Denial


#1

Seems like ex has some maturity and responsibility issues that you aren’t going to be able to resolve. He has to be able to recognize and admit them in order to change. I would focus on your kids and providing them w/ love and stability.


#2

Yes, It will really effected the children. The parents do all this stupid things and later on it will effect their.


sharu
Addiction Recovery North Carolina

Addiction Recovery North Carolina


#3

My husband left me many years ago. I do not believe that another woman was an issue, but that is beside the point. He wanted out of the marriage. I came from a broken home (divorced) as did he. We both experienced divorce as kids and now our kids are going through it.

Is divorce hard on the kids? Sure.
Is divorce hard on the parents? Sure.
Was I angry at my ex? Absolutely.

He left me because he was not happy. The kids happen to live with me so in effect he left his kids, but not really. Physically he did, but not emotionally. He has always been available, for the most part, to them. I can’t believe I’m going to bat for the ex here, but if it were ME that wasn’t happy, and ME that had to leave my kids in order to find healthy happiness, then I can’t imagine the guilt and sorrow I would feel concerning my children. Would that be enough for me to ‘fight’ for a marriage that could no longer work in a healthy way? Do I stick in there unhappily for the sake of the kids?

I say no. Sure I was mad that he didn’t want to try to work things out. In retrospect, I now realize that even if we DID go to counseling and try to stay together, it still would not have worked.

We can regret a LOT of things in our lives. We will hurt people unintentionally throughout our lives. Our kids will be hurt too. The best we can do is accept things as they are, focus on today (and not yesterday), work on forgiving others and yourself, and just love the kids. He made his choice. You just have to move on.

I’ve been in your spot. I’ve lived it. I’ve had to deal with the ‘fun dad syndrome’ and being the primary disciplinarian. I’ve had to see the new girlfriends and eventually, meet the new wife. It does hurt, but I’m not angry anymore. Actually, I’m glad he’s someone else’s problem. My kids are VERY well adjusted because we always talked, cried and screamed together. I always told them it wasn’t their fault and that sometimes Moms and Dads just can’t stay together. And I loved them. It’s all you can do.


#4

Baba…

I am a man, but I share some of the kind of pain you feel. My wife of over 10 years had an affair for years behind my back, got pregnant and let me believe the child was mine and eventually abducted our children when she ran off. I was, and in many ways still am, heartbroken. I eventually got over her. But I still feel emotional agony whenever I see my children because they are so full of pain and sadness over what she has done and continues to do.

One thing that you may want to look into for yourself is a free kind of support therapy for people who are dealing with the impact of the adverse affects of sexual promiscuity. The support group is based on the same brilliant 12 step principles used in Alcoholics Anonymous and its companion group, Al-Anon. Working this program helps you to put things into perspective and focus on what you do and do not have control over. It helps you to be more introspective and let go of things you can’t do anything about while giving you courage to take action in matters that you can do something about.

Check it out… sanon.org You can find out your nearest meeting location by calling the headquarters: (800) 210-8141


#5

What can possible be said to a STBX (stupid ex)that still believes he walked out on the wife and not his children. This is almost a year; he sees the children every other weekend and one day a week; works out of state and buys the childrens love. FYI. .he committed adultry and chose not to fight for his family and stayed w/the other woman who also cheated on her spouse.
He just doesn’t get understand how this has effected the kids and damage control will be done by the mother when they return from visits.
What does it take to make them realize that seperation and divorce does affect the children. STBX had counseling for the chldren and basically still did/does what he wants. Obviouslly a narcissitic person!
thanks