How can I get custody?

Wow, this sounds almost exactly the same thing my husband and I are dealing with, except, the mother has 13 criminal convictions since 1993 which we only found out about this past weekend. The latest charge was assault and battery on her past live-in boyfriend. She spent the night in jail and had to post bond to be released. She refuses to work and is calling an ex to send her funds for rent and food for my stepson. You are absolutely right, the damage that can be done will be emotional, and it appears to me (through our experience) that NO ONE IN THE COURT SYSTEM, is interested in EMOTIONAL DAMAGE being placed on the child. Please do not give ; up. You have many many years of visition/custody. The best thing you can do, and it will be hard, is to NOT send her any funds above and beyond those required by your child support order. It sounds to me that your ex is very good at manipulating you into providing her with additional money; and as long as you provide her with the extra funds, she will keep coming back to the well. I hope you live within the area that Rosen Law Firm can help you; they have appeared to be the most geniune and understanding of the emotional battles we, as clients must fight. Good luck.

[i]Originally posted by phils[/i] [br]Save up enough money to get a digital recorder and keep in on you at all times. You will be glad you did.

Keep a journal of all things child related. At five years of age, you have a lot of years ahead of you for your fight. And, it will be a fight.

Unless your X is a drug addict, neglects the child or a child abuser, your chances of custody are slim.

All children deserve equal time with both their parents. Todays laws do not provide “Whats In The Bst Interest Of The Child”!

Get involved to change current Family Laws.

F4J is a 501 C (3) non-profit , voluntary army of mothers, fathers, grandparents and others dedicated to fighting for truth, justice and equality in family law.


Sorry about that I hit the wrong button.

Phil, I know what you are saying about trying to get custody. That is exactly how I feel about the situation. My family keeps saying that I should fight now and that I could get custody becuase of the way things are. When I tell them that I would need to prove that she is doing drugs in front of my son they tell me I am wrong or that it seems a little extreme. I agree with you…laws do not truly consider what is best for the child. I was reading around and found a case where a SC judge had said that he always grants custody of children to the mother becuase he has never seen a baby calf with a bull. No offense to you struggling mothers out there but that’s a load of crap. It is not fair that my son and I should have to suffer just because she is the mother. I serious believe that she has some mental problems because of how she acts like she is going to die when I have my son. She is constantly calling 2-3 times a days when he is with me. I try to not call her when she has our son, I view that as her time and honestly, I just don’t want to speak with her anymore than I have to.

Dear 143,

If your son is not being well cared for with his mother then I would advise you to file a motion to modify custody and ask the court to grant you more time with your son. The court does have a bias towards maintaining the status quo unless that situation is unhealthy for the child.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

This is so hard. I am a father who loves my son very much and I cannot seem to keep him in a good enviroment. In the past three years, my ex has moved herself and our son 12 different times. Her most recent moved put my son out of the school district that he was in, he’s 5. The teacher is being nice and said that she would not say anything about the move. The places that she live in never have a bed room for my son. The place that she is at now is 2 bedrooms, with her and her brother and our son. Within the past two weeks, she had her boyfriend move in as well. I know how hard it is for father’s to get custody and although it may not seem like a life threatening situation for my son to be in, I believe the situation could be mentally damaging to him. I live with my girlfriend but we have a nice large house that we rent. My son has his own room with his own bed. I am afraid if he continues to stay with her where he is going to end up sleeping, the floor, the couch, or in the bed with her and her new boyfriend.
I am running out of ideas. There is a lot of detail in this situation. She is currently unemployeed and gets unemployement. She also gets a large sum of money twice a year. Still, somehow she never seems to have any money and is always complaining to me that she needs more money. I think that she is going to try and take me to court soon to have the child support increased which is fine. I just wish there was a way to prove that she was actually using it on my son and not so she can go out to the bar and party with her friends.
Any one got any suggestions. My resources are extremely limited.

–feeling hopeless![V]