Living in Limbo


#1

Hi,
I’m new here and sure could use some advice. Currently I’m a stay at home mom, married for 17 yrs and we have 2 girls ages 9 & 11.In Jan I told my husband that I want a divorce due to many, many things but primarily his verbal abuse. So he moved upstairs and sleeps in the toy room/bonus room. We both have lawyers as of May and it has taken 4 months for my lawyer to put together a separation agreement. There is nothing fast regarding my lawyer. Maybe this is normal? Currently I’m waiting to hear back from her on a good time for us to meet as I told her via email I’m open anytime before bus stop. Been waiting about a week for her response.

My husband talked about moving out a few months back and then changed his mind. Then he said he will not move out until the separation papers are done. One of the issues I have with him is that he has hated where he works off and on for over 9 yrs. I’ve told him many times something needs to change. Different job, job in different field, go back to school, etc. SOMETHING needs to change. He will come home and tell me that he thinks he’s going to get walked out or fired. This has happened 3 times now but somehow he doesn’t get fired. I know he works hard but I can’t keep going through the stress of never knowing what will happen next.

This week he told me he might be able to find work in the midwest and applied at 3 diff companies. So he thought he should stay living in the house and then we can all relocate together (I want to stay close to where he lives so our kids can be close to him) when he gets hired and the company relocates us. I said, okay. Today he said he hasn’t heard from any of those companies and his current boss suggests he apply for diff position within the company. So now he thinks he’s going to get fired again. I’ve tried being supportive but this is getting old.

My lawyer has told me to get a job but my therapist said not to get a job. How can I move on when he won’t/can’t move out of the house? Regardless I think I just need to find a job and start saving money. I need stability and right now I can’t even support myself without his income. But his income may change or be reduced if he ever switches careers.

I want him out of the house so I can see what it feels like to be without him. I need to move forward but don’t know how. When things get stressful with his job he takes it out on the kids, especially my 11 yr old. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks in advance and sorry this is so long!