Abandonment


#1

If you tell her you want to leave, and you have provisions for helping to maintain the home you live in, and you pay child support (if you have kids together), then abandonment is not an issue. She can NOT prevent you from seeing your kids—period.

My suggestion is to go to a lawyer, have a separation agreement written up outlining visitation, and financial provisions. That way, you have documentation that this separation is not ‘out of the blue’ and that you’ve made provisions to not leave her ‘out in the cold’ (ie: abandonment).

Now…the tricky part. She does not have to sign it (and from what you describe–she probably won’t). I don’t know your financial situation with mortgages and such. If she works, then she is responsible for part of the obligation. If she does not work, then you may be setting yourself up for a huge financial load with alimony and mortgages, bills etc.

It sounds like your wife needs some SERIOUS mental health. She has already threatened to use the kids and I believe she probably will if she is so adamant about you ending the marriage. Her anger management may come back and bite her in the ass if she doesn’t address it, and I would certainly mention it to your lawyer.

BOTTOM LINE: Get a lawyer’s advice and paperwork done to put on record a date of desire to leave.

My situation was similar. I had an agreement in hand for 4 months. She would never sign it-so I finally left. My agreement showed evidence that my intent was to leave 4 months prior and I had provided generously in the agreement so abandonment could not be an issue. My life was miserable for those 4 months (and several years prior). It has been hard, but emotionally, I’m in a MUCH better place. Be strong.


#2

Since this is mostly due to children from a previous marriage, you could use that as a reason to file for divorce from bed & board. My question to you is this: Why would you leave the home and leave the children with her? This could look like you are choosing your first two children over your second two children…
I don’t understand any person that marries with knowledge of children from a previous relationship and then wants to dictate how those children are involved. I’m sorry to hear that this is your situation but as needinganswers posted, she can’t keep you from your children. You have options and you should consult an attorney to see what those options really are.
Search through this site…there’s been a previous post (don’t remember how long ago) about a father wanting to leave because of this same situation.


#3

Yeah I would definitely have provisions for maintaining the house we currently share. She doesn’t work and I know I would have a big financial load but at this point I would rather live under a bridge than where I am now. stepmother I think you are referring to a post I made a while back. I’m still in the same situation!! Pretty pathetic I know. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have to do what you said, needinganswers, and stay strong. It is hard.


#4

Looking at your other post, you referred to the fact that your wife threatened to move in with her ex-boyfriend if you left.

Well…that would get rid of the alimony issue. I would keep that in mind when you talk to your lawyer. I agree with Stepmother-I would not want to leave my kids with her. Maybe she is nicer to her own kids, but she’s already indicated she will use them as pawns.

If it were me, best case scenario is leaving with the hopes that she DOES co-habitate—and you get proof of that. While retaining rights to the house (ie: don’t sign any quit claim or anything) in case she DOES leave, then you can go back to the house and live or make arrangements to sell the house.

I’m sorry—I know this is hard. Lots to think about. Just don’t let her get one up on you. She sounds very manipulative.


#5

You cannot be sued for abandonment. Abandonment is an issue that comes up when parties are litigating the issue of alimony. I would need to meet with you and review your specific financial situation to tell you whether abandonment is an issue in your particular case. Generally, if the parties separate and the supporting spouse continues to pay support, abandonment does not result in serious consequences.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#6
quote:
[i]Originally posted by tlmmnd[/i] [br]I am in a terrible situation and I want to end our marriage. My wife has told me several times if I leave she will sue me for abandonment and do everything in her power to make sure I never see our two kids. For whatever it's worth, there is no infidelity involved. It is a case of her having problems with my two children from a previous marriage. She has a terrible temper and they have refused to come back to our house. This doesn't bother my wife at all and now she goes into a rage if I even mention their names. Can she sue me for abandonment if I leave?
[?]Divorce usually sounds a lot better than it actually turns out to be. Do your children from the previous marriage disrespect her? If they do, and you take their side instead of making it clear to them that your wife is important to you and that there is enough love in you for both them and your wife, they may learn to respect your wife. Your wife probably feels rejected, neglected, devastated, and worthless. Your wife should be number one in your life and it is your responsibility to show it so that others will treat her accordingly, making you the winner in the end as an excellent husband and father.

I am my husband’s fifth wife and soon to be another ex. I did all I could in the beginning because I truly wanted his children and his family to be part of my life, but they came so full of deceit and baggage, fueled by fire lit by their family, they destroyed everything. Your situation could very likely be similar. Look at it carefully.

It may be too late already, as your message was posted two months ago, but keep this advice in mind because the situation will repeat itself. You are the boss of your common sense.

Isabel


#7
quote:
[i]Originally posted by Isabel M[/i] [br][quote][i]Originally posted by tlmmnd[/i] [br]I am in a terrible situation and I want to end our marriage. My wife has told me several times if I leave she will sue me for abandonment and do everything in her power to make sure I never see our two kids. For whatever it's worth, there is no infidelity involved. It is a case of her having problems with my two children from a previous marriage. She has a terrible temper and they have refused to come back to our house. This doesn't bother my wife at all and now she goes into a rage if I even mention their names. Can she sue me for abandonment if I leave?
[?]Divorce usually sounds a lot better than it actually turns out to be. Do your children from the previous marriage disrespect her? If they do, and you take their side instead of making it clear to them that your wife is important to you and that there is enough love in you for both them and your wife, they may learn to respect your wife. Your wife probably feels rejected, neglected, devastated, and worthless. Your wife should be number one in your life and it is your responsibility to show it so that others will treat her accordingly, making you the winner in the end as an excellent husband and father.

I am my husband’s fifth wife and soon to be another ex. I did all I could in the beginning because I truly wanted his children and his family to be part of my life, but they came so full of deceit and baggage, fueled by fire lit by their family, they destroyed everything. Your situation could very likely be similar. Look at it carefully.

It may be too late already, as your message was posted two months ago, but keep this advice in mind because the situation will repeat itself. You are the boss of your common sense.

Isabel
I am sorry, I forgot one more thing.

One of my husband’s troublemakers in our marriage has just gotten married for the third time and he is 33. His current “blissfully” happy wife braggs that he is the husband she always wanted! How funny. I wonder how long before she becomes disgruntled and he moves on to the fourth!

So, it is best to work on your marriage and not be blind to the problems caused by children (with the blessings of their father or mother) in order to destroy a current marriage.

Isabel


#8

I am in a terrible situation and I want to end our marriage. My wife has told me several times if I leave she will sue me for abandonment and do everything in her power to make sure I never see our two kids. For whatever it’s worth, there is no infidelity involved. It is a case of her having problems with my two children from a previous marriage. She has a terrible temper and they have refused to come back to our house. This doesn’t bother my wife at all and now she goes into a rage if I even mention their names. Can she sue me for abandonment if I leave?