Some Further Questions (Alimony, Child Support)

The only thing that I can give any comments on, is the child support. Two options there, either go to the child support calculator located on Rosen’s home page or go to this link … kSheet.jsp
The link is for North Carolina, but if your not in NC you could probably research for your state’s page. These are the worksheets that have been used in my case.

If you go to the link, you will need to figure out which form to use. To use form B, joint custody which you mentioned her wanting, you have to have your children for more than 123 nights out of the year. If you have your children for less than 123 nights out of the year, you basically have visitation while she has sole custody, form A.

With Form A, she gets more money; form B she gets less.

Unfortunately, another large factor in child support is the amount of income each of you is making. The fact that she has no employement and has been attending college is not exactly good for you. With her not really brining in any income you will be expected to pay a considerable amount.

My child can get free medical as well, but I was still informed that I had to pay for his medical if my job ever decided to offer health insurance. I thought that was messed up.

I have recently been under review for my cs. The best advice that I can give you is to do your homework and do not take the initial word of the social worker. Granted, many of them are great people but some of them slack off on the job. The social worker I have been dealing with had not listened to a word I had told her when I went to meet with her. She originally filled out the wrong worksheet and then she left out a considerably large amount of my x income. Make sure you know information about your situation so that you do not just end up agreeing to an amount that may not be correct.

Hope this helps!

If your case is strong enough to show the courts that she violated several of the faults for not being eligible for alimony then by all means do not agree to it. Speak with an attorney about this first.
Second, if your attorney does not think this evidence is strong enough to get you out of alimony, then have an agreement drawn up about the car. It will probably cost you less to take the car not paid for, but make sure that it’s in an agreement that should you take the car still owed on, she will not seek alimony.
The best case scenario is joint legal and physical custody with equal time but due to the circumstances that were in effect when you arrived back in the states and that she has no home or employment, I would say that joint legal custody and you have primary. If you are deployed again, the children will be staying with her regardless of whether it is in the custody papers. Run the calculator and see what a good figure would be. It’s not lousy to want to KNOW that your money for child support is being spent on the children. Put into the agreement that you will agree to X amount and to cover whatever specifics you want. A cover all statement in the papers could read, “Mother agrees to pay for any expenses not stated”, which would be those little extras that come up.
My husband and his ex had every detail in their final agreement, from child care to who bought clothes. They have joint legal and physical with equal time, split 1/2 of medical and dental that insurance doesn’t cover, he pays her for carrying them on insurance, we each buy clothes for our respective homes and they split anything else that comes up. He pays her $500 a month which we KNOW is not spent on the children since there is nothing that is not covered.
Regardless of how bad the situation is, do NOT lie about the length of time that you have been separated. This is perjury and you will not be legally divorced if you lie about the separation date. The requirement to obtain a divorce in NC is one year and one day separation. The date of separation is the day that one of you moved from the marital home with the intention of divorce. I don’t recall when you said that you returned home…If she wants you to lie about the date of separation then agree…to wait to draw up the separation agreement until she gets a job. She will think that you mean you will lie and but in reality she will have an income and you could possibly have an even better chance of not paying alimony. It sounds as though all she wants is to get a job, keep the home, and a car that is not owed on, have the children in her care, get $1000 a month in child support, and you pay for anything else. Would she really need a full time job? Is this what she considers “taking care of herself”?
As far as your “indiscretions” in the distant past, they are not relevent. Since you and your wife did not separate due to this, essentially she condoned (forgave) the actions and it has nothing to do with your present situation.

Okay, in addition to my original post, I have some other questions as I haven’t found any answers that hit near the button on my unique situation.


  1. Spouse has not worked in 5 years, has attended some college during the past year and has semi-actively sought employment over the past few weeks.
  2. I’ve been paying all bills, including her hotel, food, gas, cigarettes, etc.
  3. Spouse had an affair (no sex, according to her) while I was deployed and “separated” (I have pictures and phone records that indicate a relationship, although nothing that absolutely proves adultry).
  4. Spouse moved out of primary residence, but insists on my leaving and her returning.
  5. Spouse failed to pay several bills during my absense, despite my earning considerable additional income.
  6. Wife spent money excessively at several bars in town (est. $2500 over 4 months).
  7. Spouse had left 11 year old daughter to watch 7 year old son on several occasions (while out partying)…police were called once, CPS was called once but no significant findings (a few instructions).
  8. Wife had parties regularly at the house which included overnight stays by married and unmarried males/females, some of which slept in our bed with or without my spouse, while the children were present in some cases.

Okay, so now some questions:

My spouse has stated she’ll seek alimony if I don’t give her what she wants (specifically, she wants my paid for vehicle in exchange for her not paid for vehicle). I believe I have strong evidence that she’s violated several of the fault grounds, while I have not (I have in the more distant path, but not recent).

My spouse wants joint custody, but for the children to live with her as the primary guardian, due to my being in the military. In addition, she wants significant child support (approx. 1000/month) despite my having the kids approx. half the time. I believe I have a strong case for custody, should things get ugly, but would prefer to come up with a more decent sum - as my job provides free medical and cheap dental, they would never do without. It might seem lousy of me, but I just don’t want to hand her a check that she can spend as she pleases, I would rather purchase specific items for them (school lunches, clothes, etc) instead.

My wife wants to claim that we’ve been separated for our year once she “has a job” and can take care of herself. Assuming I don’t challenge her on that, am I equally guilty in the lie? We have not lived together since December due to my deployment, she announced her desire for divorce in January and physically moved out (to a hotel) in March.

Thanks for all of your answers, I appreciate any advice I can get.

  • Dave