Baby with Mistress

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1

Wow what a mess you have created and in a state that allows your spouse to sue your girlfriend and your girlfriend’s spouse to sue you.

I would suggest you do NOTHING until you talk to a lawyer. You BOTH have created a big mess and you both are going to want your own attorney’s. It’s going to get messy if either spouse has a revenge streak and being that their is a child involved, it’s not just one person’s word against the other’s.

2
  1. Eventually you will need to tell everyone about the child. That’s not something that you will be able to hide and since the child is over a year old, I think it will be difficult on the other children involved also. Your children will have a half brother/sister, and her children will find out that their brother/sister is not fully related.
    I don’t think moving in together right after you tell them about the affair and the child is going to be any worse. It’s illegal to have sex with someone other than your spouse to begin with but you’ve gone way beyond that.
  2. Speak to an attorney. Alimony, child support and equitable distribution are all separate issues with the courts. Unless you have the children equal amount of time and make the same amount of money, one of you will be paying child support to the other. This also applies to alimony. If you make the same she may not be able to get alimony but since you have committed criminal conversation, she may be able to get an unequal distribution of the marital assets. The mortgage would be a finacial responsibility until an agreement or other arrangements can be made.
  3. You will both be going through a separation and divorce so you will each need an attorney. I do not know if you could use the same one to represent each of you…that may be allowed. But keep in mind that that attorney will be representing you against your spouse and possibly her spouse and will be representing her against her spouse and possibly yours. Maybe the attorney will chime in on this. My husband’s attorney said that he could represent me if his ex had decided to sue…there was no grounds to sue but she was psychotic about the whole thing at the time.

Basically, you and your girlfriend are each going to be going through separation and divorce and incorporating a new child into the picture. Everyone on both sides, including the chidlren, are going to be understandibly upset and scared and angry…Regardless of the reasoning of why you did this, this is what you have to deal with now. Be prepared. Speak to an attorney before you do anything…
Good luck and keep us posted!

3

My girlfriend and I don’t have a ton of money so we’re not too afraid of being sued for Alienation of Affection. My understanding is that it is expensive and not worth the effort unless there is a lot of money at stake.

4

From what I have heard it is expensive and in most cases it is difficult to prove.
"To succeed on an alienation claim, the plaintiff has to show that (1) the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree; (2) the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and (3) defendant

5

Your fact scenario implicates several legal issues that I could not adequately explain in the post. Several issues you may face:

  1. Paternity of the child–if her Husband has been raising this child as his own and wishing to continue to do so, you may be prohibited from raising a paternity issue at this point.

  2. Revealing the affair and then immediately moving out and living with the 3rd party, will almost certainly ensure you are setting yourself up for a nasty legal battle. One that may be avoided if you handle the situation more delicately.

You and your girlfriend should each see your own attorney and the attorney’s should not work at the same firm.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

6

“1. Paternity of the child–if her Husband has been raising this child as his own and wishing to continue to do so, you may be prohibited from raising a paternity issue at this point.”

What if my girlfriend wants to raise the paternity issue? Can’t she do that since she is the baby’s mother?

“2. Revealing the affair and then immediately moving out and living with the 3rd party, will almost certainly ensure you are setting yourself up for a nasty legal battle. One that may be avoided if you handle the situation more delicately.”

How can I handle the situation more delicately? What do you suggest?

7

Your girlfriend can allege that her husband is not the father of the child, but if he wishes to continue his role in her life, the law is going to grant him the protections to do so. He will be considered her father in the eyes of the law.

In order to handle it more delicately, I would consult with an attorney before leaving to make sure that you are paying a sufficient amount of support when you leave. I would also move out on your own and not immediately move in with your girlfriend.

I want to make sure I emphasize that your legal issues are complicated and I cannot possibly answer your questions in detail on this message board. You should meet with an attorney and I would caution you against taking any action based solely on the information I have given you on this forum.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

8

You claim that you are not afraid of AofA lawsuit because you have no assets. You state that your girlfriend is a coworker. I assure you the attorney for the other spouse will be wanting to explore your relationship and how it relates to your work. If they feel they can drag your work into the lawsuit they will. What do you think your boss will think of you if they get deposed? Bosses do not look kindly on employees that embroil the company in lawsuits.

9

Sorry, thought I read that you were cowokers. After rereading I didn’t see that. Still the same thing goes. If you conducted your affair in the work place, your boss and coworkers could be questioned (deposed). Would it get anywhere? Maybe and maybe not. Just real messy. You could lose your livelihood. How is that for an asset. I do not agree with the hard to prove assessment. You have generated plenty of proof.

10

Good evening,

I have been having an extramarital affair with a coworker for 2 1/2 years. We have a 14 month old child together but we are both still living with our spouses. Only the 2 of us know that the child is mine. We both have 2 children each from our current spouses plus the one child we have together for a total of 5 children.

We are ready to let our spouses know that the child is ours together and then we want to get divorced from our spouses and live together.

  1. My question is should we tell our spouses about the child we have together? If we do tell, would it matter if we moved in together immediately since it is evident that we have been having an affair because of the baby?

2)Also, if I leave my wife with the house am I responsible for the whole mortgage or just the calculated child support? I know that I will most definitely have to pay alimony, we have been married for almost 20 years.

3)Should my girlfriend and I come in to see a lawyer together or do we need to go separately?

I know that I’m the bad guy here, but my wife and I have not gotten along for the past 5 or 6 years. She is constantly blowing all of her money and I’m having to cover her expenses month after month and she will not do anything about it.

Thanks for your help.