Need Advice

If what you have offered your wife is fair, you feel it is fair and your wife has accepted it against her atty advice then continue to settle out of court. Things are terrible in your household and enough stress already. If you can walk away amicably for the sake of your sons and your sanity do so. You can hire an atty as precaution but it may make her paranoid all over again not to mention make you sick about how much you pay them which cd have gone to your sons college. I assume no chance for reconciliation with your wife and pay a marraige counselor instead of an atty? Its cheaper.

No chance of reconcil and although this all hurts a lot, I am glad to be getting away from her.

I should be receiving what she wants in the mail this week. If it is unreasonable, then I will have to get a lawyer since I do no know what would need to be done next.

Thanks for the advise.


Dear phils:

I am sorry but this post is too long for me to read. Please repost your questions briefly without all the facts you have written here. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

I am 51 years old male. Married 14 years w/2 sons ages 11 and 14.

I will try and keep this short but most likely will not be able to.

The I.T. Deaprtment I was working in was spun off to a large I.T. Services Company that when stock price falls, layoffs are to happen.

Discussed with wife potential for disaster and we decided to sell our large home and downsize to a smaller house and make a large (50K) downpaymnet so monthly mortgage would be low.

I submitted application to lender with both our names on app but, when we got to closing, her name was only on the deeed and not the lender note. My wife did not like this and I did not like it either but the closing attorney convinced us that it made no difference since we were both on the deed.

Well, my wifes biggest fear is being homeless with 2 children and she began thinking that I was preparing to divorce her. She started watching everything I do with our money. (I work and she is a stay at home mom). She started accussing me of having some big plan and that the guy from the lenders office was in on it. She came at me one day and aid I was liquidating so she could not afford lawyer. I did not even know she was thinking of hiring a lawyer. I just dismissed it as paranoia. Well, her paranoia really stressed me out. No matter what I said, she would not believe me when I said I was not doing anything more than positioning us for the future golden years and trying to free up more money for our sons future college needs. I did not want to divorce her. At our age, this is disatrous to her and i both. She has a history of Parkinsons in her family and I have cancer and Heart disease in my line and I had hoped we could grow old together and be there for one another if such a tragedy hit one of us. I have always been a devoted husband and father but, we were not very intimate because she has always been paraniod and not trusting of me as her husband and built up a barrior between us. If I were to try and be intimate with her, she would think I was up to something and that I was not sincere. Eventually, I gave up.

The stress levels between us grew to the point that for the first time in 14 years of our marriage, I got physical with her and grabbd her behind the neck and pushed her away from me. She fell on the floor and yelled for our 14 year old son to call 911. Police said for us to consider couseling. I realized that night that we needed help and told her I wanted to go to counseling. She agreed and said that since she did not work, she would make us an appointment. She instead made an appointment with an attorney. I was not aware of this until I noticed a box that had a US Mint Collectors set in it on a hall table. It contained sheets of $20,$10,$5 and $1 bills but all where missing except the $1 bills. When i questioned her on the where abouts of the other money she told me (while smiling and doing a little dance) not to worry about it that they were safe and that she would get them Tuesday since Monday was a holiday. I lost it again a grabbed her behind the neck and yelled at her. She yelled for my son and told him to call 911 again. Well, I was sent packing and served a DV Order Of Protection and told I could not make contact with my wife, our sons or any of our friends for the next 10 days and then I would have to appear in court. If you ask any of our friends if I needed anger management counseling, they would roll on the floor laughing. I cannot believe wha I have turned into because of our marriage and now ant out as much as she does. I realize that our marriage is not good for either of us or our children. I must convince my sons tha this is NOT what a marriage is suppose to be like and that wha I did was wrong so they do not grow up thinking this is all normal. There was no such violence in my childhood and I don’t want my sons to go into this world thinking what I did is exceptable.

I got a lwayer who charged me 1K just to go to the courthouse with me and plea no contest and work it out so I could see my sons again. My wife and I both love our children more than life itself. I was also served a Civil Summons by her and her lawyer. My attorney said he would help me respond to it for another 2-3k but, I am strapped for cash and have tryed to work it out myelf between my wife and her lawyer but I am not feeling to confident in making this move but do not have much choice.

My wife is a good mother but does many strange things like sleeping with a crystal under her pillow so she can remeMber her dreams and has a book that exPlains what her dreams mean. She called Phycic hot line 3 days before the day I pushed her and she fell on the floor.

Right now, my only concern are my sons and being able to live a confortable life without being under stress due to financial strain. I feel my wifes paranoia and insecurties from being so dependent on me for all these years is what slowly drove this marriage into it’s current disasterous state but, I am being blamed for it all. I have been able to talk her into us both using here lawyer to make a settlement so that we do not damage ourselves financially any more than we have to and to minimize the trama to our sons.

Since her biggest fear is being homeless with 2 kids, I told her to tell her lawyer to find some way where she can stay in our new home so we would not have to sell it to meet equitable distribution requirements (50k equity in home). I offered her half of my monthly income for CS and Alimony and she said it was a fair offer. Her lawyer said she could get more but, my wife said his number was too much and would put me under a financial strain that could have an impact on my job.

I am now waiting for a letter rom her lawyer with what they are going to ask for. All I want is joint custody with my son. And enough income left over to live without financial strain.


  1. Am I making a mistake not getting my own lawyer?

  2. If I am, do lawyers have to be paid up front or can they be paid over time? (Someone told me that the courts say they are concerned most with the children until it comes to legal fees being paid which seem to have more importance than the children)