I need some advice, Help!

I posted this under Parenting Issues also: Can’t hurt to say it again[:)]

You can take your son with you if you decide to leave, but my suggestion is, find the proof of these alleged affairs, find an attorney, file for separation and Divorce from Bed & Board, and have HIM move out.

This is from the FAQ’s on Separation on the home web site here:
What effect will leaving have on a subsequent custody determination?
Many couples stay together “for the children’s sake.” Other couples feel they should separate for the very same reason. For this second group of parents, their fear is that even though they are leaving to protect the children, their chances for custody may be jeopardized by the fact that they decided to leave. In some instances this fear is justified. In others, however, leaving may be the best course of action. Consider the situation of a father who feels that he must leave his marriage for the health of his family. In his heart he believes that he is ultimately a better parent than the mother. Aspects of her parenting style worry him and he feels that the children will be healthier if he has primary custody. Moreover, he would most likely facilitate contact between the mother and the children. If the mother had custody, on the other hand, she would most likely cut off contact between him and the children. In order to develop a plan and establish himself in a separate residence, he decides to leave for a short period of time. After a few months, once he has made a new home for his children, he plans to return to seek custody. Is his plan to leave the home for a short time a good one? Probably not. Every day that he is away from his children - regardless of his reasons or intent - could be construed as deserting those children. Furthermore, every day that he is away is one more day in which the mother’s relationship with the children grows stronger. What is the best course of action for a parent who needs to leave, but wants to protect custody? In most cases, the parent should take the children with him or her. It may be difficult - in fact, some parents may decide that the best interests of their children dictate giving up the pursuit of custody - but it is an important course of action to consider.

These two also under the FAQ’s on Separation:

What if one spouse wants the other spouse to leave?
In the film “The War of the Roses,” Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner go to great lengths to force the other person out of the house. Many have found the movie’s dark humor entertaining. Unfortunately, its premise isn’t necessarily that far-fetched. Often the law forces people to act in strange ways to protect their interests. This can sometimes make getting a spouse out of the house very difficult. However, under the law in effect since June 21, 1995, it is far less difficult for parties to decide to live apart. In many instances, one spouse finds that he or she is in an unworkable marriage, but, for whatever reasons, does not want to leave the marital residence. While he or she might want to force the other spouse out of the house, an individual cannot legally do so without the intervention of a third party, such as the court. North Carolina courts have the power to force a spouse out of the marital residence if the other can support a claim for divorce from bed and board, child support, and alimony or postseparation support where fault is shown.

What is divorce from bed and board?
Divorce from bed and board is an antiquated statute and concept, but it still has its place in family law. It is, essentially, a judicially-sanctioned separation. In order for a spouse to prevail in a divorce from bed and board action, he or she must establish that the other spouse has committed one of the following fault grounds: 1. Abandonment. ( i.e. willfully leaving the marriage without just cause and without the consent of the other spouse) 2. Maliciously turning the other spouse out of doors. 3. Cruel or barbarous treatment that endangers the life of the other. 4. Indignities that render the other spouse’s condition intolerable and life burdensome. 5. Excessive use of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and the life of that spouse burdensome. 6. Adultery. If the court finds that at least one of these factors exists and that the marriage has deteriorated so badly that the only remedy is to force one spouse to leave, it will do so by granting a divorce from bed and board. If the court awards custody of the children to one spouse, a corresponding child support award may include possession of the marital home. The court might even order transfer of title to real property as part of an alimony or child support award. It is very important to note, though, that forcing a spouse to leave the marital home is quite drastic and courts are reluctant to do so unless the evidence strongly supports that course of action. It thus makes sense to consider seeking possession or ownership of the marital home in conjunction with an action for divorce from bed and board, alimony, postseparation support, and/or child support. At the very least, such a claim forces the other spouse to deal with the situation and may lead to expedited resolution of some separation issues.

Note #4 & #6 under the Divorce from Bed & Board question. I would consider surfing the internet for single women and lying about his marital status to be those sort of indignaties. #6 is self explanatory, Adultery is a crime in NC. In my opinion, he sounds to me like he is too young to understand what marriage means and is trying to scare you into staying with his sorry, lying, cheating butt.


I have a question that needs to be answered. I have 5 other children from a marriage before the one i’m in now. I have a 3 month old son from my husband now. I am nursing him and am the primary sole care giver to him. I get up at night to feed him and my husband hasn’t not once. I don’t get much sleep but care for him most of the time. Yes, my older children do help me when i ask them to.

But, I know he has cheated on our marriage mentally but going to find out Monday if he did physically. He does have signs of cheating but won’t go get checked out.

My question is that he said i can’t take my newborn with me if i leave the house ( i live in north carolina). I know a newborn needs his mother. Espeically if she is nursing. I am 34 yrs old and my husband is 21 yrs old. ( yes big age gap) He never wanted children and when i found out he was doing things in the marriage he shouldn’t have and with me knowing he didn’t want children i was going to put my son up for adoption. ( this was when i was 4/5 months pgnt) But that was then. I love my son to death and would do anything for him as i would my other children.

My newborn was born early at 33 weeks because i got really upset over something i found on my husband. ( yes internet stuff and saying he is single and meeting girls on there). But i have a very healthy son now and all because of the care i have been giving him.

I am so scard that i can’t do anything and i have to stay in this marriage because he said that he will take custody of my son. I want to know if he can when he really hasn’t even stepped up to the plate on caring for him all the time. I mean we went on vacation and he didn’t have to work but yet he didn’t once get up with him and let me rest a night or two.

What are my chances of getting custody of my new born son. I can’t deal with the stuff that has been going on in the marriage and he just won’t change or even go to the Dr to get checked out for the stuff that was found on him. He tells me that they have always been there and i know for a fact they have not! What can i do?

rose tanner