This is such a rough age for young girls. You are on the right track by going to counseling. Are you going together or is she just going by herself? I think that a little of both may be beneficial. It may be appropriate to have some boundaries with her as far as your time together. For example, could you call her a few days before you are supposed to see her and ask her what she would like to do during her time with you. Maybe you could take her and her friends to the movies or the mall or some other activity and that way get to still spend time with her. Let her know that you have things planned to do with her - if you do. Even if it is just pizza and movie nite at your home. Her behavior sounds typical of that age though. If your family were still intact she would probably be behaving the same way. I would think she feels torn between wanting to spend time with you, mom , and her friends.
Mal hit this one right on the head. It is so critical for you to let her know that even though the two of you are not living in the same house that you think of her constantly, and that she is the most important thing in your life. Girls NEED their fathers. All you have to do is see a girl who gets pregnant early, or drops out, or dates loser after loser, and in her past is a father who either disappeared, beat her, abused her, or ignored her. She will do whatever she can to please a man because she’s trying to please YOU. I think you’re a good guy and you have this under control.
[i]Originally posted by beezak[/i] [br] I am taking her to coounseling and have been for several months.
I DARE YOU TO SAY “coounseling” AGAIN!
The important thing is you’ve got her in counseling. Make sure both you and mom let her know that the divorce is not her fault and that mom and dad both love her the same as you did when the two of you were together. As hard as it may seem, you have to let her know that getting back together will not happen. If you even hint that you are entertaining that idea, (just to calm her down) then you’re going to drag this out even longer. Let her know that you’ll always be there for her, spend time with her, and do things with her, but let her know you completely understand if she wants to spend time with her friends from time to time, too.
Been separated for nearly 18 months. My 12yo daughter is taking it rough. She pleads with me to come back home wih her Mom. She goes through periods of this and then when she has things to do with friends and what-not she seems fine. I am getting mixed signals from her. I know she would like for us all to be together but then if she has something better to do she doesn’t mention things so much and she even forfeits time with me and does things with her friends instead. I want her to do things with her friends but I feel she does this pleading and stuff when she has nothing else to do. I am taking her to coounseling and have been for several months. She calls me and begs me to come home and calls to see where I am. I have explained to her that things are not like we would like them to be and that Mom and dad love her are gonna take care of her and be there for her but she still persists. Any comments, suggestions.