I think you are handling this better than ANY woman in the world. I understand that it is ok to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, but right now, he needs to be concentrating on repairing yall’s relationship and not worried about maintaining a friendship with another woman. You should be the number one woman in his life, and if “Lisa” truly is his friend, then she should understand and back off. The not showing up at work thing, is crazy. Why is it ok for her to be there but not you? I’m not trying to get you fired up about it, but I have been here and I had to handle it immediately. My husband had several ex girlfriend/friends that continued to call him throughout our relationship (pre-marriage). I finally told him that it would eventually cause a problem if these flirty girls kept texting and calling. So he broke it off with all of them, some still called, but he was very firm (in front of me) and told them that he would not disrespect me just for them to have someone to talk to. In his defense, I do understand what it’s like to have ex boyfriends that I like to talk to but don’t love. They do know a different side of you than the one your partner knows, but like before, I had to cut them off. And they understood, because they probably were good friends. But my point is, if she is standing in the way of your happiness, get rid of her. Then show him you trust him with other things, when conniving women aren’t involved. Best of luck!!
I’ve actually been in a similar situation with my ex. I don’t know how many times I made that exact comment, “I trust him, but I don’t trust her”. That was BS by the way. I never trusted him after I found out he was unfaithful but I never wanted to blame him. I never wanted to admit, even to myself, that I didn’t trust him.
In my opinion, marriage is between you and your husband/wife. There are no ex’s or “just friends” hanging around because your husband/wife IS your BEST FRIEND. I have one truly close female friend and several that I would do anything for if asked. My husband has one really close friend and several that are good friends. The friends that I have that are male they are my husband’s friends and his only female friends are my friends. You need to have a friend who you can vent to about things that your husband/wife is too closely involved in to give you an outside opinion and someone who is “on your side”. But there should never be anything that you talk with them about that your husband/wife doesn’t know about.
I do not believe that most men are capable of having platonic relationship with a woman. There is NO reason on this earth that a married man should visit a single woman in her home or anywhere else unless there is something going on. In my opinion, if your husband will let her visit him at work, and does not want you there, more than likely he’s cheating.
I don’t think you are reacting enough. If he wants his marriage to you to work, then you tell him to break off all contact with her. If he accuses you of being jealous, don’t lie, tell him yes you are jealous and suspicious and you don’t want to share and that if he can’t commit to your marriage completely and start working on a way for you to become his best friend then there’s no reason for you two to be married. If he is not willing to give up a “friend” for your marriage, especially when it makes you uncomfortable, then to me he only wants the you to be there as a safety net. She should understand enough to know that he can not put his focus on what’s wrong with your relationship if he’s talking to another woman, even if he’s supposedly talking to her about you. I’m afraid that amoore is right, she should understand and back off, or try to become friends with you.
I would never ask my husband to give up a friend for me, but then again, my husband hasn’t moved in with a female friend and had an intimate relationship with her. If I were in this scenario, and believe me, I HAVE been there, I would give him an ultimatum. It’s you or it’s her. He has to choose and there’s no “well, I choose you but I’m still going to talk with her or see her every once in a while”. It’s break off all contact in EVERY form with her or talk to you only through the lawyers. You’re children deserve nothing less that their father’s full commitment to you and to them.
If you want to believe that she is “just a friend” then call her. Talk to her, and explain that your husband is telling you that she is his best friend so that means that since you and he are working out your MARRIAGE you and she should get to know each other better. Myself, personally, I think you’ll be enlightened as to the nature of their “friendship”.
This may be a little harsh sounding, but as I said, I’ve been there. My ex played me this way with several women. The last one and I had a long discussion and she was very honest with me. Seems that what he was telling me and what he was telling her were two different things. She felt so sorry for him because he made himself out to be so pitiful to her. That our life was miserable and he just didn’t know how to end it and couldn’t stand to see me hurt. He told me as much about her, that he would see her at work and she was crying and he just couldn’t live with the fact that he was the cause. She ended up dumping him after she and I talked and she found out what a lier he was. I heard all sorts of stuff after we split up. He was a completely different person than I thought. I never thought that he could be that kind of person and I never would have believed it had I not heard it directly from her, and I don’t believe she lied to me. When I showed up at his work(she worked there too) and caught them sitting on her desk kissing, she said that he had told her we had split up.
Good luck to you and keep us posted.
Story/Husband thoughts
My husband and I have been together for 2 ? years. We have 3 kids. He is their stepfather. We were separated in for 6mo. We have been back together since the end of Aug. We split due to lack of communication and harmful words said to each other. I kicked my husband out and I made a action/mistake that I know will probably hurt him to death. I kicked him out because I was doing what I felt was the best for my kids. When he moved out he move in with his friend of about a year