home and you can take your time moving out. Only take what you feel is half. You may be made to repay it at the end of the year. This year also serves as the separation period. You are not bound by it should he seek rehab and maybe you want to give it another shot but if you do. You have to start all over again. In this divorce you will read about “at fault”. If you are at fault as well as him for any of the 6 reasons then it may not work. But if you have a fault and he has 3 then it may. You just owe this to yourself to read it. You will have to retain an attorney up front. Provide proof, and in most cases when a spouse is found solely “at fault”. That spouse is made to pay back your legal fees as well. In other words. He is found at fault for this marriage not working due to abuse of drugs…etc. Otherwise it would have worked so he is liable for that marital contract being broken. Just read the 6 reason you may find him at fault, If you qualify then read all of it. You owe it to yourself. God Bless hun. I hope this helps

My post, posted before it I saved my edits…sorry for the boo boo’s The statement in it where it said you would most likely see a courtroom. Was meant to say you will NOT have to see a courtroom. sorry. You can orchestrate a NC divorce with a NC attorney for a no contested divorce from VA without going to court. I’ve done it. Sorry for the mistake.

We can’t speak to what is required to file for divorce in Virginia, but it your spouse remains in North Carolina, you may be able to file here. You can file for divorce in North Carolina so long as one party has lived in North Carolina for six months prior to filing, and you have been separated for one year.