Back w/ ex


#1

My husband moved out supposedly to be by himself, instead he moved in w/ his ex fiance whom he broke up w/ for me. I still don’t know the real reason for our split, he says he’ll tell me when the time is right. What the h is that supposed to mean?
I don’t believe in divorce and never planned on getting one. I made a committment and no matter how bad things got, I never would have left him. For 3 yrs since his business went under I have been the one working 2 jobs to support our family while he finds himself and worked parttime hrs in a seasonal job. I even had to sell stuff to cover bills at times. Now after everything he’s left me! And still not working.
My problem now is that he wants to bring her along everywhere he goes. He doesn’t see our kids one on one , she tags along. She has kids of her own that she left in another state to move here and be w/ him. I don’t want her to be at my kids sporting events where I will be and have asked my ex to please respect me with this. It’s only been 3 mos so feelings are still raw. He refuses. I don’t want to see them together when they’re in my part of town and neither do the kids. What should I do?


#2

Let me put it this way…

Imagine that your best friend comes to you for advice because she’s upset and uncomfortable with a situation. She tells you that her husband left her and moved in with his ex. Then she says that she’s back with him, but he has insisted on bringing his ex with him (WHO MOVED TO THIS AREA TO BE WITH HIM) wherever he goes. Even though your friend has told her husband that she doesn’t want to see his ex with him since she wants to work on their relationship (friend with ex), the ex categorically refuses and ignores your friend’s uncomfortable feelings and pain. What would you tell her?

Ask yourself if your husband is actively trying to work on your marriage. Ask yourself if you are happy with being treated as less important in his life than his ex. If the answer is no to both of those AND your husband refuses marital counselling to salvage your relationship, then you should consider divorce. (FWIW, if you go that route, consult with the forum or an attorney as to what steps you should take in advance to protect your income, credit, and finances prior to creating a separation agreement. Adultery can be used as evidence to deny alimony if he requests it, so make sure you get evidence of it. This may be why he’s refusing to talk, so that you don’t have an admission of adultery.)

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but I will say that unless both parties are willing to work on a relationship, then that relationship is doomed, whether or not it results in divorce. You deserve someone who will put you first in his life and truly care about your feelings.


#3

I realize that I should be #1. My problem is that he won’t respect my wishes and keep her away from me. How do I get him to understAND that it hurts my feelings and embarrasses me when he lets her tag along, not to mention the explanations to all our neighbors and friends who aren’t yet aware of our situation. I don’t care what he does in his new part of town, but when he comes to where the kids and I still reside, it’s a different story.I feel that he should respect my wishes especially since we are not legally separated and therefore still considered a married couple. He abandoned us and is committing adultery. We were married for 20 yrs, together for 22 and he just moved out in Sept., so I believe my feelings are justified and he should leave her at home.


#4

Oh my gosh, that is awful!! He is really being self centered and not considering what kind of “trouble” he is getting himself into, being seen with another woman on purpose. I don’t understand that at all!

Since no one is aware of your situation, I know exactly how you feel. I haven’t told anyone at work or my child’s school that we have been separated for one month and are planning on divorce for sure. We have to appear together for our child’s event coming up and if he actually brought along a “girlfriend” I would be livid with how inconsiderate that is!!!

You need to get a separation agreement pronto. I think it should say that in this year of separation, it is agreed that mom and dad appear ALONE at the children’s events. Once you decide if you are filing for divorce or just remaining separated, it would be more acceptable to be bringing other partners around. How confusing for the children. :frowning: