Letting ex talk to kids during custody fight


#1

I don’t think you can. Both parents have the right to private conversations with their children. I would suggest that you talk with her before though and let her know that you are not going to speak badly about her to the children and you expect the same. Let her know that they are children and even though custody is about them, it’s not necessary to let them in on all the nasty details. Expect her to talk about you. Tell the children that you feel their mother may talk bad about you and you want them to know that you love them and will take care of them, no matter what she says about you, that is all that matters. Don’t leave them out of it completely. Tell them that you will try to explain what you can but that you will not tell them everything. Remember, you are the parent, you know what’s best for your children.

I know that this doesn’t sound like much, believe me, I know. My husband ask his ex for the same courtesy when speaking with the kids and for about a week that worked. When things started to get dirty and lawyers got involved that agreement went out the window. She felt that she could get the children on “her side” by telling them everything they didn’t need to know. She talked constantly about both of us to his kids and sometimes it was all I could do not to lose my composure and scream at her that they are just kids, they don’t understand and they don’t need to know about all of that. She has told them things about me that were very ugly and were simply not true just so they would ask us about them and she could find out our response. Most of the time my husband simply tells the children that he will talk to them about it when they are older and more able to understand. He explains some things to them but for the most part, trust me, they really don’t even want to know. Now, the children are a little older and custody was settled and none of that stuff makes any difference.

BTW - You can record your own conversations with her without her knowledge, but recording another’s conversations without their knowledge or consent is illegal. Also, document everything, and keep a paper trail of any moneys, clothing or supplies bought. We learned this from the very beginning


#2

I thought this was good: Childrens’ Bill of Rights
Every kid has rights, particularly when mom and dad are splitting up. Below are some things parents shouldn’t forget - and kids shouldn’t let them - when the family is in the midst of a break-up.
You have the right to love both your parents. You also have the right to be loved by both of them. That means you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to see your dad or your mom at any time. It’s important for you to have both parents in your life, particularly during difficult times such as a break-up of your parents.
You do not have to choose one parent over the other. If you have an opinion about which parent you want to live with, let it be known. But nobody can force you to make that choice. If your parents can’t work it out, a judge may make the decision for them.
You’re entitled to all the feelings you’re having. Don’t be embarrassed by what you’re feeling. It is scary when your parents break up, and you’re allowed to be scared. Or angry. Or sad. Or whatever.
You have the right to be in a safe environment. This means that nobody is allowed to put you in danger, either physically or emotionally. If one of your parents is hurting you, tell someone – either your other parent or a trusted adult like a teacher.
You don’t belong in the middle of your parents’ break-up. Sometimes your parents may get so caught up in their own problems that they forget that you’re just a kid, and that you can’t handle their adult worries. If they start putting you in the middle of their dispute, remind them that it’s their fight, not yours.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are still part of your life. Even if you’re living with one parent, you can still see relatives on your other parent’s side. You’ll always be a part of their lives, even if your parents aren’t together anymore.
You have the right to be a child. Kids shouldn’t worry about adult problems. Concentrate on your school work, your friends, activities, etc. Your mom and dad just need your love. They can handle the rest.


#3

I like that alot! Where did you find that? I’d like to post that in the children’s room so they could tell their mother.


#4

hey…actually it is legal to tape a two party conversation as long as one party knows about it (i.e. you) there is only one state that this is not legal in, but not north carolina.


#5

We are just starting custody and my ex wants to talk with the kids over the phone. I don’t have a problem with that but I would like for the phone to be on speaker so I can monitor. She’s very spiteful and I feel she will say bad things about me.

Is it ok to make them talk with the speaker on?