Need Help With Legally questions Concerning Custody/ Moving


#1

I have a couple questions.My husband recently told me he wanted adivirce after 21 years of marriage. He recently moved into the barracks as we live in military housing. We have not filed for seperation or Divorce yet as he says he cannot afford too(but he can seem to purchase things for himself that total $2500+ )Anyway.I would like to move to another state as I have friend that would be a great support system for me and the children in getting ourselves set up in a new place to live.My husband is dragging his but and expects me to wait 1 1/2 years until he deploys and completes that tour and comes back. He resfuses to go to marriage counselling and just wants to live his life on the side(there are other parties involved as well) and expects me to sit here waiting until he decides he has enough money to file. We have agreed that I would have full custody of kids and he only visitation. My questions are can I file some kind of action to get the kids granted to me while I am waiting so I can move to a place that is much more beneificial to me and my children? Don’t I have the right to make a life for me and my children instead of being put in a position where he is control of our lives but doesn’t want to be part of them? My second question is don’t I have the right legally to keep him out of my house and only let him in in with my pemession. He treats the whole situation like he still has thr right to enter when he feels like it and that this is still his home and he can come in when he wants. My children and I are going thru hell because this was just something he dropped in our laps at Christmas time and since he moved out in January he has made no effort to ask about the kids well being besides to come and take them to the playground, etc and pretend he is the great Dad he never was when he was here. Please let me know my rights legally. I would like to get on with my life and not feel like my children and I are prisoners that can only live our lives based on the decisions he makes. I would like to at some point move to where it would be more benefucial to me and my children and not have to stay here because he wnts them near him when he feels like seeing them. There have been several times when he promise them he will do something and be backs out and I am left to deal with the hurt and anger issusses that my children feel and go thru. He also treats the situation like it’s a walk in the park and that we shouldn’t be hurt and says that we should be happy and not woriied or complain about anything because we have a roof over our head and food in the cupborad and that’s enough. He also has posession of our only vehicle so we can only do things when he feels like bringing us and it can work sround his schedule. I cannot afford another car as I am a stay at home mom and 2 of my childrens have special needs so it makes it hard for me to get a job without having someone I can trust to watch them. I also have 2 more children. Moving to a place where my children and I would have the proper resoorces to help us would be much more beneficial to use. How can I make this happen legally?


#2

You need to file for child support. I do not know how the military handles these situations but DSS could benefit you greatly right now. He is still responsible for those children and if you are and have been a stay at home mom, then you will be entitled to alimony also. In NC you are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets and since you are in military housing the vehicle, the retirement are about the only assets you have.
It sounds as though you are allowing your ex to make all the decisions about your lives and it will only stop when you take control. Make decisions for yourself and what you want for your children.

If you have already agreed on custody then consulting an attorney to get those agreements in writing would be the safest decision right now. Have the attorney put in how much child support, alimony and the custody arrangement you have agreed on. Keep records of everything you can. What he’s paid, what he’s done since leaving. Take care of your children first and do whatever necessary so that they have what they need. You have two children with special needs? Then you should have the vehicle at your disposal, not the other way around.

As far as moving goes, you are perfectly entitled to move with your children if the move is in the children’s best interest. The only issue with this is that he may file for custody and have the court force you to bring the children back to NC. That may not be an issue if he’s in the military, due to the possibility of being moved from NC. If you have family or friends elsewhere that you could utilize for your children’s wellfare, then you should do whatever is necessary to gain that support network.

If your ex has not been consistent with visitations, document these dates. Keep record of it. And hang in there…the only thing to do in those situations is to make sure that the children know you love them and are there for them.


#3

Yes, you can file an action now for all of your claims, property distribution, post-separation support, alimony, child custody, child support and attorney’s fees.
You will need to specify in your complaint that you wish to be awarded temporary custody of the children. The court will set the matter for hearing fairly quickly and you will present your case to the judge as to why the move would be in the best interests of the children.
Based on the fact you state my guess is that your husband will quickly agree to allow you to move once you file your lawsuit. If he has already stated that he wants the children to live with you he will likely want to avoid the cost of having the matter heard by a judge.
I am not sure how military bases operated, but state law gives you the right to exclude your husband from the home once he has begun residing elsewhere. You will need to check with an attorney on base, or one who has experience with military families to see if there is a domestic trespass law applicable on base.
I suggest you set up an appointment with an attorney immediately. Based on your situation, you have the right to seek reimbursement of your attorney’s fees from your husband.


#4

Thank you both so much for the advice and answers to my leagl questions. Both your responses were extremely helpful to me in this matter and I feel much more relieved and comforted that I have some rights as to what is is best for me and my children. I have found this forum to be extremely helpful and and I thank God for your law firm and website as it has educated me dearly. I have seen an attorney in my town and had a few questions answered but just don’t have the funds to proceed with a seperation or divorce as of this date so I am doing my best to find out what I can to protect myself and children until I can proceed. Thanks again for your help.


#5

I wish you all the very best moving forward.