Who gets what?


WOW. You have a very complex situation that probably has to be dealt with in sections rather than as a whole. Keep in mind that you will have to work very hard to prove any of this, and it will be very expensive.

Here’s where you shot yourself in the foot. First, HE didn’t accumulate the debt, you BOTH did since you were married. You could have requested a credit report and seen what he was doing. Second, you should have called the police and had him arrested for aggravated assault with a weapon. He would have gone to jail for five years. Third, if he was truly as outrageous and violent as you say (and I honestly believe you) then you could have looked into having him involuntarily committed.

Finally, he has all the things you agreed to give him. And that’s it. You might be able to prove to a court that you were under duress which could make a contract null and void, but again, you’d have to prove your case. If he has an arrest record, that helps; if you could videotape his behavior, that might help…

But remember that all of this takes MONEY. If you truly believe that he is nuts and a threat to your child, consider terminating his parental rights. He’d probably concur. If you’re scared, record the conversation, and use the evidence to ask a district magistrate for a restraining order.


you must beat him to the punch, Get a lawyer, ask for everything you can,child support, alimoney, full custody, and him to pay half of everything you got together while married, and ask for him to pay your attorney fees. once he gets hit with all of that then he will see you are serious then send him a proposal letter (keep a copy) stating you will drop everything if he gives you a uncontested divorce, and full custody of your child with supervised visitation (sence hes crazy)thats if that what you want. Don’t offer to give him anything ask for everything. Document all his actions(very important).If hes like I think he don’t want nothing but to make you misserable, and those type of people can be very dangerous. That should be your mind set( hes, dangerous, crazy and looking to hurt me and my child).


Please be careful. This tactic might work but it might enrage him. Since there is a history of making threats with a weapon I would strongly advise you not to agitate him. You really need to talk to an attorney. I recommend cutting your losses and moving on, but that’s me.


Thank you. I’m calling to make an appointment today. I’ve saved all of the messages and threats, then immediate apologies, that he’s been leaving me on voicemail.

He has moved in with his mother to “get things straight”, and still thinks we’ll be able to get back together, even though I told him not until he gets off the dope, and does that with help b/c he’s tried it on his own, and never worked.

I told him that I don’t trust him, that I can’t live out of fear of him, esp. under the same roof.

I have NO money, he only put $50 into our joint account once, then turned around the next day and used it himself.

We pay out $3600/month in debt, and he has no income coming in to pay for that, hasn’t done so in 4 months, so it is just ME paying for that (luckily, God’s helping … I’ve rec’d 3 very higher-than-normal commission checks that I wasn’t counting on, since all of this has been going on). I only bring home $2150/mo. So, you see my dilemma.

Thank you for your help, and Pray for him, and my daugther and myself. I know we’ll make it.


Dear Mardi:

Greetings. First, yes he is entitled to equitable distribution and possibly alimony. My suggestion is that you file a domestic violence action and that you also send him a domestic criminal trespass letter through your attorney.

Next, I would immediately go down to Child Support Enforcement and get them working on the child support issue. Good luck!

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I’ve recently separated, 6 wks ago. We’ve been married 7 years, and over the course of that time, my husband kept acquiring new debt, mostly nothing to show for it, and only working for an average of 8 months out of each year.

I paid the debt, never missed a day from work, and cover all the bills now … have done so for the last 6 months.

I’m almost certain he is manic depressive, and has some outrageous compulsive behaviors … many of which why we can no longer be under the same roof, it wasn’t safe.

My question is: I’m paying all the bills, and pretty much have done so … if you look at a debt-ratio of his income vs. mine over the last 7 years, and look at our debt load, it will be clear that he wasn’t pulling his “fair share”.

We also have a 20 month old beautiful daughter together. There was never a question over who would keep her, b/c I pay for daycare, I’m the one who works, and he NEVER even gave her a bath (even though he loves her dearly in his own way, I’m sure). Also, he smoked pot off and on (which I found out about way too late), and I did not want that in our lives ever.

Our last bad fight ended when he held a gun to my head, telling me they’d never find my body.

He’s since calmed down.

Of course, in my opinion, he doesn’t deserve anything, but I was willing to let him drive off in the truck I just paid off, and gave him title to the old sports car I paid the loan off for.

He came to me with nothing but himself, 7 yrs ago, and I’ve almost worked myself to the bone to pay for what we have acquired during this time.

He’s not offered to pay any child support, and has only given me $50 since he’s been gone … he is working for family in another county, so I"m not even sure what he’s making, but family tells me it isn’t much, maybe $139/wk, if that much.

Is he entitled to anything? I don’t want to get ugly with him, b/c he gets upset easily, but … I dont’ want to give away any more than he’s already used up …