Deployment Divorce

My son was married in 2007
There are two children of the marriage
He was deployed to Iraq in 2008
He came home on leave in September of 2008 for two weeks
Nothing was said about a separation while he was home on leave, she acted as though everything was fine, and accepted a second wedding band as an anniversary present.
On his way back to Iraq, his wife called him to let him know that she wanted to see other people, and had, in fact, already started seeing someone.
He finished his tour, and came home in February 2009.
She lives with her family in NC, and he moved back to VA.
He has consulted with an attorney here in Concord, and had a separation/divorce agreement drawn up and mailed to her, but she will not sign it. It contained child support, custody, visitation, and insurance information. The attorney has advised us that my son would be better served by hiring an attorney that lives in the home area/town of his wife.
He has provided insurance for the children, and paid the court ordered child support.
She has gone to Social Services and applied for assistance for the children.
She has a full time job, and a home of her own.
He has a job, and is living in a home that is owned by my family.
He now has a court date to have child support amount raised, even though his income has not increased.

Why does it seem that NC is so lenient towards the mother? I am a mother, and even as such, I do not understand how the courts can be so blind. He was serving his country, facing death on a daily basis, while she was in NC, spending the money he was earning, committing adultery, and partying and going out with whomever she chose, leaving the children with whomever she could talk into keeping them.
Why is my son paying the price for her actions?

Any input will be appreciated, and this inquiry, along with all responses will be forwarded to my son.
Thank you!

That sounds like a really difficult situation, but I’m not really sure your question. North Carolina has no preference for mother or father. Since nothing has been filed yet I suggest he hire an attorney to file on his behalf.