Ex threatening to quit his job


#1

Dear kaycee:

Greetings. The likelihood of the court allowing him to simply “quit” his job and change his child support is little to none. Tell him that you will follow the current court order and if he tries to do something with child support, deal with it when he does. There is clearly a respect issue - he does not respect you, which is why he is threatening you with this stuff. So, make him respect you by following the order.

Child support is handled by child support enforcement generally (you should have already filed a claim with them … and you still can if you have not), and you won’t need to pay an attorney to deal with them. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

I thought that he couldn’t just quit his job. But I am dependant on his money for support. I get alimony and child support and some of his military retirement. I was a stay at home wife and mom while we were married, except for a few P/T jobs. Every month he is late with the support payments thereby causing my payment on bills to be late. This month he is $1151.84 behind. I am unable to pay my mortgage, PWC, phone, gas, or buy groceries without using overdraft protection at $22.00 per check. I am unemployed and trying to go to continuing ed at FTCC. We have a court order in effect for the support to come out of his pay and also that he notify the court of a change of employment. He has changed his employer as of 8/15 and the clerk of the court has no record of the change. I only just yesterday, after 2 years, found out that I could have our case tramsfered to CSE from the Clerks office. Is there a benefit in that? I have to pay them $25.00 and it will take 160 days.He is also refusing to give me his home address as ordered in the Parenting Agreement. Do you have any advise for me as to what course of action I should be taking. PWC is threatening to turn off the power and remove me from equal pay, if they do that they want over $600.00 all at once. What am I to do to keep my electricity on? My ex has turned off his phone and is not avccepting my calls or returning them.
Casey


#3

Actually, your ex can quit his job anytime he wants. The court can certainly order him to remain gainfully employed and pay ‘x’ child support and ‘y’ alimony. It can even seize and sell his assets to satisfy his financial obligations to you and your child. But, in the end, it cannot force him to earn income. If his assets are gone and he refuses to work, he may choose to go to jail rather than provide support.

This extreme tactic, or any other action which results in “bad faith” suppression of income such that his financial obligations remain unfulfilled, will almost certainly result in the court not lowering his child support. But, on the other hand, the power company wants $600 to keep the lights on. Where do you get the money? How do you put food on the table and buy clothes for your child?

My point here is that there is a limitation on what a court can do. If you need to resort to government agencies to help you with the essentials, it is likely the amount of assistance you receive will be much less than that which your ex should be providing.


#4

Of course the man will be able to have his income adjusted if he gets a lower paying job. I have never heard of such a thing as a man essentially becoming a SLAVE to his ex-wife just so she can stay home and go to school. It’s the mans right to get a different job (more than likely paying a lower salary) so that he can quit traveling so he can spend more time with his son/daughter. Every man will probably be faced with a decision similiar to this as more jobs go away and it becomes necessary to travel (most likely as a consultant). This is what is called an “opportunity cost” of not having to travel as much. If the court does not lower the child support agreement it would really make me wonder how far out of whack our divorce laws have gone and why as man did we ever let it get this way.


#5

Dear better_for_tomorrow:

Greetings. I regretfully must disagree. I believe that the court holds someone that is ordered to pay child support and/or alimony to continue to work up to their “full potential” for as long as they can. This may result in them feeling like a “slave” to the obligation. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#6

See this is what happens when some women tries to make ex-husband misserable, now you are backed in a corner and can’t take care of your kids,even though he has taken a lower paying job(for whatever reasons)he still will have to pay support but its not what you use to, so guess what? Its time for you to support yourself, I truly don’t blame your ex I blame you and the system, Yes he should take care of his kids but he should be able to live as well. Why would(should)anyone work their ass off just to give their check to somebody that sits on their ass, drive nice vehicles, live in a nice house, where nice clothes and only spends about 2% on the kids needs sounds like PIMPIN to me.


#7

For your information I was married to this man for over 17 years and at his request I was a stay at home wife and mom. I GAVE up an insurance license in another state and literally did a quit claim deed on my condo. He was in the US Army for 20+ years and upon retiring became a long distance trucker. While he was away in Desert Storm the field and Korea and on the road I took care of EVERYTHING in the house. I called the repairmen, I hired contracters for major home repairs and the bills were always paid on timed and his home was clean and taken care of. His ONLY job was to bring home a pay check and do some yard work. He tried to guilt me into that,too. But I have health issues and couldn’t. FATHERDORIGHT, apparently you have some serious issues. I was forced to ask him to leave the home when he was caught looking at homosexual porn, including teenage boys, on the Internet. We have a teenage son! He should work his ass off, as you put it, because he has a court order to pay alimony and child support. He made over $80,000 in 2004. Why should I or my son suffer because he is a liar and a cheat? I spend WAY more than 2% on my child. You have to consider that a roof, utilities, food and a vehicle is included in the child support payment. The alimony is less than I think that I deserved for staying in an abusive marriage for 17+ years only to find out that he was a homosexual. BESIDES, I didn’t post on here for you to put in your useless 2 cents worth. I posted for a attorney’s help. You should seek help for your anger issues towards women and stand up and pay what your children and ex have been ordered to pay!


#8

Um…there seems to be a lot of anger in this thread.

Kaycee, have you considered the possibility that you may have to get a job to provide for your needs? I"m sure you’ve heard of the old saying “You can’t squeeze water from a stone.” If your ex refuses to live up to his obligations, then you need to step up and provide financially. The alternative is to become a kept woman, only this time government assistance will be your keeper.


#9

[V]I thought that reply may get ugly. It does not matter the reasons that kaycee and her husband split up, or what she is doing with the alimony. What matters is that he was court ordered to pay alimony and child support and he is threatening to use that against her, essentially hurting her and the child, to go against a court order.
I can understand that if he travels alot, possibly his schedule has changed. Maybe you two should try to work out other days that he could see your son[?] maybe not though. Maybe better to stick to the original order if you think you can make it until the court system forces him to pay what he owes. Just remember, that the court system takes it’s own time.
As far as the home address and phone goes…does he maybe not have a home[?] Or due to the nature of the reasons behind your divorce, maybe he doesn’t want his child involved in that part of his lifestyle change yet[?] Just a thought.
The courts or Child Support Enforcement Agency should have a way to contact him in any case. Could those payments not be taken from his paychecks if the Enforcement Agency contacts his employer?
Keep your chin up and good luck!


#10

Come on guys! I believe that she did say she was going back to school part time and has a child with behavioral issuses who can not be left alone or in child care. You can not expect anyone, whether man or woman who has been a stay at home caregiver for 17+ years to just go out and find a job making any kind of money. And though it’s not fair, a woman that has been out of the job market for that long, even with a college degree will still not make as much as a man would in the same job. It does sound to me as if she’s trying to do what’s right for her and her son in the long run.
kaycee may have other options now for her future, but seeing as she put her life and finacial obligations in her husband’s hands and like so many of us, never planned on a future where it would be any different, it’s not difficult to understand that those other options will take time to pan out and she needs help now. Her husband was court ordered to hold up his finacial responsibilities to his family and that is what he should be doing.
Don’t you think it’s possible that she feels she has sacrificed enough in the last 17 years to warrent her being taken care of until she CAN stand on her own?


#11

I nmost cases, the courts orders are not realistic. Most fathers want to do the right thing for their children but, the courts rape the men to the point where they cannot support themselves anymore. Who ended up with all the marital debt if any? In most cases, the men get all the debt and the women get the children, the house and most of the mans income. He is left with 3 choices. File For bankruptcy (with new bankruptcy laws this may not be a choice anymore), quit his job and hide or commit suicide.

The women just end up destitute from their own greed. Note also, that the first to get paid will be the lawyers. Then, comes the children/wife and then the creditors and after that, the man usually has nothing left and does not know where to turn. The man will have a definate anger problem when left like this. I know this can work both ways also. I have seen where the man gets it all and the wife is left to defend for herself.

If, people knew that in a divorce, everthing was split evenly down the middle, then things would work out better for everyone. The courts are too onesided and everyone loses big time in the end. Just like Kaycee will. You have to face the facts. If the man is struggling and feels used and abused then he will most likely just give up trying and be never heard from again.

Where will that leave you?

The courts have remedies but, they will take too long for you when you are in a desperate situation and, they only work if the man lets them.

Phil


#12

Stepmother,
Like some men in this situation, the ones answering my post are being unrealistic about life, marriage, family values and responsiblilty. They need someone to blame and instead of looking in the mirror they blame their ex wives and the mothers of their children. I have been everywhere to get help to pay my bills (DSS, The Salvation Army, my church and Operation Blessing) I can’t get help from any of them. My ex could care less about exposing our son to his lifestyle. He has no morals and values and is a PIG! My electricity will be turned off on the 24th and he could care less. He uses our son as a pawn in his war against me. The only thing that I did was take care of EVERYTHING and caught him looking at gay porn and naked teenage boys on the Internet. His, supposed, excuse for not giving me his home address is that he is fearful of me because of my mental state. HHHMMM… yet he isn’t concerned about the safety of our son living with me 24/7[?]I am going to wind up having to become a dead beat and not pay the phone bill and all credit cards but one. I am letting Sprint turn off my cell phone and will incur a $150 fee (+ 2 months behind) all of which I am not going to pay. I have already gotten another cell co.to give me an account with no $$ down and a free phone. I am getting a new # and the ex will have to pound salt when it comes to contacting our son. I won’t have a phone or puter as of the 20th and it is his fault. I have already decided that I am screwed and once my son gets into wilderness camp in Sept. I am going to look for a job. For you men out there add some more money to your taxes because there is going to be another single mom and child on welfare!!! I can’t pay bills on minimum wage.


#13

Phils,
You are right the order isn’t fair. I SHOULD BE GETTING MORE ALIMONY AND FOR A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME! I got screwed and didn’t even get a kiss[:X]. This man betrayed everything holy & natural & right by lying to me about who and what he was. He makes over $67,000 on his job and then another $16,000 in Army retirement. He gets bonuses every quarter for safety at $500+. I am the one whose customary standard of living has declined tremendously! I am uneducated and had every intention of staying married for life. I am only asking for what is ours. I was going to school P/T so that I wouldn’t be dependant on him for finances and not have to go on welfare. We were supposed to be working together for our family. I get a small portion of his monies. I got the house, the mortgage payment, the required repairs on the house. At least if he committed suicided I could get $100,000 in VGLI and our son would continue to get a portion of his retirement until he’s 18 or in school until 23. I got the debt! Somehow his lawyer got put into the case that he “is specifically not orderd by the court to pay the timeshare” ( I never agreed to that). Our son and I are the only ones that got “raped” by the system. I would prefer that he “fall off the face of the earth” at least then I would know where I stand. We settled out of court so he agreed to everything that he is ordered to pay and do. It took 8 hours and $1600.00 just on my side to get done. He already has anger issues, that is what a sex addict has! My demanding what is rightfully ours is not going to make that any worse. He apparently is “living on the low down” Now he is going to ruin some other poor womans life like he did mine.


#14

WakeDad,
I had every intention of getting a job once I got enough continuing ed under my belt so as to be able to make more than minimum wage. I most definately do not like being totally dependant on him for finances as he has proven time and again that he feels above the law. If I get a minimum wage job I will eventually have to go on welfare once the Alimony and child support runs out. That means that you and others will be helping to support me. HHHMMMMM… would you really rather I go on welfare so that I can work now, or finish my continuing ed and get a real job and not be a burden on society? Like many single moms,my standard of living went down tremendously. While he and our son stay in hotels, go to the movies, eat out, and play video games when together; I can’t even afford a delivered pizza. If you were a kid who would you think was the “super hero”[?]Shoot at this point I would just be grateful to have my PWC kept on and to be able to buy milk and TP. I can make homemade pizza.


#15

Be mad ,angry or pissed off at me all you want but the facts remain the same, if hes order to pay a certain amount and his income has changed and he can’t pay that amount “What You Going To DO” send him to jail, then you won’t get nothing. As you stated you was married to this guy for 17 years and he was abusive to you, he was a homosexual and a probably a child molester but all that was ok while he was in the military and driving trucks bringing home the money to you, but you probably going to say “But I just found out” teah right. Ain’t it funny how so much dirty laundry comes out when people don’t want you anymore. But truly I’m not trying to point any fingers and he probably is a piece off **** but you can’t sit around and wait for him ot the courts to do something you must take your financial matters in your own hand because you’re waitng on something that might never happen, you have no controll over the courts or your ex, so even if they take his entire check (which the won’t) it still want satisfy your situation. Be Independent.


#16

If you go back and read your post Kaycee all you talk about is your needs and his money, what he owes you, what you should have got, what happened to getting away from a pervert, what happend to protecting my child, what happened to getting free from that demond the devil sent you. what happend to moving on with your life. Why worry about a man that not worried about you nor his kid, sooner or later you going to need to let the anger you have for this man go and move on with or without his money.


#17

FATHERDORIGHT,
Obviously you know nothing about being the one that is abused. After a while one begins to believe all of the crap that is said about you. ANY self esteem that I had went out the door. Yes, it was “ONLY” emotional,mental, and verbal. All of my bruises are on the inside. As for “pretending” that I didn’t know, I didn’t even have a suspicion. He came back from Korea “claiming” to be born again. He started counseling with our pastor. Finally he was convinced to tell me that he had a sexual addiction (porn and self gratification), homosexuality was NEVER mentioned! He was in a men’s help group at our church, in counseling with our pastor, and we were in marriage counseling with a Biblical counselor. He lied to ALL of us. GOD, he was in the US Army for 20+ years, the last 7+ were in the 82nd Airborne. My son is in counseling as well. The counselor used to work for DSS and he doesn’t think that my ex has done anything to him. I am ANGRY that he thinks that he is above the law and apparently, he is. THAT SUCKS! Now instead of being allowed to better myself, by getting an education, I have been forced to find a job. Probably a minimum wage one! My son thinks that his dad is a “super hero”. I am ANGRY that this is the example my son is has in how treat his wife, child and family. LIKE POOP! I have an affadavit from our family counselor that my ex should have limited visitation and my lawyer, Laura Devan, refused to submit it to the court. She suggested that I could loose my son in a custody battle because, at the time I was taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. BOTH of which I no longer need now that I am no longer married to my ex. I KICKED him out as soon as I knew that he was a pervert. These sorts of people are good at keeping secrets. He comes across as a “man’s man”, all man, etc. I am trying to move on but it is difficult when I am faced with having my utilities turned off due to his failure to obey court orders. He made a COMMITMENT, in 1986, to take care of me and our family and has failed miserably. I used to think like you do. How could you live with someone and not know? Well punkin’… you can! Believe me I was mortified and didn’t sleep for 3 days when I found out about him. I was upset that he was a homosexual, but MORTIFIED when he was looking a teenage boys, I was afraid for our son. I called the police dept. and gave them the website. I was told the the “boys” on there were of legal age, what ever that is, and that the site was legal. I pray for my son to be protected both physically and mentally every time he is with his dad.
How dare you judge me! You must be like him and not want to keep your commitments to your family either! [:X]


#18

You originally said your ex’s threat to get a lower paying job was a result of him asking to have his visitation changed. Seems to me that unless there is a “control issue”, or you’re trying to use the child as a punishment tool, all you have to do is try to compromise and allow him to have some additional or different visitation time.


#19

hawkman,
You are totally right, there is a control issue; his. I tried compromising with him over the last 2 years and I got nothing in return except the same disrespect, anger, bitterness, etc. He didn’t ask he automatically demanded and threatened me with finances. This is his last little hold over me and I hate it more than you can imagine.I was trying to get educated at the tech school and he messed that up for me. I don’t have a problem with “one hand washes the other” but the more I gave the more he steals. So since it gets me nowhere I choose to make him abide by the visitation orders, which by the way he is in contempt of, by “his willful refusal” to provide me with his home address and phone number. He makes a point of sending things home with our son, that I have specifically asked him not to. PURPOSELY causing me to be the bad guy. I am concerned about my sons safety when he is with my ex. My lawyer, Laura Devan, refused to submit an affadavit from the family counselor stating that my ex should have limited visitation due to his addictions and past actions. He encourages him to lie and hide things from me, causing my son and me problems in our home. After a visit with him our son is more sullen, angry, disrespectful, argumentative, etc. than the usual teenager. I have tried my darndest to get along with this a-hole and he just can’t seem to recriprocate. I am a firm believer in you get what you give. Since he is not willing to even be cordial to me in our tiny encounters, because he doesn’t know how to behave I am forced to trade my son in a shopping center parking lot like a drug deal, and does everything in his power to cause problems in my home then I am done trying to compromise with him. The bottom line is he has a commitment to his son and me as well as a court order. I have decided that if you can’t beat 'um join 'um. He will no longer visit with my son until the monies are caught up. I am going to try and hire a lawyer to file numerous charges and changes to the orders, while asking that all of my overdraft protection fees, past due fees, reconnect fees, ever the limit fees, attorney fees and court costs be paid by him. I am smart enough to realize that if he goes to jail we don’t get our support. However, maybe if he were to spend a night or two in jail he wouldn’t be so willing to disregard the law and court orders. He is teaching a VERY sad lesson to our son about how to honor your commitments and how to treat your family.


#20

kaycee,
Your anger is justifed but, that anger is going to be the end of you. I know, I am in a similar situation but with my wife. She is very greedy and will shoot herself in the foot just to get what she wants. I am full of anger in how she went behind my back with her sister and set me up for 2 Domestic Violence charges in one week. I have been married to her for 14 years and she and my 2 sons are all ADHD and I never had an anger problem until after her and her sister set me up. My anger will not go away unless I get my sons and my home back and knowing the courts, that won’t happen even though, I have spent many wonderfull times with my sons in scouts, Karate lessons, sports and church organizations. My wife can never seem to find happiness no matter what I do. She is always looking for greener pastures. And, as selfish as she is, she will force me to try and live with this anger which i know I cannot. I have been to counseling for months now and it does not help me at all. I cannot forget what her and her sister did to me and my sons out of greed. My court date is on 911 (Argh!) and that is when I find out whether I will get my sons back or whether my life is over. I cannot bear to watch what happens to my sons in her care. They will grow up to be just agreedy as she is and as cold as both her and her sister. My wife did not hold a tax paying job for many years. She worked cleaning homes for people and was paid under the table. She quit all her cleaning jobs 2 days before filing for divorce. Then, after the judge gave her temporay custody and told her to go back to work while I paid the mortgage and utilites, she instead scheduled surgery on her feet so she could not go back to work. Then she had the nerve to tell me I had to give her money for food and gas. I told her to stick it where the sun don’t shine!

Your son should know whether his father is a threat or not and you should listen to him cloesly and try not to belittle his father because it will only turn him against you.

I wish you the best of luck in getting things straightened out. Has your church offered any help? Most churches will help their people.

Phil