Should I just Give up?


#1

Ok I love my wife very very much. We have been together for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son together. I will say this, I have never ever abused my wife or abused my son physically. There were times that I would come home from work and things would not be done around the house and i would get mad. But I never Hit her or my son. I love both my son and my wife very very much. The past year we have been living in a apartment in Fayetteville, NC. I was the only one working for the whole year. I became very selfish with my money and with my time when I would get home from work. Meaning I would never spend money on her or my son. It was getting to the point that the bills were getting behind and I could not afford to keep the lights on. Well on August 25th My wife left me and took our 2 year old son. She moved 2 hours away to live with her parents. SHe would email me telling me she was so sorry all this had to happen the way it did. 2 weeks after she left I went to see her and my son. We spent the weekend together and had a wonderful time and I asked her if she would be willing to give me a second chance and she said she would. We made love like we always did(we have always had a great sex life). When I was there with her and my son she would tell me that she loves me and still wants to try to work everything out and she stil wanted to be with me. I was very very hurt by her leaving and the week after seeing her and my son we were on the phone and I asked her if she still wanted to work this out and she said no. She kept telling me all the things that I did wrong and laying every single blame on me. I got mad and told her fine i told her all the things she did wrong and told her to just take off her ring and go find someone that makes her happy. The following weekend I went to see my son again. We did the same things as before, we had a great time together and still made love to each other. SHe told me that she forgives me and still wants to be with me and that she wants to work US out. Well I get back home and throughout that whole week she did not bother to call me or email me at all. Now keep in mind that the whole time that we have been apart I have been calling her parents house everynight to talk to my son. So one night I asked her why she didnt call anymore or email and she said she didnt want to and that I hurt her with what I said to her(I understand, but she is hurting me more right now). We agreed to meet the weekend. I went there we had a great time together and still made love like always. The following monday I get back to work my boss gets a letter in the mail stating where they are trying to get child support from me. I called her Irate( I have been sending her 100 dollars per week since she left for CS). She told me that she did it because I made her mad.

Ok I will try to explain why I was so mad.
1st- she left me
2nd-she moved in with her parents who hate me and do not want her to have anything to do with me. Her parents have told her numerous times since all this has happened that if she has anything to do with me that they are going to take my son away from her. So she is now doing anything they say to please them but at the same time she is forgetting about me. Her parents want US divorced so she wants to get a divorce to please her parents. When I am with her she tells me she does not want a divorce but as soon as I come back home she wants a divorce.
3rd-Her parents are telling my wife that I cannot take my son back to where I live and that if I take him to where I live they are going to take him away from her.

For the past 2 weeks or so I have been being nice to her on the phone. I have been going to church on sundays and it is helping me come to terms with myself. I love my wife very very much and deep down I think that she still loves me and wants to be with me, But on the other hand I cannot deal with the pain that my son is going through for very much longer. I am very close to telling my wife that I no longer am interested in dealing with this relationship anymore and that I will be there for my son.

Please read all this and tell me what I need to do to either try to fix the relationship or end the relationship. I still love her. She is my first true love and I am very lost and hurt. I have to fix alot of things in my life and since she has left me it has hit me hard that I need to change. I am willing to do anything for my Wife and my son.

There are more details that I left out but im trying to make this story as short as possible.


#2

I don’t know if anyone can honestly answer this question for you because no one but you, your spouse and child have to live with the results of your decisions or actions. I can tell you this; It takes BOTH people working to make the relationship work. Your in-laws can NOT take your child away from you or the other parent unless they can prove you are neglectful or dangerous. The courts would just not take the child away from a parent without legal cause. They would have to file for custody and since there is no proof of being a danger, there is little they could do with that claim.
You need to make a decision about whether or not you want to stay in the marriage or whether or not you are through, just as your spouse must make that decision for herself. If she is in an environment that is negative towards you and there is a threat to lose her child then she will instinctively do what she must to survive…and to keep and protect her child. It could simply be a case of regret. She does not want to go back to the marriage but when you are together there is enough regret there to cause her to act the way you have described. Or she could simply not know her own mind enough to make a firm decision.
It’s a difficult situation and IF you want to work this out, you must do whatever necessary. Move closer to your spouse and child. Stay with a friend so that they can move back to the marital home while you both go to counseling.

I can tell you from personal experience that an emotionally abusive relationship is difficult to spot unless you know what to look for. And that it is easier to fall back into the pattern than to get out of the relationship. My ex was emotionally abusive but no matter what type of degradation I endured, I could not see myself without him. It took a long time to get to the point where I didn’t fall back into bed with him every time I saw him. He thought we had a great sex life and I was never selfish enough to let him think otherwise. My life was easier when he was happy and I did whatever necessary to make sure he was. Every time we separated he would realize what he lost. He was charming and sounded so sincere about changing his life so that we could be together…and then months later I would realize that things were right back to where they had been. I just knew that if I did or said the right thing he would never again cheat on me or leave me sitting at home while he went out on the singles scene. He would be the person I always knew he could be if I was just enough. Turns out, I wasn’t enough and no matter how many times I went back or how many promises he made and broke, there was not enough desire to make it work. Turns out, sometimes love just isn’t enough.
I began changing my life so that I wouldn’t be unhappy while I was with him, and ended up changing enough so that I was happy without him.

Regardless of how this turns out for you and your spouse, you need to provide and be there for your child. You are the only father that child has or will ever have. There may be substitutes but there will never be another. Do not make the mistake of taking your hurt and humilitation out on the child by putting the child in the middle of your battle with your spouse or her parents. You need to set up a schedule for visitations for you and the child alone and leave her to her decision. Please seek counseling so that you can deal with this whichever way it ends up. I’ve learned that no matter what we try to do…things always turn out how they are supposed to. It may not be how we want or think they should be, but it’s always the way it’s suppsed to be. What I went through was the best worst thing to ever happen to me and I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.
I do hope some of this helps and keep in mind that no one’s opinion of you matters more than your own. If you do not feel you have been the best husband, father, and person for this relationship, that is something you need to work on. If you feel you have done everything in your power to do right by your spouse and child, then you must leave her to make up her own mind. This is all my own opinion, and some of the others may have some suggestions also. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.


#3

I no longer know what to beleive anymore. Last friday I called her. We got into an argument. She basically told me that I had no rights to the car that I bought her during our marriage, she told me that she was no longer interested in our relationship and that I basically had no relationship with my son.

Well low and behold Monday at work I get a text from her asking what I am doing. She told me she missed me and that she Will always love me.
Monday night I stayed awake to see if she would text back, The reason for the texting is she is having to hide behind her parents to talk to me. She texted me telling me that she still cared for me, said that she was asleep with our son and wished that I was there to hold them. I asked her about us and she said she was confused. I texted her back saying that I could not give up on her that I love her too much. That was it no more texts.

When I called her parents house tonight to talk to my son she started being really pissy at me. Once again saying that I had no rights to the car, That she doesnt think that I care about my son blah blah blah. I asked to see my son this weekend and she said I dont know. Saying something about her dad was taking him to jacksonville, I was mad, I have not seen my son in a month and she would rather let my son go with her parents then to see his father.

So I am dealing with 3 possible scenarios here I beleive. maybe 4
1-she got caught texting me and decided to be mean to me today to “Show” her parents something.
2-She is Bipolar.
3-She is playing a game with me stringing me along for what reason I do not know.
4-She is Psycho.

I love the girl to death I honestly do but I cant keep doing this with her. I am to the point that I am no longer going to call to talk to my son. I want to talk to my son but dont want to deal with the hassle of her. I am also to the point of not sending her anymore money. She wont make an effort to let me see my son then why send her anymore money. She has already filed for CS so she will get her money once CS is approved. I am to the point of breaking away from her for a while. Its been 2 months since she has left. When she is with me alone she says she still loves me and wants to work it out. When she is near her parents then i get flamed for all the bad things i did in our marriage.

I am sick of the little games. If she does not want anything to do with me like she says on the phone then why text me saying you miss me and making me feel good?

Even my pastor that married US told me today that she is psycho and to move on with my life and let her feel some heat for a bit and see what happens. How long should I go of not talking to her??


#4

I think your wife is not matured enough to face all the challenges in life.
But if I were you I will got them Back home and try my very best to sustain their needs,.
Simple problems like yours have easy solution, I think your Wife is very emotional thats why she always change her mind everytime she would remember that you done wrong.
Use your paternal ability, Dont give up on what problems will ruin your way of life.
Your son will be the one who most affected if you would give up.
Take note that if you really love and value your family you will never give them up…
Regards.


#5

My now ex husband played games with my heart and my emotions for the longest time I finally had to put my foot down and say enough of this. I finally after a year of the seperation and during this time he kept on saying can i come home and i am coming home things like this I filed for the divorce. He hurt me physically mentally and emotionally so I left…