Why does he keep asking questions about our marriage?


#1

My husband of 17 yrs left me three weeks ago. He said he no longer loved me & he wanted me to move on with my life (I think that he is seeing someone else). The first two weeks he called or came by the house every other day & was asking me questions like:

Why are you going out so much? You never stay home.
Why would you not do the things your doing now with me?

Whats the point of these questions? Why does he keep asking questions? If he doesn’t love me any more, what does it matter? Please help! I don’t understand!


#2

It sounds, to me at least, as though your husband may be having second thoughts or feeling guilty about his decision. That’s not uncommon. My husband’s ex did much the same thing as did my ex.
The thing to keep in mind is that sometimes it’s difficult for a person to grow emotionally while they are with someone. I know that no matter how much time passes if I were to ever consider going back to my ex (shudder) I would be going back to the person I was when I was with him before. Things may be different for a while, but eventually the way you are with someone creeps back in and you realize that after 3 months, things are right back to how they were before, when you hated it and longed for more out of life.
If you are changing and growing, moving past your separation and relationship, then your spouse is trying to figure out why those same changes couldn’t have happened while he was there. Sometimes it takes something drastic, like separation or divorce for us to see what we don’t like about our lives. Sometimes it takes this to have the nerve and the opportunity to begin living how we want to instead of how we always did before.
I’m not suggesting that two people can not work through their differences and eventually reconcile, but it’s uncommong for couples who grow apart to find a way to grow together again.


#3

Thanks so much for your advise.

I love my husband very much & I didn’t want him to leave in the first place. Although, if I found out he has been with someone else, my whole attitude will change. I read somewhere that you need to give your spouse time to miss you. Don’t let them see any sad emotions & don’t become needy on him. For the past two weeks I have taken care of several things around the house that he never finished. My attitude now is: If I can’t do it or if I can’t find someone to help me do it, then I will hire it done (no calls to ex). I hope things will work out, but I’m not sitting at home waiting for his call either.