Separation Agreement


#1

I am sorry you are going through this. I don’t really have good news for you. I did exactly the same to my Ex. I caught her having an affair. She moved out “to see if she could miss me”. Wrote up a separation agreement with all the things we had agreed upon, and then… she went to see an attorney. It all went down hill from there.

I took my Ex’s car and I drive it to this day. That was over 1 year ago.

If she is titled to the truck then she had every right to drive it. Sorry. If she sells it she will be held responsible for giving you half the money from the sale. But, this won’t be until the time your property is distributed either through agreement or through trial. I know this doesn


#2

I agree with the previous poster. Take a step back and look. Since you have the “agreement” in e-mails make sure that the truck and this request that she is making is included in the agreement in exchange for whatever else you think it’s worth. If she wants that amount then it needs to be in the agreement and that after you look over the agreement you will decide. It sounds to me as though she’s trying to get everything she can before the agreement is drawn up and signed. In fact, there’s no way an attorney is going to have the agreement written up and ready for you to look at by Wednesday…it sounds to me as though she’s wanting you to pay for her attorney.

Keep it business. Maybe in the mean time, a rental vehicle would be something to think about, with the cost being divided since she has all the vehicles. I believe that though the vehicle was titled to her it would still be marital property that would need to be divided if it was purchase after the marriage. Is the vehicle paid for? This would also make a difference about the amount I would be willing to pay. Talk to your attorney to see if the cost of a rental vehicle could be divide between you. Treat all of the communication and dealings as though you were dividing a business. I know this is harsh but you must not let your emotions get the better of you. She’s hoping for this very thing. If you get upset enough maybe you will sign whatever just to have it over with. Make sure that she realizes that this vehicle was not in the original agreement and that she knows it must be added.

Please make sure that all your communication is in writing. Since she has decided to make this ugly, once she moves from the home you can request that she no longer come to the home without your permission. The home is now your property. Change the locks, lock up anything that you do not want to lose. Advise the neighbors that she is not to be at the home. Let her know that you have done this and that you would have the right to have her arrested on tresspassing if she does return to the home without your permission or invitation.


#3

Yes, you do have recourse however it is not immediate. The emails you exchanged are not legally binding, but you are protected by the laws of equitable distribution. You should not sign anything with your Wife or give her any cash, no matter what she threatens to do. It sounds like the two of you may not be able to work things out without court and you will need to file a lawsuit. Once you file a lawsuit you can seek a restraining order preventing her from selling any property and a motion for interim distribution to ask that the truck be turned over to you. I am sorry for your predicament, you are doing the right thing by consulting with an attorney.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details

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Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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#4

Listen to Helena for sure. Your STBX has proven that she can NOT be trusted. No matter how much you still love her, you MUST not allow her to get her way in anymore requests between the 2 of you. You work with the lawyer only. I wonder if she even HAS a lawyer.

Stepmother (and Don) is correct. Change the locks and tell neighbors that she is not allowed on the premises. Do not give her any ‘demanded’ money. Do not try to negotiate with her (you did that and it slapped you in the face). She lost her negotiation privilages when she deceived you.

Keep all your info and write down questions for your consultation. Ask any and all questions you can. You must protect yourself…especially since she is obviously protecting HERSELF.

Finally, get the best lawyer you can afford. It is worth it.


#5

I got the truck back…She’s been wigging out like this…we are going to transfer the title in the morning. I am now believing her sister in that some of this is hormanal. Anyway I retained a GOOD attorney. If she had not given the truck back I would have gotten it but after a lot of extra expense and time.

More later


#6

Hormones can affect behavior, but ultimately responsibility lies with her actions. Don’t buy it. Look after yourself and your best interests. Look to the actions.

We too have had to deal with the hormones excuse with the STBX.

Hormones can trigger strong emotional reactions with people, but it is how they ACT that is important. Most of us think about the consequences of our actions prior to acting. She either chose not to or can’t. If it is the latter, then this behaviour/abuse will repeat. If it is the former, she can be taught to stop to think no matter what her emotions/hormones are saying. Set boundaries as to what is acceptable conduct and what isn’t. Don’t let hormones be an excuse.


#7

According to her sister, every female in the family has reacted this way and acted this way around the age of 45-46. Her sister even told me that she did and accted the same way as my wife until she finally saw a doctor and started HRT. It was like night and day. My wife is a 100% female and in denial about this. I really believe that. She will not talk to anyone about and has basically cut her sister out completely. I wnat to help her regardless of us getting back together or not. I love her that much. But she has turned her back on all her friends and shuts anyone out that brings up anything she does not want to hear.


#8

I hear what you are saying about the hormone thing. I just don’t quite buy it. Sounds like a mirror image of my Ex. She is now estranged from our boys. She is mostly estranged from her family. Hormones or not you have to take the steps to protect yourself and the children. It is not being selfish. Get a separation agreement. If you can work it out it then fine. Even if you take her back the separation agreement will survive.

Now that you have the truck back. Make sure she can’t take it again. Lock it up. Retitle. Etc. My car (what use to be hers) had the main fuse pulled out of it for 2 months.


#9

(oops)


#10

Hormones/emotional imbalance may give someone the propensity to act mildly irrational, however, the action is still their responsibility. Most of us have learned to think about potential consequences before acting and adjust our behavior accordingly. It is something we have learned over time by having to deal with the consequences of our own poor judgement. Others in our lives have given us boundaries by letting us know as we were growing that the way we treated them in a particular incident was unacceptable.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is be understanding, be forgiving, but set limits on how she will treat you…for both of your sakes.

The hormones excuse was used by my BF’s STBX to justify 8am screaming phone calls rife with accusations and threats. Sometimes it was also used as a preface as in “I’m PMSing” followed by 20 minutes of verbal abuse. The frequency and duration of these, sometimes along with action on one issue or another, increased until he finally stopped answering the phone or told her during a tirade that he refused to be spoken to like that and hung up on her. Funny how she was able to turn off the PMS when it was no longer useful. That’s not to say that she wasn’t feeling the strong emotion, but that she learned to exercise more control when there was no reward for it.


#11

I agree with athos. My husband’s ex had similar behaviors until he quit allowing it to happen. He started hanging up when she called. When she showed up in a tirade, he called the police. When I didn’t respond to her threats or cursing, it stopped. Well, not completely…I don’t think it will ever be completely over, but these outbursts are few and far between now.

Being a female I can understand that at times I am more emotional than others, but it does not give me the excuse to insane or do something illegal. I went through a similar time in my life where everything seemed to be more extreme. Luckily, mine was an easy fix with the birth control I was on at the time. My doctor told me that a lot of women can’t take the three levels of hormones that are sometimes in these pills. I felt psychotic. I would cry for no reason and the next moment be so mad that I could have killed someone. There was absolutely no reason and sometimes not even outside influence. I am not a violent person and I’m pretty certain I’m allergic to pain so I knew fairly quickly that this was not who I really was…when I found myself having anxiety attacks and apologizing for things I said or did to people I cared about, I sought help.

Since you still obviously care about her, if she wants to discuss your situation rationally then it’s fine to sit down with her somewhere. If she wants to lean on you for help, it’s alright to let her. But you have to set the boundaries or it will consume your life. Get your separation agreement and protect yourself. Do not let the next incident slide or it will not be the last.


#12

Very good advice.


#13

Well my wife really pulled one on me. We had agreed to separation terms through e-mail and she supposedly took the agreement to her attorney for preparation. We were to sign it this week. Well I agreed to let her come take the things that we agreed upoon from the house. We packed up and prepared everything Thursday and Friday and she moved out yesterday.

I awake this morning to find that in the middle of the night she came and took my truck. It is registered and titled in her name but according to the agreement she was to signb the title over to me. I have all the e-mails of this agreement. Do I have any recourse? By doing this she has not only sunken to a very low level but is screwing with my lively hood and ability to work. She already had tken her vehicles. Now she has them all.

She is threatening to sell the truck unless I pay her $10,000.00 by Wednesday. I have an appointment with an attorney hopefully tomorrow.