When she leaves do not let her take the kids if at all possible. Try and get them tons more than her until you make it to court (pick them up from daycare, tell her you need them for comfort. If she is having an affair then she probably won’t mind letting you have them more than her? Also, hire a PI to get it on film. These both should help you in court. sorry.


Dear devastated:

Greetings. First, I am sorry to hear about the betrayal. I agree with “mbn” that you should try to keep the children with you, since you took care of them anyway while she was out partying.

I would argue that you should not pay alimony. Adultery is just as much about her frame of mind (for negotiating) as it is her actions. Keep your head up, take care of your children and yourself, and see an attorney! Best of luck and keep us posted on how things are going.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


my wife informed me that she was leaving me before xmas 03. she stated that she was unhappy and that it was not my fault. i now know that she has feelings for someone else. we have two children. i am the support spouse. she says that she has not commited adultery. she has had a affair with her heart. i have tried to reconcile along as there has been no sex outside the marriage. she will be leaving the home soon. a little info: for the last 2 years she has worked at night while i have the children at home. she started going out after work just about every night. i took issue with her over this, but it did not stop. she had me handcuffed at home with the kids. i have stood by her waiting for her to realize this was not right, but now she has found someone else that makes her happy. i have provided for my family paying all the bills. she has provided groceries with her money. she is a good mother. she says that i am a good father and husband, but not what she wants now. i have commited no marital fault, but i fear i will become a every other weekend dad. i fear i will have to pay her way out and support my children through child support even though i am not leaving. what are my rights? what are my obligations? my wife seems very confused. she is seeking legal speration in hopes that she is lifted of marital resposibilities. i believe she thinks that she will be able to act on these feelings she has for the other man. can she leave the state? the children and her are on my insurance. how much would this effect child support? given the circumstances would i pay alimony? she has admitted to not being a good wife. i feel that if she wants to leave she should pay her own way and i continue health coverage on the kids and have equal time with the kids. this has been very emotional time for me. losing sleep. losing weight. losing hope. very lost. help!