To contact or not to contact


My wife moved out and is having an adulterous affair. I contacted the person she is having the affair with before she moved out and asked him to stop all communications with my wife. Well, that didn’t work. My wife says his wife does not know about the affair. Should I be the one that calls and tells her? My thoughts are that if someone knew what my wife was doing this, I would want to know. Any legal ramifications from contacting her?


Potential Impact #1: The man’s wife sues your wife for AofA/CC. If you and your wife are not considered separated, you are basically getting sued.

Potential Impact #2: If you and your wife have kids and are separated, the man’s wife can wipe out your wife in a AofA/CC suit, causing financial harm to your kids.


What the previous poster put on here is correct in that your wife can be sued for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation. It could affect the financial aspects of the 3rd party as well. That spouse will be entitled to alimony, if applicable and can have him forced from the marital home.
Legally, you need to have proof though before you approach the other spouse. If you accuse him and there is no proof, you could be destroying his marriage and potentially his life. Proof would be the same as what you would use in court. Photo of them together, holding hands, kissing…photo of a vehicle at an unusual hour or overnight at a residence. Recorded messages, e-mails, recorded confirmation of the affair.

On the emotional side of this…don’t expect that this woman is going to be glad you called initially, even if it turns out that you did her a favor. Don’t expect that she will be grateful to you or even believe you. She probably has her suspicions, because there’s no one out there that’s good enough at deception to not leave some sort of sign, but with a lot of people…what they suspect and what they are willing to accept as truth are two different things. If she is not ready to handle this information, it’s quite possible that she will not accept what she is told or sees, will write you off as a loon and promptly forget you contacted her. She could put all the blame on your wife. Women and men handle this type of thing differently and my suggestion is that you find out a little about the other man before you run to his wife with potential life altering information.
Just a suggestion…I know how I would feel if by me telling this information got either of them hurt or worse. You just never know. No matter how betrayed I have felt in the past when cheated on, I know that things have a way of coming back around without my interferrence. You could always force him to be found out somehow but for that to happen, you would need to know more about him. As I said, this is just my opinion.