I’m glad to see Karma has turned in your favor. Ask her to come see me when she done at your house. I have a “project” for her.
As I posted last time, it’s very unusual to see things come back around to those that deserve it, and I am not by nature a vindictive person. But in the last three months I have been witness to this twice and I got to tell you, after years of doing the right thing and having the “nice guy finish last” syndrome, this felt pretty good.
I spent 11 years with my ex. We were never married and the excuse he used for that was that he never wanted to divorce me. Should have told me something huh? He was/is an alcoholic, drug abuser and womanizer. I was an enabler and co-dependent, this was my job. I was very good at this, so I do not blame my ex for the mess my life became while we were together. I only blame him for realizing how badly he treated me and NOT changing it. For realizing he had problems and NOT getting help. But I stayed with him. I stuck it out and I did everything in my power to “save” him from himself, to change him. Nothing I did worked and I mean I tried everything. I humiliated myself, I endured many many sleepless nights, a lot of tears, lost all my self confidence, almost lost my family.
About three years ago I spent a long weekend with no idea where he was and the week after trying to work and find anyone who had seen him and could get him to call me. The next Friday I went to the one place I knew he would be on Friday night, the local strip club, and called him. When I asked him to come outside to talk, he didn’t seem shocked that I would track him down. He said that we were growing in different directions and that he couldn’t give me what I wanted, marriage and family. That it wasn’t me, it was him and that this was just not in him to give. He didn’t want marriage and family and that we should move on. I moved my stuff out of his house the next weekend. I found out about 3 weeks later that he was getting married, to a woman who had two daughters and that she had moved in 2 days after I moved out. What do you mean it’s not me?? I can honestly say I spent about 5 minutes feeling like I had been gut punched, 10 minutes crying because it should have been me, then I spent the next 30 minutes ranting about what a jerk he was (only not that nicely). Three months later he’s realized he made a terrible mistake and would I consider taking him back if he gets his marriage annulled? HA! Not a chance! Then I get a nasty e-mail explaining that I was the one at fault for our relationship not working out. I never knew meaning of “true love” and that he wanted to make sure that I knew this was not his fault. Can you imagine??
Well, time goes by, as it does and after one brief dating experience decided that I was through playing games and was planning on writing men out of my life for a while. I’m an intelligent, attractive, independant woman, what do I need a man for right? I met my future husband the day before my birthday that year. We went out two nights later and even with all the hell his ex has put us through I haven’t looked back, except to wonder what I was thinking all those years.
I recently found out that my ex’s wife, the one that he left me for, has “lost her mind”. She has started doing drugs and is trying to convince anyone that will listen that he is abusing her. She is trying to get him to hit her so that she can make him leave and she will get his house and his vehicle and he will still have to pay for everything. She tells him she hates him, screams and yells at him that she wished she had never met him. She makes him sleep in a spare bedroom. She checks his cell phone, e-mails and takes all his money while he’s asleep. His son has moved back in with his ex. He’s afraid to go home but more afraid not to. And with all this, his health is failing.
Now when I first heard about all this, I thought of directing him (through a mutual friend) to this site. After a couple of days, I realized that it’s not my problem anymore. He did put himself in this position and it is not my place to concern myself with his life. I felt bad for him, but I realized that I had mourned our relationship long before it was actually over and I mourned for longer than most would have given the circumstances. I am not gloating over this. I do not wish bad things, situations or harm on ANYONE, after all I once loved this man. But I do find it rather comforting seeing how this has turned out and to say “There but for the grace of God, go I”.