My husband of soon to be 25 years filed for divorce in the fall of last year. However, he would not leave. I made arrangements to get a home loan and move, but he will not sign financial separation papers unless he gets 50/50 custody of the kids. The kids at 14 do not want to live with their father. He has also taken us 2 1/2 years ago into Chptr 13 and is now stating he can’t find a place to live because of that, although in his divorce from bed and board he requested I be out of the house with him keeping all the furnishings, etc…
He claims he will win custody of the kids because he has been living in a “hostile” environment. This is a man who pushes buttons every weekend to setup an argument and then tries to act like the victim, when I confront him. Other than these issues he brings up we ignore each other. We have lived in separate bedrooms for almost 3 years. Never once did he request I return or ask me why I left. He and his parents began researching their rights upon divorce three years prior to his filing.
History: He pays the home loan, chptr 13, and basic utilities. I pay for everything else. I have complied with his instructions in this arrangement. He accuses me of demeaning him in front of the children because they ask him first if he can provide for something. If he cannot, then they come to me and I do it. Frequently, things are setup so that he forces expenses on me. This is the budget plan he setup when he took over the budget in 2005 and six months later filed chptr 13 after significantly contributing to our debt. He only cooks and feeds himself. He only does laundry for himself. He does take the garbage out and mow the lawn, but that is all that he does to contribute to the general maintenance of the home and the children. We have significant pets, which he agreed to and now wants to drop all the expense and responsibility on me. I insist that he pay for the rabies vaccines every three years, which is an issue for him. I insist that he pay 50% of the kids school clothes each year. He contributes a very minute amount to groceries, but until about two weeks ago that basically fed him. I told him I was no longer going to feed him since I felt very used and abused. he next words confirmed it, as he said, in that case I really need to move out since you won’t cook for me anymore.
Up until last year I worked part-time from the home in order to be available to my twins when necessary. When he filed Cptr 13 I sought additional contracts for my self-employee, but they were not fruitful, so I began seeking full-time employment and finally obtained it about a year later. I have worked 22 of the 25 years of our marriage. My pension was the down payment for our home and moved us across the country to it. My inheritance made significant improvements to the home. He does not consider that I have contributed to our marriage.
He has accused me of being bi-polar and a drug addict because I’m on pain medications due to disc bulges in my cervical spine causing significant pain. For 25 years every argument led him to accuse me of a mental instability because I didn’t agree with him. We went to marriage counseling and he has been diagnosed by a psychologist as a narcissist. There is no history of drug seeking.
How much weight does his “hostile” environment have regarding custody of my children?