Adultery, or not?


#1

My wife and I are seperated and going through a contentious divorce.

First incident: Shortly after we seperated I was informed by a woman I’ve never met that her husband and my wife, who are old high school friends, were sending naked pictures to each other for a period from about 6 to at least 12 months before my wife and I seperated. The other family lives in another state and I do not know if my wife and the other husband were ever physically together or it was just naked pictures and dirty talk. The other wife sent me screenshots from her husband’s phone proving this to me (naked pictures of my wife, naked pics of him, sexual text messages, etc…)
It seems the digital relationship ended after the other wife caught her husband and demanded he stop, then attempted to contact my wife about it, who ignored her. I didn’t know about it while it was happening.

Second incident: Three months before we seperated (two months after she and the other husband were caught sexting by the other wife and ended their talks) a different ‘old friend from high school’ made statements on her private social media about how much he was looking forward to her coming back home for a visit so they could get drunk together (he is single, she visits her home town quite a bit to see family). Four months later, after we seperated, she began posting pictures of herself posing in tight shirts for him, which he appreciated and they both commented on. Soon after this, she moved back to her home town (where this guy lives) with our children. The day before she left I had custody of our children and our 3 year old said “I don’t have a daddy”. I turned on an audio recorder and asked him why he said that. He said “Momma says you’re not my Daddy. (Second Guy) is my new daddy.”

She doesn’t know that I know any of this. I have screenshots of the dirty talk with first and second guys, but no hard proof. I don’t know if she’s become involved with Guy #2 since she moved home a few months ago, but it’s likely.

Does this have any effect on alimony or PSS as a form of “illicit sexual act” or “criminal communication”? What advice can you give me on how to handle this? When is a good time to reveal my knowledge to her? She’s very vain and having her cheating entered as evidence to become a matter of court record is powerful incentive for her to be reasonable settle early.

If it matters:
She has privately accused me of sleeping with my best friend’s wife, which is not true. I have never cheated on my wife even online. So far she hasn’t accused me in court, but she has already falsely accused me of DV and after the mandatory overnight jail time I took it to court and was found not guilty. She has no restraint and I strongly suspect she has an undiagnosed personality disorder (borderline or narcissism). She has told all our friends and family that I left her with nothing (not true, she’s received an average of $2,000 a month from me since we seperated) and that I beat her (also not true). I already can’t afford these payments much longer and she is asking for more through her lawyer ($1,000 a month alimony). Smart people don’t believe her, but some do and encourage her to litigate and “clean the bastard out”. I haven’t done anything wrong but she loooooves to make false accusations that I struggle to disprove.


#2

An extramarital affair can make a difference in an alimony case. If a dependent spouse has an affair, it can act as a complete bar to alimony. If a judge believes, based on the evidence you provide, that she had an affair during the marriage, then no alimony should be awarded. PSS is temporary support that is awarded before the alimony hearing takes place; extramarital affairs do not act as a complete bar to PSS, but do for alimony.

I can’t tell you based on the evidence you’ve mentioned how a judge would rule, but the more evidence you have, the better. Also, evidence of a post date of separation relationship can be used to corroborate that the relationship begun before the date of separation (and therefore was an affair).