Ex threatening to quit his job

Somebody help this poor woman. KAYCEE its time to put the pitty party to rest stop blamming your ex, yes he did you wrong but to keep pointing the finger is not going to put money in your pockets, it not going to get your light turned back on and its not going to allow you to move on with your life, Apparently you are in a position most men find themselves in “The Mercy Of the Court” inwhich it probably want go the way you want, just like most men you’re in a situation you can’t controll and it might not ba fair but believe me it will work itself out but your anger doesn’t do anything but give him pleasure. All you have to do is be patient(you really have no choice) why stress when you no nothing is going to change no time soon.

kaycee-
How is he having visitations if you don’t have a phone number or address? Where is he picking his son up from?
As much as I hate this situation for you, or anyone in similar situations, you CAN NOT withhold visitations from your ex because of past due child support or alimony. The courts will hold you in contempt. The best thing to do is to follow the court order schedule for visitations and to contact the Child Support Enforcement Agency, give them the name of your ex’s employer. As bad as this all sounds, it will only get worse if you let your anger override your judgement on legal issues. Follow the court order to the letter! If your ex is going to this much trouble because he wants to change the dates of visitations so that they are more convenient for him, then let him file a modification with the courts. Yes he SHOULD honor his commitments to you and your son, but it doesn’t look like he’s willing to do that. Don’t fight this yourself, don’t compromise with him, and don’t argue with him. Either hire a lawyer or let the enforcement agency handle it, but in the mean time…Follow the court order and do what you need to do to survive. It will all come back around to him, but that will take time that you obviously don’t have.
You need to realize that your son, whether his father is encouraging it or not is going to keep things from you. Any child or teenager who is going through this always thinks that the “cool” parent is the one who doesn’t set down rules or chores and where he/she doesn’t have responsibility. Trust me, in every divorce where children are involved, the more responsible parent is the “bad guy”. Get used to that. The only thing you can hope for is that eventually, your son realizes that you are doing what you feel is best for him now and in the long run.
You also need to know that when he visits his father, that is their time together and you are not part of it. I know that this is VERY difficult to hear, but for the most part, what happens at his father’s is none of your business. As long as he is not abused, or neglected and there are no ER trips without your knowledge, it’s all his dad’s time and it’s best not to ask what happened during visits because it will likely only upset you and put your son in the middle. He may tell you things about it eventually, but the more you pry into the time he spends with his father, the more he will keep from you. I would suggest a punishment for the lying, though. If he doesn’t want to tell you something about a visit, fine, but don’t lie about it. In my opinion, don’t make a big deal out of him not telling you stuff, but lying…that’s one that I wouldn’t let go. You will be the “bad guy” and hopefully, he’ll learn to love you for that.

My husband and I have never asked his kids what goes on at their mother’s but they tell us a lot of stuff regardless. She on the other hand asks constantly for information that will make her mad, just so she has a reason to threaten me or scream and curse my husband. It’s getting better though. We have now figured out that not all of what the boys tell us is true, just like not all of what they tell their mother is true.
ALL kids learn to play one parent against the other to get what they want at the moment and if the parents don’t communicate or never catch on to that fact, it can make the situation worse and the hard feelings never go away. Please contact a lawyer, please contact he enforcement agency. Please DO NOT fight this battle alone.

phils,
You are right to say that I am angry, and as hard as I try to let it go HE keeps it going. I no longer speak to my ex and haven’t for some months now. Any correspondence is done throught the mail. He has a PO Box and a cell phone. That is the only way that I can contact him. His
visitation trade off is done in a local shopping center parking lot, it feels a lot like a drug deal. I had to have that put in the order because of my ex’s behavior when he came to my home. I understand all about how the only person that is hurt by my holding onto bitterness and anger is me. A preacher once said, “Holding onto bitterness is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Since this latest barrage of problems, my ashtma has been acting up, I have broken out in hives, etc. I, too, am in counseling. I asked my church for help and was told that they couldn’t help me. I asked why. The pastor called my ex and asked him about the support monies, and my ex mislead the pastor. He told the pastor that he put $500 in the mail to me on Fri. I had to have a court order making the support go through the clerk of the court, because he was constantly threatening to stop the support if he didn’t get his way. So, if he indeed did send the support it comes to me only after it goes through the system. After I explained this to the pastor’s secretary they told me that they would pay one month PWC bill.
If you were to ask my ex he would most likely see me in the same light as you now see your ex. I, however, was always honest and have tried to do the right things by our son. I never cheated on my ex, even though it seemed SOP, while the soldiers were off fighting a war or in the field. I am not so sure I can say the same about him.
Thanks for encouraging me to let the anger go. I need to give it to God and leave it in his hands. I hope that you can let go of your anger also. Maybe we should introduce our ex’s to one another and then they will leave us alone [:D]. I will give you some advise that was recently given to me, “Go to God. Tell him that you are sorry for trying to control the situation and ask him to take over. Tell him that he needs to make your ex do what is right by you and your children. Ask him to show you favor in the eyes of the court and for
your ex not to get a moments rest until she does what is right.” I FINALLY did that and today the CSE has all but $278.53 of our support for the month of August. I only wish that I wouldn’t wait until I am in a corner to ask God for what I need instead of asking in the beginning. Thank goodness He doesn’t expect us to be perfect!

[:D]I’m sooo glad that you contact CSE and that things are working FOR you now. A lot of visitation drop offs take place in parking lots or at least a neutral territory, so don’t feel bad about that. My husband and his ex have 50/50 custody with equal time and stil don’t do exchanges at each other’s houses, this is so neither will have an advantage over the other. It’s like arguing with your spouse while you are naked and they are fully clothed.

It takes most of us getting to the end of our rope before we turn things over. I believe that it is a test to see what we can do for ourselves while keeping the faith. Keep in mind though that God is helping us even while we are helping ourselves.
“Trust in God, but lock your car doors”

I went to a lawyer today and once again there is nothing that I can do for the moment. I was told that my ex pretty much shot himself in the foot by hand writing a threatening letter re: quitting his job so as to pay less support. As far as limiting visitation, I have to get an updated affadavit from the counselor stating his “conclusive” findings re: our child and limited visitation. This will be done in the next couple of weeks. Now the only problem is where to get the $1500 retainer and $200 and hour attorney fees and the $75 an hour employee fees. My church did provide the monies for PWC (this month) Once his new employer gets the court order to with hold support from his pay then that should straighten out the finances, some what. If I still have problems getting the support in a timely fashion then both my ex and his employer will be in contempt. Once again it is a wait and see thing. GGGRRR…
I am putting in applications with some companies on Mon. I have not had a “real” job since 1986. There have been some part time jobs, but none since 1997.

Sometimes, I think women take advantage of the system with the help of Lawyers who only think of what they will be receiving in the end. Some men do call for this sometimes. I am inferring from your email that you were all right and everything was his fault. You were married for 17+ years and did not continue your education? If he convinced you to stay home. you should have done what is good for you. I am in a similar situation and I hate getting married in the first place. It’s hard time the laws change to reflect realities. I do also have pity on Kaycee, I hope you get your education as fast as possible so you can take care of most part of your financial expense.

I have no pity on KAYCEE, welcome to what men go through.

My ex has recently quit his job, however, we have two small children together. He has not paid any child support in months. But, I have always worked and I have never depended solely on my ex’s child support to help pay for things such as car note, house payment, electric and so on. I think that any women that is capable of work should do so as well. Yes, it is the husbands responsiblity to ‘HELP’ support the children, but he should not be the sole person responsible. You made the children together you have to be accountable sometime. So, get out and get a ‘JOB’

brayburn

My ex and I have a VERY rocky divorce. We have a child and I have physical custody. My ex is a long distance trucker. We signed an Order Adopting Parenting Agreement on 4/11/05. The order clearly states the exact days and times that he can vist w/our child. Now he is threatening to quit his high paying long distance trucker job, for a much less paying job (by doing so having to go to court and ask to pay less support) if I don’t agree to let him visit when it is more convenient for him. I am dependent on him for alimony and child support. I was a stay at home wife and mom the entire 17+ years that we were married. Our child has behavorial issues and can’t be left home alone and is too old for child care. I am going to school P/T so that I can get a job that allows me the freedom to either work at home or M-F, 9-5, no nights or weekends or holidays. He is also in contempt of said order by REFUSING to provide me with a physical home address and phone number. He takes our child to a hotel when he has weekend visitation. I can’t afford a lawyer as I live in Fay. and they are $200.00 and hour and most charge even for a consultation. I went to the rosen lawyer site and found my previous lawyer and she was useless to me in the custody, separation, and ED. I have found out more about the law since looking at this site then she ever advised me on. I got taken!