I just got served tonight and am out of the home. Court date will be this Tuesday.
She is claiming I have repeatedly kicked her out of the bed onto the floor and verbally threatened her.
Monday night she tried to start an argument/fight with me. I didn’t argue back and just went to bed. She jumped in the bed and started trying to push me out of the bed. I just laid there. She called the cops. They came and found no evidence of any assault. In addition they found her to be drunk and me sober and sane. I went that night and filed assault charges with the magistrate and she was arrested later that night. She spent the last 2 nights at a neighbors house.
I have quite a bit of evidence of the following:
alcoholism - she was in rehab in February, plus I videoed myself finding all of her hidden bottles she had hidden all over the garage and bedroom (over 70 empty malt liquor/wine bottles).
adultry - she has add 3 affairs during our marriage, I have computer/chat/email logs from one last April exchanged between her and the guy. I also have some chat logs from this April of inappropriate chatting with an old boyfriend.
abuse - I recorded her sunday while she talked hatefully to me and then tried to start punching keys on my computer while I was working. Also she had been previously recording me, and to try and taunt me Sunday she played her recorder to me, I have that recorded as well. My boys are well aware of all 3 of these (they are 16 and 12).
comfort and lack of fear, I have pictures and my children’s testimony showing her happy and content and not afraid of me the slightest. For example a facebook photo she posted that I took of her and the boys when I took her out for Mother’s day dinner. She came into the house this morning after throwing her cigarette on the front porch and just walked all around the house. I asked her to pick up the butt, but she said “I will after you clean out the garage”. The boys heard this exchange, but in her 50b she says I towered over her and said “there will be consequences”. She also said I followed her every step, but I left before she did.
I am going to get an attorney tomorrow first thing. Will they be able to help me on such short notice?? What else should I try to get??
Edited to add the following:
I told the complete story from Monday night to the following:
police who came
Magstrate when i filed the charges
Domestic victim abuse advocate the next day when I tried to file a 50-B, but they said it wasn’t severe enough :(, because I was being honest. She on the other hand has completely made up an entire story out of thin air.
Sorry you are going through this. The only thing I can say to you is that as far as the attorney goes, you might be able to file a continuance on the hearing so that your attorney can attend you.
This time she has filed a false charge that I violated the 50-B, she said I called her mom and had her relay a message. I did call her mom, but did not ask her to relay a message. Her mom is willing to testify on my behalf. I spent the last 2 nights in jail for this. She completely fabricated a charge against me, can I file against her for making a false statement?
Is there anything I can do to make this stop? I am meeting with my attorney in the morning.
Lastly even if her claims were true, what part of my 50-B did I actually violate? I’ve read over the orders section 15 times and cannot find anything in there ordering me to not call her mom or not even relay a message via a 3rd party. It even allows me to contact my children via the main home phone and says i have to give her and the kids support which would require some kind of contact. I asked the police and the magistrate to show what part of the order I violated and neither could point out anything that I specifically violated. The magistrate got angry with me and screamed, “Don’t call your mother-in-law.” I spent 2 nights in jail for calling my mother-in-law. This is crazy.
My hope is that by the time you read this you will have been vindicated at your return hearing on the 50B. As for contacting a third party to relay a message you are prohibited from doing so while a 50B is in place, as it prohibits all contact to the Plaintiff.
An update, had court date today for the 50b and a protective custody order I filed. Worked with her lawyer and are formulating an agreement that will do the following:
Replace the 50b with a 65 restraining order and work with DA to dismiss all criminal charges (I have assault charges filed against her, and she has the violation of the 50-B against me)
Temporary non-perj custody order that will put me back in the house, give me full physical custody, her with limited visitation, and mandate she have psych and alcohol treatment with me supporting her at a pretty hefty amount. She & her lawyer seemed agreeable at court, but didn’t get the final agreements faxed over to him until around 3:30. So have to wait tomorrow.
In the meantime the 50-B is still in effect, but she has attempted to text me 3x now. One time telling me she hadn’t seen the agreement yet because her lawyer was in another trial, another one asking for gas money and telling me her friend was out of town and asking me what to do, and lastly telling me she wants an apartment in Sanford. I have not replied and have told my lawyer about the 1st one (the others came later in the day).
Does her contacting me not automatically make the 50-B look like a total fake?? She is supposed to be scared for her life because of me as she testified, but here she is texting me asking for instructions??? This is so crazy.
Also wanted to add my lawyer has been awesome. She & her assistant jumped right on this Friday, came in early Monday and had a good plan going in to court today. I went from a jailbird scared I’d be kicked out of my home for a year with only partial custody of my kids, to a plan that if agreed on, will put the kids in the best care and place they can be and hopefully start a treatment plan for my wife.
Having a good lawyer means everything and it is hard to tell. I thought I had a good one, believed everything he said but my case was continued by the opposing attorney13 times with my lawyers blessings…because he was charging against the retainer every time so that by the time we got to trial, 14 months later my retainer was used up and then he quit. Tell your law firm you do not want a continunace and will not pay for it. I tried that towards the end and it didn’t matter.
Be very careful of what you sign in court. Read it 20 times if need be. Make then all wait. If you don’t like something, add your own words to it. Don’t feel pressured.
My 10 day hearing took 14 months. I had limited time with my kids during that time, so limited that my relationship was destroyed. It can be hell. Hope you have sense enough to put her on the back heap of memory and move on, get your boys, build another future. Good luck.
Her contacting you does not violate the 50B, and as crazy as it sounds it is common for Plaintiffs to contact the folks they are afraid off (even if they actually have reason to be afraid).
Well we now have 2 agreements in place. We now have a rule 65 restraining order between us and the 50-B and all other charges have been dismissed. In addition I now have the temporary non-perj custody order in place and I am back in the house and she is out. I am paying pretty hefty support to her, but I’m ok with that. She has to get psyche evaluation and alcohol treatment and has a limited amount of visitation that should be safe for the boys. From my perspective, other than the support amount being a little high (1500 / mo.) I am very happy with this temporary outcome.
The two orders are not 2 days old and she has already violated both of them numerous times, sigh. I’m not going to get into a legal tit-for-tat battle, but at some point I will have to file if she continues to violate the orders. I am keeping my attorney up to date on all events and making sure I comply with all parts of the orders.
Thanks for the answers to my questions on here. I think it is awesome you answer questions on here as best you can for free. Even with my lawyer I think it is good to have a 2nd line of knowledge to fall back on.
With the temporary custody order, can either party attempt to modify/dismiss it? It doesn’t have any expiration on it (open ended). I’m guessing if one party wanted to modify/remove it, and we couldn’t come to an agreement on it, it would go to court?
What about the rule 65 order? Does it stay in effect forever until some motion is filed to dismiss it?
[quote=“oceanjoe”]Having a good lawyer means everything and it is hard to tell. I thought I had a good one, believed everything he said but my case was continued by the opposing attorney13 times with my lawyers blessings…because he was charging against the retainer every time so that by the time we got to trial, 14 months later my retainer was used up and then he quit. Tell your law firm you do not want a continunace and will not pay for it. I tried that towards the end and it didn’t matter.
Be very careful of what you sign in court. Read it 20 times if need be. Make then all wait. If you don’t like something, add your own words to it. Don’t feel pressured.
My 10 day hearing took 14 months. I had limited time with my kids during that time, so limited that my relationship was destroyed. It can be hell. Hope you have sense enough to put her on the back heap of memory and move on, get your boys, build another future. Good luck.[/quote]
Thanks for the advice oceanjoe, and I’m sorry for you experience :(.
I have seen temporary orders modified (they are not just dismissed), but that is only when the moving party can prove a substantial change of circumstances has occurred which would warrant a change.
I cannot say how long the restraining order remains valid without seeing the same, and would suggest you pose this question to your attorney.
