Bleak Situation

He does have several cases against her! Adultry, good shot of abandonment and lack of child support payments on her part. Because of the date, he could file for divorce. She can’t take the house from him. He needs to close his accounts and deny her access to them. The fact that she has been in relationships means the adultry thing is almost a given which would prevent her from receiving alimony.

Unfortunately, only your Dad can make a decision to persue ending the marriage and so forth. HE has to make the next step. Let him read some posts on this forum and he may be persuaded.

I’m sorry about this. I hate to see someone blatently being taken advantage of.

Yes, he has several cases against her as comingclean2 mentioned.

He has grounds to deny alimony, he has grounds for abandonment, he has grounds for wasting of assets, and since there is still a minor child in the house and she has left the house, he can most likely retain it.

Separate all finances, get evidence of adultery, keep all receipts of her activities as well as your dad’s. Try to get a copy of her lease(s) to prove date of separation.

Your dad needs to get an attorney immediately. If he won’t do that, he needs to get into some counselling because this has to be absolutely decimating his self-esteem.

No one has a right to treat him that way, and he owes her nothing. He has paid his dues now. Life is short, he should find happiness.

If he has proof of her adultery, she is barred from alimony.

He needs an attorney, maybe.

However, the best course of action would be to settle the issue themselves. He needs to protect his money, and money for you guys.

Until there is a formal separation, she has access to any joint accounts. If your father is doing nothing about it, then there is nothing you guys can do. A Court will only address amounts from the DOS—date of separation.

I am so sorry. This is your father’s problem. Unfortunately, it affects you. I hope he will take action soon. He is the only one who can. Good luck!

Since the separation began in 2006 he can close all the joint accounts. He should get all the financial records from the last two years in regards to the money that is being taken out of the account. I am not certain that anything can be done because the accounts were not closed, she was not removed from access but it’s possible. He is not responsible for any debt incurred since the date of separation so the money that she has taken, if used for this, is likely to be owed back to him.
He should close all joint accounts, have her name removed from medical and vehicle insurance. He does not have to provide this to her once she is out of the marital home. My suggestion is that he send her a letter of intent to this affect. Close the accounts now but then allow her to the first of the year to obtain her own health and vehicle insurance.
If he files for divorce, then all marital assets and debts could be divided if she would file for ED. That is the amount though at the time of separation, not now. Any equity in the home since date of separation, belongs solely to your father. If the absolute divorce is granted before that is filed, she could be forced to sign a quit claim deed on the home so that her name could be removed from the deed.
Keep all documentation of everything. The child support that she owes could be overlooked in exchange for the quit claim deed to the home…If she is working, then the court could legitimately use potential income to figure child support. Your father should realize that he does hold almost all the cards here. The fact that you and your brother are older and are supporting him, is going to mean a great deal emotionaly and finacially to him.
Hang in there and see if you can get him on this site…

Closing joint accounts seems like the thing to do with them being separated, but does Mom have to agree to it? She says since they were married so long that she is entitled access to his money. I can get proof that she takes without ever contributing to the account, but she also insists the debt is not hers. Dad gave her a portion of his 401(k) when she left, but she said he owes her because she paid the taxes on it. After three years of taking one-fourth of his check every week I would think the debt is paid. She says that she should owe no child support because she doesn’t make enough, but when she did make enough she still didn’t pay. At this point, I don’t think anyone wants anything of hers, just for her to go on with what she’s taken and leave everything else alone.

Your Mother lost access to ‘his money’ when she left. He can open a new account in HIS name and transfer money to it. Leaving an open joint account means SHE could wipe it out too. I would freeze the account so nothing can be charged against it. If he wants to leave an amount in the joint for her (which I personally wouldn’t do), then he can. Other than that, he should put all money from this day on in HIS account. I HATE that he gave her 401K money without consultation with a lawyer. I hope he kept records of that.

Your Dad needs to open new accounts, stop contributing to the joint account, and file for divorce. Her not owing childsupport for that time period is bullcrap, but there is nothing you can do about that now. You can’t go back and recapture. He also probably won’t ‘owe her’ tax money on the 401k stuff, but I’m not positive on that.

PLEASE appeal to your Dad to take action. Right now, your Mom is haveing her cake WITH icing and eating it too. There is no motive for her to change…so your Dad has to take action.

Another thing is that Dad needs to contact the credit bureaus and freeze his credit immediately. Once she’s cut from all funding, she may try to open up new credit in his name.

When they divorce all the marital assets will be divided equally. Since she has left the house and he is currently living there it is unlikely the court will kick him out, however he may need to come up with funds to buy out her interest in the property.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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The advice on here is good in your case. Get your father to close the joint accounts. That is not hard to do. Your mother needs to be cut off from access. The Court looks at amounts at date of separation. If your parents are “separated”, get the bank statements from THAT date. If your mother has gone through the accouts AFTER separation, then those amounts will have to be accounted for. Unless there is an “official” date of separation, she still has access to the funds. The Court will not address that. Only from the DOS.

I’m posting to this forum because I’m tired of watching a bad situation get worse. My parents were married for 25 years when my mother, who never worked, cheated on my father for months before leaving. They never filed any separation papers, its been since March 2006, she still regularly takes money out of their joint checking account, Dad still has her on his health and car insurance and she is in her second serious relationship since leaving. She works now, not enough to support her expensive lifestyle however, she even bought a new vehicle and added it to the insurance he pays for, and is insistent that he owes her. I’m 21, but my younger brother is 16 now, and she pays no child support, nor does she see him. My father is afraid she will take the house if he tries to divorce her, but we already struggle to make ends meet while she uses his checking account, which she does not contribute to, to pay her credit card bills. I can’t get him to believe he has a case against her. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.