I doubt you will get much traction on abandonment. What do you want? Would abandonment be used a leverage for something?

It is possible, but you would need to talk to an attorney. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been in your position.

Does she make more money than you? If yes then you may get alimony. If she does and has moved out you can get post separation support too. If you are in the home change the locks. Tell her not to come back. Of course all of these actions tend to make people mad. If she is willing to talk then get an attorney to draft a separation agreement that you think is fair. Try to get her to sign it.

I see what you are saying. If she is the one that had an affair and left home, what chances do I have to get primary custody of our children? They have spent at least 60% of the time with me. I do not want to take them away but I also do not want to support her and her life sytle. She is the one that left our marriage not me. I know we will do right by our children, emotionally, financely and in all ways. Like I said I don’t want to pay for her life style. The children get everything the need and most of what they want from both of us. What would keep me from having to pay child support so she will not spend it on herself?

Get primary custody of your children or at least 50% custody. If you get primary she pays you child support. If 50% neither gets child support. I don’t know your chances of getting custody. Many factors come into play there. Age, ability to support the children, least disruption to their lifestyle etc, etc. Hard to say.

so if you have 50/50 then there is no child support paid by either party?

Abandonment is generally an issue when we refer to financial conduct. If she left and you were unable to meet your expenses the abandonment may have an impact on the division of your marital estate. If you make more money than her as a result of the affair she will not receive alimony.

If she left you and the children behind that may have an impact on custody. Her conduct towards the children after you separated will be considered by the court.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com/live for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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It is my belief that a 50/50 arrangement would amount to no child support being paid either way. Run the calculator on this site and see what it says. It is based on gross income.

Document everything that has happened since all this started and even before if you can remember dates or things that happened. If she has left the chidlren with you for the majority of the time, then get an agreement written that gives you primary custody.
Normally, unless you both make the same amount of money and have the children an equal amount of time, one of you will pay child support, if it goes through the courts. You can have a separation agreement stating that neither of you pay the other support and the visitation schedule but if you go to court you will not have the option. I suggest writing up a separation agreement showing you to have primary custody and see if she will sign it. You can also put in the equitable distribution and child support or alimony. If she doesn’t agree to that you can always back down to joint custody with you having the children the majority of the time…tell her it’s for her benefit until she gets settled somewhere or for the children so that they don’t have their lives uprooted any more than necessary; anything that will get her to agree to sign. Consult with an attorney but the more you can work out between you concerning the children, the easier and cheaper it will be.
I’ll give you fair warning though that occasionally, not always, but occasionally, this is when the parent realizes what they may lose and decides to fight. My husband’s ex did much the same thing. Left him for another man, only kept the children with her one night a week (and occasionally left them with someone while she went out that night), and didn’t call or visit them. Was basically out partying until he and I met and he filed for primary custody. Prior to this they had an agreement for joint custody with equal time, he paid her $100 per week and they split everything else down the middle. When we started dating she threatened to take the children and leave, so he filed for custody to keep her here. Then she started to demanded to have them half the time, filed a countersuit for primary custody and began staying home more so she could have them with her. Started trying to prove to everyone in the community who knew both of them what a good mother she was…it was a chaos for a while.
In the end, after they both spent around 10K on attorneys, went through mediation, went to court once with prelim hearing for custody, they settled for much the same custody as they had before. Joint custody with equal time. He pays her child support and everything else they work out as it comes up…

What is considered Abandoment? My wife of 15 years met another man and decided that our marriage was over. I gave her the option to stay, work on our marriage and end the affair or to leave and be with him. You guessed it, she decided to leave. We have given it another try, not living together but dating, and she is ready for divorce. Do I have any ammo for abandoment and can I get any alimony from her?