A GOOD Man, GOOD Dad Gets Screwed


#1

Although I personally haven’t experienced this I do have some idea of how you must feel.

It doesn’t matter with laws regarding divorce or child custody issues in North Carolina. Unless there is a very extreme circumstance against the female she will, 95% of the time, come out smelling like a rose regardless of whether the situation at hand was her fault or not. It just doesn’t matter.

I feel for your brother. If it’s any solice he can request written documentation from your sister showing where and what the child support is being spent on. If she can’t provide this information then there’s a decent chance it could be lowered or withdrawn.

Also, eventhough it may do nothing now, the children involved will grow up and eventually learn what happened and why. When this happens I wouldn’t want to be her.


#2

Dear Disbelievers:

Greetings. First, I want to let you both know that men are now getting more and more time in court with the children. From the father being the primary custodian or equal division of time, more and more of my male clients are getting A LOT of time with their children. Tell him not to give up, persist, and make his time quality and not quantity. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#3

Your brother needs to document,document,document!! If that means hiring a PI-he should do it. If it means recording his calls with her,he should do it. It does him No good to sit back and WAIT for justice-sometimes you need to FIGHT for it!! Justice is NOT luck gone your way-it’s a good fight,and he needs to pull up his bootstraps and get in there!!
Good luck:)
Hadenuff

I will survive~~~


#4

I feel your pain because my husband has been in a similar situation in the past and present with his exwife of 10 years. The net of it is that she got everything, he got nothing. She quit work and went to graduate school after the divorce, and he worked four jobs at once to keep up all the payments to her. All of these years, he has spent LOTS of time with the children, because it has now been realized by our family that they are merely a burden to her, however they have been told their whole lives that their dad is a loser, louse, jerk, who didn’t take care of “Them”, you name it. When in fact the very opposite is true. She was the cheater, etc…just like your story. It hurts me to the core, to this day, to hear the accusations she will make up in her head, just to create some drama for one day, when she needs an audience. And who really gets hurt in all this? His children, just like your nephew. It is truly heartbreaking. And my husband will not say one mean word to her. He turns the other cheek.
I spoke with one lawyer who suggested that he ask to have their divorce agreement amended, so that they (mainly she) can only speak to one another regarding ONLY issues with the children, ie: the issue at hand ONLY, otherwise, she would be in contempt of the agreement. It’s our only recourse at this point, to keep her from harassing us.
It won’t keep her from purposely putting the kids in the middle of her mindgames that she so very often tries to play with my husband…she’ll find a way to do it, but it may stop the screaming, yelling, hateful phonecalls. I hope? Maybe it’s something you can look into. We’ll never change these people, we can only pray for the right outcome in the end. Good luck to you, and me!

quote:
Originally posted by iluvmybro_n_nephew
I am a sister to a GOOD man who did nothing but love his family and gave his ALL to be the very best husband/provider and father that he could, only to find that his young bride of 3 years was an unfaithful, lying, scheming, conniving adulteress. My brother's wife got CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF ADULTERY on Mother's Day eve 2003. An annonymous phone call at 2AM tipped him off. It's rather interesting that when she tells her story, my brother is the adulter and a bully. NOT! My brother did nothing but love this woman. Him being the good man that he is and coming from the good family that he did whereby good hometraining was instilled in him, he took his marriage vows seriously and he took his responsibilities as husband and father seriously.

Here’s what gets me. Since my brother’s wife is the cause of his family’s demise, why does the law favor HER having custody of their son when she’s the perpetrator? Why does the system allow her to financially destroy my brother, drain him of possessions (including gifts that were given TO HIM for birthdays and Christmases), not pay her portion of the bills causing their home to go into foreclosure? Why does the system allow my brother’s wife to take the child support check and skittle on about her way to buy manicures, pedicures, hairdos, new clothes and a new car? Meanwhile, my brother has had to return to his mom’s house to live! MY BROTHER DOES HAVE A LAWYER, but apparently there’s nothing that can be done (according to the lawyer) but ride this crap out.

Why is the damn system so against GOOD MEN!!! My brother has been labeled as guilty when HE IS THE VICTIM – he and my nephew! My nephew is being denied continued access to his ONE TRUE PARENT – his dad! All of this is totally unfair. My brother is being denied participation in the daily growth and development of his son because his wife has chosen to cop out of the marriage to play the role of a home-wrecking hoochie.

How can this woman get away with this? The laws need to be changed!!! So, my questions are these… 1) Are there any PRO SEPARATED/DIVORCED DAD organizations in the state or nationwide that address these issues? 2) Who do I contact to voice my complaints about how the judicial system works against GOOD DADS who desire full custody of their children? 3) Why doesn’t the judicial system recognize the TRUE parent in separation/divorce cases? Why is it automatically presumed that the mother is the best choice for being the child’s primary custodian when that isn’t always necessarily true?

Like in my brother’s case, HE IS THE PARENT — not the mother! His wife is a hip-hop, thug-loving, party-hopping hoochie who has a penchant for dropping their son off at relatives’ or her friends’ places while she goes out to do “her thang,” instead of letting the dad have that time with his son (which is the decent thing to do). I want to do something to help change these laws. It’s just not right.

My brother provided EXCEPTIONALLY for his family and had put them in a fine home in a wonderful neighborhood only 1.5 years after being married. He was in night school taking courses towards his college degree in order to better himself so that he could continuously advance professionally to provide even better for his family in the long term. My brother had planned for their financial future and sacrificed his needs to make sure that his wife and son had the “luxuries” (within reason) that they desired. My brother’s wife can’t see that she’s robbed her own son of HIS family and home. She’s so blind and ignorant that she can’t see how she has destroyed her own life. There’s nothing I can do to change her, but if there’s a way I can lend a voice to make positive changes in the laws for the sake of cases like my brother’s, then I want to do so. Thanks for listening, and I look forward to your reply.



#5
quote:
Originally posted by hadenuff
Your brother needs to document,document,document!! If that means hiring a PI-he should do it. If it means recording his calls with her,he should do it. It does him No good to sit back and WAIT for justice-sometimes you need to FIGHT for it!! Justice is NOT luck gone your way-it's a good fight,and he needs to pull up his bootstraps and get in there!! Good luck:) Hadenuff

I will survive~~~


I agree with hadenuff… however if you record the calls you must tell him you are doing so or they won’t be admissible in court…but when he leaves messages they are since he knows he is being recorded so keep them.

No one wins in divorce only the Lawyers do!


#6

I was divorced 6 years ago.
I gave 1/2 my retirement to my X
I took all the maritial debt, leaving my X debt free.
I will be finished paying the debt off this July
I have a PSYCO for a X, and this is what I had to do.
You cant believe how much you need to document.
All letters need to be sent with a return reciept.
All phone conversations need to be recorded…(you can record your own but not someone elses)
Place a video camera in your living room, or by the front door and record the exchanges, if they dont happen at your house, buy a voice activated mini recorder and put it in your pocket.

Given them rope…they will hang themselves


#7

</font id=“Arial Black”>If your brother resides in a state which has [xx(]“No Fault” divorce law, basically he is out of luck. In states with this law, the partner with the money is always the defendant. In these states, the marriage vows stand for nothing, nor do any other principles of contract law, and even the US Constitution is ignored. Rather than encourage persons to stay in a marriage, it rewards the party who can gain the most by leaving even the best of spouses. Being good in the marriage, is basically being bad in the eyes of the law.
If I don’t kill myself before this my second divorce, I hope to devote all my spare time to repealing all “No Fault” divorce laws, and bring religious principles back to our marriages.
I believe in marriage, in fact love marriage, but considering the tax law and the divorce law, I think everyone should “shack up” until the laws are changed.

Sam


#8

I am a sister to a GOOD man who did nothing but love his family and gave his ALL to be the very best husband/provider and father that he could, only to find that his young bride of 3 years was an unfaithful, lying, scheming, conniving adulteress. My brother’s wife got CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF ADULTERY on Mother’s Day eve 2003. An annonymous phone call at 2AM tipped him off. It’s rather interesting that when she tells her story, my brother is the adulter and a bully. NOT! My brother did nothing but love this woman. Him being the good man that he is and coming from the good family that he did whereby good hometraining was instilled in him, he took his marriage vows seriously and he took his responsibilities as husband and father seriously.

Here’s what gets me. Since my brother’s wife is the cause of his family’s demise, why does the law favor HER having custody of their son when she’s the perpetrator? Why does the system allow her to financially destroy my brother, drain him of possessions (including gifts that were given TO HIM for birthdays and Christmases), not pay her portion of the bills causing their home to go into foreclosure? Why does the system allow my brother’s wife to take the child support check and skittle on about her way to buy manicures, pedicures, hairdos, new clothes and a new car? Meanwhile, my brother has had to return to his mom’s house to live! MY BROTHER DOES HAVE A LAWYER, but apparently there’s nothing that can be done (according to the lawyer) but ride this crap out.

Why is the damn system so against GOOD MEN!!! My brother has been labeled as guilty when HE IS THE VICTIM – he and my nephew! My nephew is being denied continued access to his ONE TRUE PARENT – his dad! All of this is totally unfair. My brother is being denied participation in the daily growth and development of his son because his wife has chosen to cop out of the marriage to play the role of a home-wrecking hoochie.

How can this woman get away with this? The laws need to be changed!!! So, my questions are these… 1) Are there any PRO SEPARATED/DIVORCED DAD organizations in the state or nationwide that address these issues? 2) Who do I contact to voice my complaints about how the judicial system works against GOOD DADS who desire full custody of their children? 3) Why doesn’t the judicial system recognize the TRUE parent in separation/divorce cases? Why is it automatically presumed that the mother is the best choice for being the child’s primary custodian when that isn’t always necessarily true?

Like in my brother’s case, HE IS THE PARENT — not the mother! His wife is a hip-hop, thug-loving, party-hopping hoochie who has a penchant for dropping their son off at relatives’ or her friends’ places while she goes out to do “her thang,” instead of letting the dad have that time with his son (which is the decent thing to do). I want to do something to help change these laws. It’s just not right.

My brother provided EXCEPTIONALLY for his family and had put them in a fine home in a wonderful neighborhood only 1.5 years after being married. He was in night school taking courses towards his college degree in order to better himself so that he could continuously advance professionally to provide even better for his family in the long term. My brother had planned for their financial future and sacrificed his needs to make sure that his wife and son had the “luxuries” (within reason) that they desired. My brother’s wife can’t see that she’s robbed her own son of HIS family and home. She’s so blind and ignorant that she can’t see how she has destroyed her own life. There’s nothing I can do to change her, but if there’s a way I can lend a voice to make positive changes in the laws for the sake of cases like my brother’s, then I want to do so. Thanks for listening, and I look forward to your reply.