Your son’s decision will NOT weigh heavily. He is a child, I don’t care if he shaves. Judges do not automatically grant custody to the parent the child wants to be with because it is obvious that most of the time, there is psychological warfare going on, and children can’t sift through what is BS and what is truth. Your ex-wife is in contempt. I don’t know who told you that your hands are tied but they are not. Pay $200 and just get a consultation with an attorney. In the meantime, document carefully her every move; my guess is that she is hanging herself and using your son to keep from paying child support, which is pretty damned sleazy. A judge may agree.
A Judge sometimes take into consideration a mature and competient childs wants but you child is a drug user so he is not mature nor competient( not trying to down your child) but stay strong keep doing the fatherly thing and it will pay off, the Judge will see it. Stay strict on your child he will not like it but you will be saving his life. understand this the only reason he wants to stay with mom is because mom probably can’t controll him and he figures mom is not clever enough to catch him doing things and moms usually thinks their sons can’t do no wrong.
Thanks for the replies. I agree that my son is basically choosing the path of least resistence. One thing that really bothers me is that it is going to end up costing me more $$ just to have a perfectly legal agreement upheld and it will take over 1 month for a contempt to be heard here in Charlotte. So in the mean time, I do not see my son for the holidays.
I understand your trepidation about bringing this before a judge immediately but remember that just because your ex-wife has a vagina and you don’t, doesn’t mean that everything she wants will be everything she gets. Bull. You write well so I assume you speak well: Get your facts together and stay confident. And, you don’t necessarily HAVE to hire an attorney to do this–facts are facts, and a breach of contract is pretty easy to interpret.
OK. I have finally been able to talk with the school’s drug counselor and she referred me to another outpatient counserlor for my son. I told her all that was going on and she actually thinks that my son’s situation is worse than what we think and that he actually might need inpatient care (rehab). I went ahead and set up a session with her for my son for next week and sent a letter to my ex telling her that I intend for her to have him there.
What are my options here? How can I make sure that my ex takes my son to this session? My agreement states that I have final say so on major decisions and if an immediate decision is needed as dictated by the situation that I am able to make that call as well. Well, I feel the situation dictates immediate action.
I have also tried to get an initial consultation w/the Rosen lawyer here in Charlotte to discuss the ex situation, but have been unable to do so as of yet.
You can call the sherriff and compel the action, period.
Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. You may be able to obtain an emergency order if inpatient rehab is necessary. I encourage you to meet with an attorney immediately.
Lee S. Rosen
Board Certified Family Law Specialist
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
This is a very complicated situation and I need some quick advice to make sure I don’t do anything that will hurt me if this goes before a judge. A quick background. 4 1/2 yrs ago, I spent over $25,000 to get shared custody of my son (who is now 16). I was the primary parent within the shared agreement. Last week, I found evidence that my son has been using drugs and doing other wrong things. Now doing as my agreement states, I informed my ex-wife and we started working together to try to get my son help (this was his 2nd time being caught). We were working well together (which is a complete surprise) until she found out that my son was actually thinking about changing the agreement to spend more time at my house. When my son told me this about 2 months ago, I advised him to really think hard about it because it would effect the relationship between he and his mother for a long time (and other similar advice). I knew he was angry with her for separate reason and did not want him making major decisions out of anger. So, now my ex knows of this and basically cuts off all communication with me. And by the way, my son is with her for her weekend visit. So now I get a call from him on last Monday informing me that he wants to stay with his mother. After a brief discussion, I talk with my ex. i tell her that she is to bring him home immediately and if we want to fight for custody later we can do so but right now we need to deal with the drug issue and get our son help. She tells me that he is 16 and had made his decision and hangs up. So I don’t see him over the holiday break and she keeps him out of school for 2 days as well. She then proceeds to withdraw all of his money out of a savings account that I had for him that was in his and my name, but my son had the ability to w/d money. I left several messages for him and even wrote him a ‘fatherly’ letter explaining how I loved him but there were consequences for every action. I then rec’d a ‘motion to modify’ existing agreement from my ex.
So what I need is advice as to what my options are. My ex has NEVER adhered to any of the previous agreements that we have had nor the ones she has had with the other father of her other child. And this might sound terrible… but we can’t spend a lot more money trying to defend this as well. We have spent $25000 to basically have a piece of paper that means nothing. but at the same time, my ex should not be able to diregard the law. My home is a good home. We are just strict about things (drugs, alcohol,etc.) and actually have morals.
I’ve been told that if we file a contempt motion, that my ex would then have instant access to the judge and could ask for the change in custody right then and there. I realize that since my son is 16 that that will weigh heavily, but i’m sure its not what is in his best interest. Please, any help is greatly appreciated.