Have you tried to go to the judge yourself? I would think that ANY judge would grant you AT LEAST everyother weekend if not more. You dont need an attorney to set a custody hearing. What county are you in? I think that it is terrible that you’re children are unable to know there father and vice versa!! You need to demand more visitation. What have you tried so far?
I have read a few of your posts and I feel that you are getting “unreasonable vistation” you should start by filing a contempt motion in the county that has juridiction. Maybe even a motion to modify the order to include Xamount of phone visitation as well as asking the judge to clearly set the amount of visitation days. Also ask for split holidays, and since they live with her ask for as much school vacation time as possible. I am so rry for your situation.
And we wonder why there are so many troubled children today.
The Family Court System is geared to resolve cases as quickly as possible with little investigation to find the real truth about the families and children that are being destroyed.
Laws should be passed requiring all parties involved in a Divorce must go through Psychic evaluations so the judge has a better chance of finding justice for all involved. The law should be written that anyone who wants a divorce must first submit a requst for divorce to the courts. This request is a signed and witnessed and can be downloaded from the courts web sites. This request should trigger immediate scheduling of the Psychic Evaluations. Only after the Psychic Evals are done can lawyers become involved. The Psychic evals do not have to be that extensive to begin with but, further investigation can be requested by either party or the judge. The eval would providse a lot of answers for the judge that do not come out in court due to time restrictions. The evalusations should be done by qualifed mental health experts for which should be covered by ones medical insurance.
You should be able to call them every day, unless there’s something specific about phone calls in your custody order then you have a right to call. Now, it may be that the ex will not let you talk to them but that would be something to bring up to a judge if you try modifying. Try writing them a letter. I used to get letters from my mother and I loved it! If it’s addressed to the child, legally she can not open it. Or address it to them c/o their school if you think that she will not give them the letter. Put your phone number in it and let them know that they can call you ANYTIME.
This is a terrible situation for you and I am so sorry. Not all women are like this. I do believe that your ex, like so many out there will eventually get what’s coming to them. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. Keep us posted if you work out anything for changing this situation.
Yes, I agree that I need to file for custody or have it modified. Unfortunately, I cannot afford an attorney. I’m paying 60% of my income in child support. The attorney I hired in Carteret County, N.C., took the $2500 I paid him, and decided that he could no longer represent me without another $6500, because the case “got complicated” when he dropped the ball from day one. He supposedly “represented” me, but yet for over a period of 4 years, he failed to arrainge for a custody hearing or file divorce papers.
Letters are opened by their mother, illegal or not, there’s not a thing I can do about it. Both their Grandmother and I have sent presents or checks to the children only to find the kids never got them. We’ve had Christmas presents taken back to Wal Mart for a refund. ( she admitted doing this.) She even took the account number from a check I sent the kids and paid a $300 bill over the phone with my account number.
I did send a letter to the Judge when this first happened. I let him know that his state did not have jurisdiction (because there was a pending hearing that SHE postponed in N.C.), that she nor the children was not a resident of that state, that I was not notified of the hearing (because she gave them a bogus address for me), that I didn’t make $5000/month and work two 40/week jobs AND was full time active duty military (the court cannot provide any proof they verified my current employment and/or income) and that she did not live for 9 months, with 3 children, and have 0 income. I even submitted to him undisputable proof of all this, and requested that the case be dismissed. It was denied. I was later told by an attorney who knew the Judge that he (the Judge) was the head of the State Bar Association in Maryland and there was “…no way in hell” another judge would dismiss the case and the judge would not allow someone with a high school education point out that he had ignored at least 6 state or federal statutes.
As far as filing contempt charges, the courts just look at that as a bitter father trying to create trouble. We all know that getting action on a contempt charge is just a game and nothing will ever come of it.
You see, the real problem here is the damage is done. The ex knows it & the court knows it, the only way you can fight back is with money and attorneys, if you don’t have those things, then the fight is over. The court knows this keeps dad out of the courtroom, and keeps them from tying up their valuable time. There are no state or local programs to assist fathers with legal issues, but welfare, social services, catholic charities, women’s shelters, children’s services, and child support will fall all over themselves providing services to a woman. There are only two ways this can be resolved. 1.) I win the lottery and hire every attorney in Carteret County (except one) and get a new hearing. 2.) Someone finally hears my story and offers to help. The thing is, none of these will probably ever happen, and meanwhile my children grow more distant from me and get closer to becoming adults.
I know that not all women are like this, just like not every divorced dad is not a “deadbeat”. Luckily, I met someone who has stood by me through all this, but it’s not fair to her either, just like it’s not fair to my children.
[:(]That is terrible. You’re still married to this horrible woman??? There hasn’t been a custody hearing??? Are your children old enough to understand any of this??
I would suggest that you open a savings account with your children’s name and any Christmas, or birthday presents(or the money for them)be put into that. You can get a safe deposit box and put cards and anything that you want in there for your children. It’s not the same as them getting a gift from their father, I know, but at least the ex will not benefit from it. And they will have it later. Have you tried to send a letter to their school? I’m not sure what the school would say but you could always call them and explain some of the situation to them. You wouldn’t be any worse off than you are now even if the school calls the ex.
Trust me when I say that your children will come find you one day. They may be angry because mom has told them you didn’t want to see them. They may know by then what type of person mom is and want to be part of your life. Every child that has gone through a divorce goes through that “roots” phase. They want to know what happened and why you split up and if they have lived with one parent they want to know the other. Trust me. It will come back around.
Check out these sites also:
I finally got divorced about two months ago. I filed everything myself, with one of the divorce kits you get at staples. It wasn’t perfect, but I got done and all I lost was some comics I was saving for my son, and my mother’s antique table (she sold them already).
There was a custody hearing. She had the one scheduled in N.C. postponed while she went to a hearing she arrainged in Maryland. She gave the court a bogus address for me so I wouldn’t know that she was doing this behind my back. Since I didn’t receive notification of the hearing, I didn’t appear in court and looked like a deadbeat dad who fell off hte face of the Earth. She even told the Judge I abandoned her and the kids.( I later got a transcript)
My kids know what their mom is doing and has done. They don’t like it and they have discovered on their own that their mother is a habitual liar. I tried calling them again today and now their phone has been permanently disconnected.
The hardest thing is my youngest daughter knows nothing about me other than the lies her mother tells her. The two older kids try to tell her what “dad” is like, and the things I did with them when they were kids. Every summer she always asks me if I’m really her daddy and it kills me inside.
Well here it is about a month later and the phone is still disconnected. I’ve tried calling my daughter’s cell phone but there is never an answer. One of my “sources” told me that my kid’s no longer live where they used to and the school won’t tell me if they’re still enrolled there or not. N.C. Children’s services isn’t interested in helping, and I don’t have anywhere else to turn to. I just hope my kids are alright.
Unless your custody and separation agreement states otherwise the school’s have no right to not tell you about your children. It is your parental right.
Please Hawkman…go file an emergency custody hearing!! You do not need an attorney.
The problem with getting an emergency custody order is that you have to have the children with you ( “…in your possesion” I was told), and there has to be some threat to the children’s well-being. N.C. Childrens Services does not include mental abuse or neglect in that category. I was told that they have to be physically harmed, and it needs to be obvious, or they have to go without being fed. On top of that, if they do interview the kids, they do it right in front of their mom. How many kids are going to “narc” on mom while she’s sitting right there giving them the evil eye?
Being a piss-poor parent, a liar, acheat, a manipulator, and spending THE CHILDREN’S SUPPORT money friviously, isn’t grounds for an emergency hearing. That’s why we hear about kids being abducted and killed on the news every day. Our courts and social workers are only interested in the issues on the surface, not the issues that will affect these kids for the rest of their lives.
I’ve tried to keep myself composed for so long but I feel its time to vent. I know that I speak for a lot of father’s out there when I say these things:
I’VE HAD IT WITH…
Not being able to call my kids on their birthday’s, or to just tell them I love them.
Not knowing what my kids learned in school today.
Not being able to play with my kids or make them laugh.
Not being able to take away the pain when they’re hurt or sad.
Not being able to watch them grow everyday.
Not being able to read to them or tell them stories.
Not being able to make sure the tooth fairy leaves money under their pillow.
Not being able to answer questions or explain the wonders of the world to them.
Not being able to help them develop their natural talents and help them use their potential to the fullest.
Not having spent Christmas with my children in over 5 years.
Waking up every day and realizing that I’ve missed one more day of them being kids.
Two weeks out of the year being considered “Reasonable Visitation” for the past five years.
Their Grandparents having to wait a year to see the kids, only to have you refuse them visitation.
You promising, repeatedly, they can live with which parent they want, only to break that promise when you get their hopes up.
With you using THEIR child support so you can live beyond your means, while they wear clothes over a year old and two sizes too small.
With being told “get a lawyer” when 60% of my income goes to child support. I can barely pay the bills I’ve got.
You leaving them home alone, sometimes until after 4 a.m. You don’t realize how precious the time you have with them is, do you?
You using OUR children as a tool to punish me in your own twisted way. If you put as much effort into improving yourself, you’d be surprised at what you’d accomplish on your own.
You punishing OUR children because of your own selfishness. What you’ve taken from them, and me, can never be given back. I’ll never forgive you for that…they might not either.