Need help and advise


#1

algil,
I’ve been where you are… my wife continuously asked me for a divorce but I couldn’t get past the pain of thinking about what would happen to the kids. I kept ignoring it and hoping she would change her mind - she didn’t. I think you need to allow yourself some time to process and think about how your life will be after the divorce. The main thing to think about is your kids and their emotional well being. Fighting with their mother will be very hard on them. You may never know why your wife wants the divorce or why she apparently doesn’t love you anymore. It’s OK to continue to love her - just don’t expect anything in return. If you have zero expectation then you’ll never be disappointed, then angered, then feel the need to find out why. The “why” will come out someday. You need to remember that you will be OK without her and your present lifestyle. You’ll have your kids which seems like the best part of your marriage and you’ll have your self respect. No relationship can work unless both of you want it to. You can’t give enough of yourself to make it happen. Mourn your loss, but please try to keep it as peacefull as possible for your kids. Good luck and best regards


#2

Hello,
To keep a long story short, my wife and I are both from Europe, got married there, we stayed there several years, got kids and then moved to the USA in North Carolina. After having been married for many years my wife now wants a divorce. Quite honestly I never understood the exact reason of her motivation but this was following a long period of depression. I really doubt that she is having an affair with anybody. At the beginning I tried to ignore her request thinking that it was only related to her depression. However, after she saw a therapist for her depression and after more than a year of her keeping asking for divorce, I now realize that she is really serious about it. She avoids any conversation with me now and can be very mean. I do not recognize my wife. I am asking myself what I did wrong to disserve this. I am totally devastated about the idea to divorce. I love my kids and could not live without them.
My wife is totally unaware of the reality of living separately. She does not have a ‘solid’ job. She works sometime doing freelance writing via the internet when some agencies request her services. All living income, retirement saving and health insurance for the whole family is provided by me through my job. It is totally unrealistic to me that she could make a living only with the money I will give to her on a periodic basis and the ‘random’ income she could make through her current freelance writer activity. I told her that if she was serious about divorce she should look first for a ‘real’ all day job, which would ensure health coverage and a decent income for her when we are separated. Believe it or not my wife is not convinced about all of this.
My wife said she would like to go for a ‘separation agreement’ rather than fighting via attorneys. Before talking about separation and painful subjects like for example what is going to happen with the kids, I told her that she had to first get a job.
I know nothing about divorce laws in North Carolina and would like to know if she could force me to divorce if we could not agree on some very basic conditions.
Many thanks in advance for any information or advise you will be able to give to me.
A desperate husband