I really need some legal help!



Two points:

  1. From the heart, let me just say that I have been there with you in an almost identical situation. Five years later, and I am still frustrated by having to deal with ongoing issues of emotional and verbal abuse. There are no simple solutions or quick fixes. I encourage you to reach out to your friends and family for support, get your kids in counseling - especially the youngest if you can’t convince the oldest, get some counseling for yourself if you can, and be patient. No matter what happens, you and your kids are better off without him than with him.

  2. He is preparing for battle, watch your back and don’t let the heartbreaking emotional issues cloud your mind. Don’t fall prey to trying to protect your child emotionally to the extend that you allow him to take advantage of you financially, because HE WILL NOT EVER GO AWAY, no matter how much you hope that he will. I suspect he is planning to hit you for a substantial amount of alimony. Don’t let the carrots he is throwing out fool you - and agree to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING before you get an attorney. He is simply working to get “verbal agreement” on certain items that could possibly be in dispute before he hits you with items on which he has a clear right to collect. Don’t be fooled, he has done his homework. HE HAS AN ATTORNEY. You need one too.



I absolutely concur with what Tangled wrote above. Every minute you waste is a mistake. Call for a consultation with an attorney TODAY. Get in as soon as possible. A consultation is not all that expensive, and nothing (such as a retainer agreement) has to be signed right then and there. Call TODAY, do not hesitate! While this site is excellent, they are very busy and your post was a long one, it could be a bit before they can respond and you need to call TODAY.

An attorney can advise you of the steps you need to take, what you can expect, and how to protect assets NOW. They can also advise you as to what you should say when dealing with him, how to set up visitation for your son (if any under the circumstances, although there are steps you need to take to prevent him from getting unsupervised visitation if he is violent or abusive) , and perhaps most importantly, can help you file for custody of your son ASAP. Money grubbing, lazy men like your soon-to-be-ex will think NOTHING of keeping your son after a visitation, and posession is 9/10ths of the law without a custody order. HE HAS EQUAL RIGHTS TO YOUR SON, he could even pick him up from daycare. It does NOT matter that you are married to this guy, or that he is your son and you are the Mom - you need a legal custody order ASAP.

I am NOT giving legal advice here, but it sounds as if a domestic restrainig order could be helpful in this situation if he is violent or abusive, that would keep him out of the house and help with the unsupervised visitation issue… Again - consult one of the attorneys, call to set up that consultation TODAY.

Just becasue he SAYS he will sign over the house and the suburban to you does NOT mean he will do it, and verbal agreements count for little in a divorce battle. The equity in the home is marital property, anything you acquired during the marriage is marital property - regardless of who paid for it. Again, talk to an attorney ASAP because once he actually does talk to an attorney of his own, all bets are off about ‘agreeing’ to sign over anything to you. FORGET ABOUT FAIR. FORGET ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU EARNED IT ALL. You are unfortunately going to discover, as many of us have, that fair and just has little to do with real life in a divorce. Lazy men DO sometimes get alimony in this state, and if he gets his hands on your son he will get child support too.

As for his claims of seeing an attorney about child support, you can use the NC site to figure out what child support should be. They have calculators on this site as well. So don’t assume that just because he talks about having an attorney he has one… his demands are going to become MUCH more once he actually has a consultation with an attorney and figures out what his lazy-butt self is entitled to.

Bottom Line: CALL for a consultation with an attorney TODAY. Rosen is an excellent choice if you are in their area (you can always call to find that out.) If not, look on their recoomended lawyers page. CALL TODAY… CALL TODAY. CALL TODAY. Additionally, start documenting all of his phone calls, and if possible record them if he gets verbally abusive. Document all of his requests to see his son (very telling if there aren’t actually any requests), all of his phone calls to his son, and any abusive behavior. Are there witnesses other than your daughter? People who can testify on your behalf about the abuse if it comes to that? Keep track of these little details. It IS necessary, don’t fool yourself.

An additional thought is for you to reach out and get into some type of support group. i don’t know if the divorce care groups in your area take separated people, but you can always ask. Talking with others who have been in your situation is immensely valuable. Gather your family, friends, support people and helpful others around you, you are going to need them.

Best of Luck!


Dear jwells:

Greetings. Now I see why you were not answered previously, since there have been other posts to your original post which kept moving you down the line.

Yes, you can change the locks, but you also need to send him a letter advising him about domestic criminal trespass.

Sure, you can try to get a further settlement from him, but remember that until it is written in an agreement and signed, it is not binding.

I am sure that you can bring up the fact that he is financially irresponsible in any support hearing, but I am not sure that it will matter, since financial support is usually about crunching the numbers.

As far as costs, have you reviewed our attorney fee calculator?

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I will warn you that things will get pretty nasty as soon as he hires a lawyer…he probably has one but either way it will be very ugly and he will play head games with you and say things that are not true to hurt you and etc.

Men can be very vindictive so be prepared for anything. You need to THINK LIKE A MAN!

PLEASE go get a protective order against him since he was abusive and etc so he can not come with-in 500 feet of your home and include any and all relatives that live near you and you visit regularly so that you are also protected their too. He will be very ticked off when he gets served and could be very vindictive so be careful and Do Not let your guard down for one minute.

No one wins in divorce only the Lawyers do!


You should call and talk to the lawyer I used…he did not charge me to talk to me about my case but after talking he took the case!

Here is the name of the law firm I used…

Barnes, Grimes, Bunce & Fraley, PLLC

20 South Main Street, P.O. Box 476
Lexington, North Carolina 27292-0476
(Davidson Co.)

Telephone: 336-249-9128

Ask for Mr. Bunce…he is an excellent lawyer and he won my case.

I was very pleased with him and will use him IF I ever need another NC lawyer again!



No one wins in divorce only the Lawyers do!


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Hi, I really need help with many issues, questions and need guidance and assistance.
This is my second marriage. we have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. The entire marriage I have carried the financial responsibility load and when is working he still never gives any money for expenses, he spends all his money on himself. We share a child…3 1/2 yrs old. My 16 yr old from my first marriage(of 13yrs) lives with us. Our first year was ok as far as our relationship, but after that has been an emotional rollercoaster in which I have been victim to verbal/emotional abuse and for awhile wondered what I was doing wrong to be treated that way. REcently, he has become physical and threatening and has been inappropriate to my daughter and our son.

he has moved his personal items(clothing,necessities) out of the home and has not been here. He has now abandoned me physically as well as emotionally and financially. He refuses to go to counseling. He blames me for everything and says I have belittled him and he can’t get over it. He was without a job for 9 months and I worked 60-72 hrs/week to provide and he was going to the bank getting $400 at a time and blowing it…AND not working nor trying to work. I finally had enough and told him that he had to get a job and start helping and I took my bank card and only gave him a $100/week allowance to have. Even when he was working, I still paid all the bills and in the 3 1/2 year we’ve been together he hasn’t given me over $5000.00 total to help with any expenses.

Can I change my locks and keep him from coming back into this home ?
He only has a safe full of guns left in the home and our bedroom furniture which he says he’s going to get. The other furniture in the home was mine before we married and is not very expensive, the bedroom furniture we acquired while married and is antique mahagony valued at around $10000.

He says he will sign over the home both our names is on the mortgage and that I 've been paying for now for 3 years. The home was purchased for $112,000 and has increased in value $75,000 over the last 3 years. there is a boat worth approx $30,000, a 1998 suburban with 300.000 miles, a 1986 corvette(he just purchased after trading my old truck) and there’s 4-wheelers, a gun safe valued at $1200.00, that’s really it. Should I try and get any further settlement if he agrees to give me the clear title(already in my name ) for the suburban AND he relinquishes all rights to the home ?

Also, there’s child support and custody. Because of his abusive, inappropriate and wreckless unsafe behavior, I don’t feel safe letting our son be with him unsupervised. I would like SOLE custody and not have to have his permission for certain school, etc. I don’t want him to not ever see our son, I want them to have a relationship, but I want it to be safe and healthy. It takes me several days to get our son back to normal after he witnesses any of my husbands language, behavior that’s inappropriate. He has also been abusive verbally to my daughter and she has witnessed his language, physical abuse and threats against my personal well-being. He says he’s had his attorney run child support and based on his $800/week income and that I make around $600/week and I pay insurance ($360/month for the 4 of us) and he has child support of $280/month for his child from a previous marriage who is 6 years old that he will only have to pay me $69.00/week child support.
I really don’t care about the money, I don’t need it to survive, but I also think he should have to meet some type of responsibility in his life.

Can it be factored in that he has not contributed to this household financially for the entire duration AND that he has now abandoned us ?

I want SOLE custody and for visitation to be supervised until he has documentation of some psychological help for himself and demonstration of appropriate language and behavior.

how much will it cost me legally to accomplish all my goals and things legally that I need that I may not realize…I am hurt, confused and just feel plain stupid, but I love my children and value their health and safety and want normality for them. CAN U PLEASE HELP ME ???

sincerely, Jennie