Spouse coming in and out after leaving


Husband left with girlfriend March 20. Took out restraining order due to harassing calls/texts, threats to me and grown children if I didn’t do what he wanted, and him coming to the house to take things while I was working. It’s been over 3 weeks now since restraining order was filed, but since he is moving from place to place so much to avoid being served, he hasn’t been served. The local police department is telling me he has a legal right to come in the house and take more possessions, to go through my unmentionables drawer (and making it obvious he has done so), etc., because he hasn’t been served. He came in the house yesterday morning while I was still in my housecoat, laughed and offered to call police himself since he would be gone by the time they responded, and took more computer equipment. I’ve changed the locks, but he is breaking in through a window.

I’ve looked at this forum and you guys are saying it’s NOT legal for him to be doing this. He is threatening all kinds of nonsense and just all around being an ass over this. Says he won’t agree to any separation agreement for 12 months until divorce is final, asking, “Why the hurry?” I am continuing to pay all of the bills, as I have for 6 months, even before he officially left. He did leave with his girlfriend back in October, but I took him back to try to work through some drug abuse issues he has had since the girlfriend came into the picture.

I’m also wondering if the date of separation can be “backdated” to the October when he left for 2 weeks since I allowed him to come back home to work through the addiction issues (meth). I don’t believe there was a sincere effort made by him, but rather, it was a rouse to get me to keep paying the bills while he “got better,” meanwhile continuing to sneak around, do drugs, and visit his girlfriend.

Thanks for any legal advice you can give. He started the relationship with the girlfriend in May of last year. I wish I had known then so we could have separated since once he started up with her, the money going to drugs (meth, mostly), the money he gave to her, and his interest in our marriage went down the toilet.


Not a lawyer

If your husband left without the intent to return for residence, you have a legal right to change the locks. You can either purchase new locks or hire a locksmith. I’d suggest hiring a locksmith if your schedule allows because it’s cheaper (~$10 per lock to rekey).


Not an attorney

If he has moved out than you have the right to change the locks legally. If he breaks in, he can be arrested for B+E . You can request that he notify you before he comes over to pick up his things, you can have the police there for you so he can’t intimidate you… Just call your police non emergency # they will help you.

  • not an attorney*

what about getting a security system that notifies the police if anyone enters… then if he gets caught he can be served at the same time
Just an idea


Agreed with everyone above. If he moved out with the intent of not returning then change the locks! This is standard practice for people going through divorce.


First, you should reinforce the windows so he can’t get in the residence. Second, you should tell the sheriff’s department when he comes so they can try to serve him there and/or provide them with a work address so they can serve him at work. You should also contact the police if he shows up, regardless of what he says.

No, since you reconciled, you cannot backdate your separation.

Your post also poses additional issues which need to be addressed. You would be well-served by having a consultation with an attorney in your area to discuss the mutiple issues and determine how you should proceed.