Just wanting to talk


#1

Tjones, I feel for you. I really do. I was married for 23 1/2 years and basically the same thing happened to me. It was SO very devastating and emotionally hard for the longest time, but then one day I realized that I am so much better off. My kids were 18 & 23 and it was very very tough on them and relationships were strained all the way around for the longest time, but my point to you is that it DOES get better. I didn’t realize how truly unhappy I had been and honestly, the marriage probably should have ended much sooner than it did. The worst thing you can do is beg her to come back. If she does and counseling is an option then I say go for it, but it takes TWO to WANT to make it work…not ONE…Hang in there…this is a great place to come and get advice and support.


#2

Thanks for writing i just dont understand i just dont know what to do she is just rushing to seperate everything this weekend we i tried talking to her on the phone but she kept hanging up on me where did i go wrong? i devoted my life to this woman my kids there 13 and 14 they are devestated she talked to them this sunday and told them that he said that he loved them HE HASNT EVEN MET THEM.my kids have told her that the never want to meet him but she just keeps pushing him on everyone (me the kids the family)i dont understand that.i left for the mountains this past friday to see my son and talk to him she finally came up on sun and stayed for 2 hours and talked to him then left.this man she is seeing i called his wife and talked to her he is a verbally abusive man and has a short temper from what she tells me.what sugar coating has he said to her to get her to turn her back on me and the kids?im 34 years old where do i go from here do i start all over?

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#3

Tjones,
It’s definitely not easy to start over. Trust me, I know this, but it can be done! Do NOT blame yourself for this. You did nothing wrong. People change…I realize now that I never knew the man I was married to for all those years because the man I married would have never done the things that he did. You need to get yourself together here because if you don’t then she’s going to walk all over you. Make your children your first priority. She will be sorry one day for what she is putting them through and she will be the one that has to deal with that, not you. Make getting an attorney a priority as well. You MUST do this even if you have to borrow the retainer or put it on a credit card! There’s a wealth of information on this website, but the bottom line is that you need an attorney especially since minor children are involved. I’m here to tell you that you can beat this and come out the better person. It won’t happen over night and there will be some really bad days ahead, but you can overcome it. Hang in there! Keep your chin up!


#4

oh yea shes been taking $$ out of bank i called them and basically theres nothing i can do since its a joint account. she told me she wouldnt do that either but she is, my kids are closing up on me my daughter was angery yesterday,wife came home at lunch to see her and my daughter thru the remote down,im trying to keep them talking but i know they are hurting.and the man she moved in with(he left his wife after 15 yrs) has a criminal record hes been to prison for stabbing a man(i talked to his wife on phone) he also has a short temper from what she tells me. what can i do to protect my kids? they have told me and my wife they dont want to meet him but the way shes acting,i dont know if she will try to force them to.im worried about my kids sometimes she calls sometimes she doesnt.

thanks

thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#5

Don’t let her leave you financially strapped. By law, half the money in that account is yours. Go get it, and open an account of your own. I know you are heart-broken, but don’t let that stop you from making wise decisions. Let me tell you from experience, in the not too distant future, she will be begging you to allow her to come back. What you decide to do at that time is up to you. For now, go on with your life as if she is not coming back and wait it out. She’ll ask, I promise. You’ll probably not want her back by then. Good Luck.


#6

thanks im trying went to see an attorney today he said i have a strong case against her and he said if she comes back i can drop everything but untill then im talking to an attorney.

me and my kids are praying morning and evening that shes gonna come home but like he said prepare for the worst.

thanks again

Thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#7

also he told me i could get alimony plus child support if i wanted it so now i have more options to look at i gave this woman 15 yrs. of my life i loved her every minute and still love her i have asked friends and family what i did wrong but they all tell me i did nothing wrong.
i am a good father and husband i gave her everything she ever wanted all she had to do was ask.

Thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#8

oh yea she hasnt even called her daughter today she called me this morning to ask how i was doing.if she calls tonight im gonna tell her i went to see an attorney,i have tried to call her at work but she has caller id there so i left a msg on her machine to call me,my daughter has tried to call her twice on cell phone but no answer.this woman is not my wife.why is she doing this?my goodness… at least talk to your kids on a regular basis,not when its convienent for her…i have found myself looking out the window here lately hoping she would pull up in the driveway but she hasnt yet.(im still praying tho)am i fool for this?am i a fool for loving this woman so much that i have become so blind? my daughter waits by the phone for her to call…

thanks for letting me express myself

THomas

Thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#9

sorry u are sooo broken hearted. I went through this to…keep praying. If it was meant to be God can restore it.


#10

almost 2 weeks now since shes been gone i keep telling her that i love her and i want her to come home and work it out i guess shes listening to me i dont know i find it harder to get going in the mornings and are nights havnt been good.im tring to stay strong for my kids but its getting harder everyday

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#11

tjones,

hang in there, first protect your kids and yourself…Take all the money out and put it into a new account, make her come get it legally.
Change all locks, make her work to get back in, if she is supposed to come back she will… Do not look for her to…I was the one on TV last month and we couldn’t even reveal how bad my divorce is or the devastating things that have came out of her closet of our 12 years… You must maintain that you are not the one at fault, that you can make it thru… That you are the better person and it will come back to bite her in the butt… I have been very patient knowing that what she did was wrong and that when I finally get in front of the judge for our custody hearing, The judge will have to make the right call based on morals and being a good parent.You at least have your kids, or see them…Thats a great thing. Do not be affraid to start over. Get a real good lawyer who you can trust with your life and not a paycheck…It could be worse, you could be having an “Oprah” producer call ya… If you need a friend, talk…


#12

I’m very confused. Have either of you two spoken about any problems you had been having? People don’t just spontaneously up and leave, they have probably been dissatisfied or upset for a long time, but either the issues were never dealt with, or they were ignored. Such was my case. My ex-wife never listened once to what I was saying, or was willing to deal with the problems. Resentments built, walls were thrown up, and it became a marriage of convenience. So one day, I leave. She’s devastated! But the truth is, for years, we grew farther and farther apart. The cook, the cleaner, the gardener, the person who was volunteered to help her friends over and over, got sick of it and left. I’m not trying to be mean, but maybe the martyr isn’t the role you need to be playing right now, maybe it’s the listener. If you volunteer to go to a counselor–make it one of her choosing, to show you’re serious–and she can’t provide a reasonable explanation for her actions, then you can walk away and say you did all you could do.


#13

no problems that i knew of we were having a GREAT time going out talking over coffee going for walks hand in hand i would call her in the middle of the day and just say i love you and she would do the same to me.we spent alot of time together 15 years of marriage we had our problems like any marriage but i never saw this comming.
then i found the email from there it went down hill she walked out gave me sole custody of kids house possesions in house child support, the hole nine yards,i tried to ask her to goto counseling but she said no its to late,i find it truly curious that he tells his wife something and a few days later my wife tells me the same thing word for word (myself and his wife have been keeping in contact) he still calls his wife every other day.trying to tell her not to get an attorney but to late for him shes got one.he agreed to everything she wants but the house and my wife asked me if i was gonna sell our home strange huh??(half of equity?)

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#14

She signed the sep. agreement monday it wasnt a pretty sight,standing outside her work shes ranting and raving then gives me the finger.I dont know why she agreed to everything, and worst of all my daughter was in the car to see it all…

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#15

I have read your story and can tell you that my heart breaks. I can’t even begin to feel your pain. I know that this is truly devastating, but I either way, please try to see clearly on this or you will not only be brokenhearted - - but also just broke. Freeze the account, withdraw your money, cancel your direct deposits, talk about all of your assets with your lawyer, do research about child support, alimony, visitation, and divorce. Emotionally, I am sure it’s pretty hard to focus on the logistics, and it’s easier said than done to just pull yourself together. But just as others have said, please prepare yourself for a possible reality that she is not coming back and that you don’t want her back. It pisses me off that such a GOOD man like yourself has to undergo such heartache and can be permanently scarred for life after this. Please just continue to be the great father that you are. Live life to the fullest regardless. Go to the movies, dinner, vacation, with your kids. Let them understand through your actions that you are not the blame here by any means and that you are capable of stepping up to the plate to be the man and father that the situation requires.

As for wanting your wife back. I understand. It’s natural. No one marries with the idea that they will one day divorce. It’s always an idea of forever. Don’t focus too hard on who she has left you for as a justification for yourself. Instead pray that she finds out the real reason she left because if it’s never solved and she does come back - - the who can be anyone again.

Stay strong. Keep praying - not for her to come back, but for God to give you the strength that the situation calls for. Pray that you will not develop anger in your heart and mind- it’s not healthy. And lastly, pray for guidance.

Much love and good luck. Stay strong.


#16

Im trying my best to stay stong but its hard.My son came home from school on tuesday for the holiday,she hasnt even come by to see him and now its 10 pm on wed.Yea me and the kids went to the mall (to make out christmas list)went to pizza walked around the shopping center at friendly center anything i could think of to get there minds off of this.As for being broke LOL when i went to close the bank accounts bbandt had already closed my saving (seems she emptyied it out),and there was only 17.00 dollars in our checking LOL but thats been taken care of I already have a new checking account and some money back in the bank.Advice only advice i take now is from my attorney yea hes cost but i think it was worth it I have sole custody of my kids,my house my ira,child support,and she has to pay for her new suv till my name is off the loan (i cosigned for her),but me and my kids are trying we just take it one day at a time.Im gonna go monday and try to see about getting counciling for me and my daughter together just so we can work any issues we have together out.Im thankful that my son will be going back to school on saturday he has been shielded from most of this since his school is out of town,but i can see the hurt comming out since his mom hasnt come to see him yet.Its been a roller coaster ride the last week i think the worst yet,but me and the kids keep praying.Yes I pray that she comes home and I pray for him,I pray for my kids but mostly i pray that I will have the strengh to make it one more day…
I have begun the process of watching out for my kids in the case something happens to me as far as a legal gaurdian, distribution of my life insurance and ira the house and so forth I really hate to have to think this far ahead but it seems i have no choice right now, and my attorney is helping me out with my request.The money i have spent on him was well worth it…

Its funny she wrote me an email and said “to move on with my life,she has”.I have thought about that alot the past couple of days but you know what ill move on when my heart tells me and when I do I pray that ill find someone who will love me and, my kids as if they were her own,and she will be loved by us everyday as if it were are last day on earth.Because I am comming to the realization that I did nothing wrong I gave this woman 15 years of my life I did anything and everything for her its not me but her that did something wrong…

Thanks for listening

Thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#17

I WISH YOU THE BEST AND I HOPE YOUR HEART HEALS. LET HER GO AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. YOU AND THE CHILDREN WILL FIND HAPPINESS AGAIN. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS.

EVELYN WILLIAMS


#18

I think my wife is on drugs or something or is just out of touch with reality right now. I went to her parents on friday to spend the day with them and the kids (I talked to my wife on phone she said to come over), but when i got there she took me in the bedroom to talk,and then it came out…
She told me that i made her sign the saperation agreement and made her sign over the kids,the house(then she started to cry)then she cussed at me a little,I told her i was sorry but I didnt know what to tell her except that I didnt make her sign anything.
Then she had a fit right there in front of everyone when she gave me the child support.So i went to take that money out of my wallet to give back to her and my mother inlaw told me to put that wallet back in my pocket that she did this not me.She hasnt paid her suv payment this month yet i talked to them tonight,she has 4 days to make the payment then its 30 days past due,I giess Im gonna have to call my attorney.
Let him handle it so she doesnt ruin my credit.Talk about acting like a high school girl…(lol)She called my daughter tonight stayed on the phone a whole 1 min.17 secs,from what my daughter tells me OH MAN.

This is like a soap gone bad(lol)
Just got off the phone with my son hes still anger with his mom that it took 4 days for her to come and see him after he got down here from school.
I went to borders and got both my kids journals friday morning so they could write there thoughts down just to get it out of there system…

Thanks for listening.

Thomas

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#19

Oh yea i forgot she told her family that she had an attorney look them(separation agreement)over and he said to sign them, then they asked me about it I told them the TRUTH that she HAD NOT gotten an attorney to look them over,that she couldnt wait to sign them.

Thanks for any help
broken hearted


#20

You sound like a good guy…just keep focusing on doing what is best for you and for your children. It will be hard to do but the kids still need to have a relationship with their mom -no matter what goes on between the 2 of you. Things will get better and you will eventually meet someone who will value you and your children.