Being happy and Protecting (HELP)


Dear lovebug:

You do not divorce your children. You will still be active in their lives, as long as you want to be. If you are no more than a phone call away, what more can they ever ask?

I think that being a father and a husband automatically makes you some type of “crutch,” but I don’t know if you are hindering their personal growth or not. That is a question for yourself. Maybe you will want to talk to a counselor to get an independent and neutral opinion on this?

You are wrong. You will not always have to go through your wife. Why have you not seen an attorney yet. Make an appointment. Stop sulking about your situation. You have already decided you are leaving, which is why you are posting here every day. It is just hard to take action.

I think that you are stronger than you realize and so are your children and wife. Making decisions that are best for you is something we all have to do sometimes. It is not popular, but sometimes it is the only way we can survive when overwhelming depression sinks in. Your children will still be in your life, if you make that a priority in the separation. Your spouse will be angry, but she will also be even more motivated by finances, which you currently control.

You need to see an attorney who can empower you to see both the good and bad (not just the bad which you are focusing on) of the situation and the choices you are making. Few things in life are easy and conflict is not always bad!

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


lovebug… I feel for you, but let me give you some information about the whole divorce process. In 2001, my husband left me and told me went back to live with his mother. He told me that he wasn’t sure that that when he told me he loved me for all these years that he was telling me the truth. Two months after he left, he files for divorce. At that time I was broke, he listened to his mother and took all the money out of our bank account. My son and I were broke and only living on a hundred dollars as per my mother-in-law’s instructions.

After I finally signed the divorce papers, my husband came back into my life and wanting us to get back together. I had a tough life, my dad died and I lived with a controlling roommate… My husband went throught a mid-life crisis.

Here is my advice to you, make sure you truly want a divorce. I say this because the price financially and emotionally is very high…
When you hire an attorney, you are charged for everything, even the stamps they put on an envelop addressed to you. An attorney can run you from one hundred and fifty dollars to four hundred dollars an hour.

Here is the 411, I think you need to go to therapy to find out if your marriage can be saved… Don’t jump into a divorce without an rying to save your marriage. If you think that you can find anyhting better out there, think again. Mt hubsand thought he could and in reality he found woman that wanted him for his momey, aka gold diggers… My husbband needed to go to therapy because of his up bringing,but was pressured not to go by his family

I forgive my husband and yes he admitted to me that he was wrong
I hope things go the way you want them to and just remember Jesus doesn’t believe in divorce



I am having a problem. I am torn between wanting a divorce from my wife,wanting to move on,be happy and feeling that I have to protect my two children and my wife. I am no longer in love with my wife, I am not happy with her and I want a divorce but there is something keeping me there. I think about all the bills including private school for my daughter, and protecting them from harm. I don’t think that my wife can protect them the way that I can. I want so bad for my marriage to be over but I feel that I can’t let go for fear that something will happen that she can not take care of. I don’t hate my wife and I don’t want to see anything bad happen to her or my children but I don’t want to be with her any longer. Our marriage has been over for some time now. Everything has just been ok (comfortable I guess). I’ve always felt that as long as I could see my children that I was alright with the marriage, well that isn’t true. My wife and I are like room mates and that is the truth. We no longer talk we just stay cordial for the children sake. I do and don’t want my marriage to work. The reason I do want it to work, so that I can protect them and see my children every day, the reason I don’t want it to work, because I am no longer in love with my wife and I want to be happy and move on.

I’ve been told that I am being a crutch for my wife and children. Meaning if I am always there to protect them who’s going to protect them when I am dead and gone… If I continue to protect them when will they ever learn to do anything on their own… I was told that it is just like your child having math homework to do and they don’t quit understand it, so instead of you letting them figure it out you do it for them. Now what have they learned NOTHING, they still don’t know how to do the math.

I sometimes feel that I am living my life for them and not for myself. My children are my heart and I want to play a part in my childrens life. I always want to participate in things at their school and on holidays. I feel that I will always have to go through my wife to spend time with my children and participate in their school activities. I feel that it will be a hassel. I know that there are going to be times when I want to try to see them every day but I can’t and I know that this will be a problem for my wife and whomever I am involved with. For some reason I don’t think that I can do that without being in the same house with them. I am caught between being happy for the rest of my life or being unhappy to keep them protected.

What do you think and what advice can you give me.