In Limbo


#1

You are not alone in those types of feelings. My situation is somewhat similar. I thought I would NEVER get over the first affair I found out about. I reconciled with my husband after a very long healing process only to find out that he had been having a 10-year affair with my youngest daughter’s best friend’s mother. (My daughter found out at school) Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that my children (13, 14 & 19) are so adamant that I not take him back I swear I’d be tempted to. Part of it is that I have a hard time not defining myself as a failure because my marriage didn’t succeed. But I realize that I can’t be committed enough or in love enough for both of us. It also changed my outlook when I had to have an AIDS test because the mistress was very promiscuous. It was the scariest moment of my life waiting on the nurse to give me the results after a 2 week waiting period. My children are doing so well now. And now that I have made up my mind to divorce I have so much respect from friends, family & co-workers who had just stood by for years shaking their heads wondering how someone as pretty, intelligent and hard-working as me could stay with someone as needy as him. Oh, there are moments when I want to pick up the phone & scream, cry or beg all the usual: “How could you?” “I hate you…no I love you.” But it gets easier every day and I am a better mother, better employee, better friend than I’ve ever been. You know why? Because my life has balance now and all he ever did was keep me off balance. Good luck to you and God Bless!


#2

Hi…i’m new and wanted to share my story. Hopefully I will get some good advice because i’m very confused right now. I have been married ten years and have three small children. My marriage has always been hard. My husband is excessively needy. He is more emotionally draining than my three children put together. His self esteem is so low and I have to constantly make him feel like he is okay. For most of our marriage I just applied myself wholeheartedly, whatever he needed. I loved him so much and still do. Nine months ago though I lost a baby and was really struggling emotionally. I didn’t have the full container to be pouring out into him like usual. He started getting really insecure and demanding and I couldn’t cope with it so I asked him to leave temporarily so I could get back on my feet, with every intention of him returning. Instead six weeks into the seperation I found out he was having an affair and I freaked out. I was so afraid of losing him I cried and begged him to come back. He did but I still wasn’t recovered emotionally about my baby let alone capable of dealing with him having an affair. So of course I asked him to leave again so I could continue counseling and come to terms with everything. One month to the day I found out about the second affair. He is still with her now. I am not so naive as to ask him to come home right now but I do want him back. I know that must sound crazy but its how I feel. I know for a fact he never cheated on me when we were together. He spent all his time with me except when he was working. Its his need to feel wanted and okay that drove him to her. I am not justifying his actions! I just know him that well. I really want him back because I love him but I don’t know if thats whats healthiest for me. I believe very strongly that I can live apart from him but I can’t remarry, so I have good cause to want this to work. But I am in limbo about where and when to start rebuilding our relationship or if I should just remain alone? Thanks for reading and if you have any thoughts or advice please share.