I need help here

If she has admitted to you that this has happened then you need to make a decision on what YOU will do next. You can’t change her feelings anyway, that’s not up to you. If she is seeking divorce or separation, then you need to have her move out. Tell her that you don’t want to disrupt your children’s live any more than necessary so until she makes up her mind about this 3rd party she should leave them with you in the home.[}:)] This is sneaky, I know, but you need to protect yourself and your children. And you will stand a better chance of at least getting joint custody or custody if the children stay in the marital home with you. Custody is based on one thing only, best interest of the child. That usually means that both parents are involved in their lives and have equal time and interest. Get a lawyer, get a separation agreement! You can have custody arrangements included in the separation agreement. Talk to the children too. You don’t have to tell them that their mother is having an affair, in fact it would be better NOT to tell them, they will find out soon enough. But they should have a say in where they want to live now because the courts do not base custody solely on what the child wants.
Adultery is a considered a crime in NC, but NC is also a “no fault” state, meaning that the only reason for divorce is one year and one day of living separate and apart and that does not start until one of you leave the home. Alienation of Affection or criminal conversation could be placed on the 3rd party but I don’t have the specifics about those. Be prepared to do some digging or hire someone who can find the proof you need. The main thing is that you need to worry about you and the children. You have too many emotions going on right now to make a rational decision. Seek legal counsel.

Don’t use the fact that she’s cheating on you as a reason to get custody of the kids. You have to seperate your feelings and want for revenge from the important issue. If you’re seeking custody, do it for the right reasons. Stepmom, is again, right. If you can get her to leave the home, do it. Change the locks, and if you’re renting, see if the rental office will remove her from the lease immediately. (this prevents her from being able to have them unlock the doors later.) If she tries to take the kids with her, explain that the kids need to stay in the home, to keep from disrupting their lives. Tell her “we’ll just tell the kids mommy and daddy need some time away.” Try to get as much information on her and “Rico Suave” as you can but don’t get caught. Be reasonable and allow her to still see the kids but not in the home.(This makes you look like the good guy later.)

 Why is divorce so expensive?...because it's worth it.

I just found out that my wife is having an emotional\physical affair. The only thing that has happened so far is a kiss. She is seeking a divorce or separation. I can’t get online and get her cell phone records. I am wondering if I can get any kind of alienation of affection against her in order to get my children. I can’t prove anything other than word of mouth. I really want her to stay away from him because he will hurt her in the long run but I can’t change her feeling’s right now. My oldest daughter (7) will be crushed when she finds out who it is and may choose to stay with me. I don’t know what to do. Do I have any options?