Best course of action


I have been married almost three years, and have a 17 month old with my husband. Approximately one month after we were married, I resigned from my govt job. We both agreed that I would stay at home with our child until she reached school age. We also knew that once that happened, I could not go back into the line of work I was in, due to age requirements. Coming into the marriage, we both owned homes (he has two and I have one), and he financially made 2/3 more than what I made. He was previously married, and has three adult children. He also has a daughter with another woman that he was not married to (nor do they have any child support agreement filed with any court), and pays approximately $1,000 a month in support, along with other monies he sends to his daughter (ie-$100/month allowance).

I do not foresee our marriage surviving, and want to pursue divorce with full custody and alimony (until I am able to secure a job or complete additional education that will allow me to get a job that doesn’t have the restrictions my previous career holds). A majority of our issues stem from his adult children, one who lives with us (he is going to be 22 yo this year) because he has committed two Class H Felonies, did not graduate HS, went to prison for six months early in our marriage for failure to check in with his PO. He does not have a job, a car (he doesn’t have a valid NC license), is addicted to video-gaming, and has made my life miserable while he has been living with us. The problem is that I had no idea about his felonies prior to our marriage, or that he would be living with us. My husband refuses to address the issue, or the long-term ramifications if he continues to stay in our home with our 17 month old daughter. He has another son that has one felony count in another state, and pending drug felony and misdemeanor charges in NC, along with his middle son who has misdemeanor paraphernalia charges pending. My husband has made it clear that he will not throw his son out on the street, regardless of what he has done or continues to do. Had I been aware of these legal and domestic issues prior to us getting married, I would not have married him, or resigned from my job (which was in law enforcement). I do not want our daughter around his sons, particularly the two who have serious legal issues involving drugs and theft. Any attempt on my part in discussing these matters results in his telling me to go away, and calling me names and yelling at me (in front of our 17 month old).

What can I do regarding divorce proceedings? He has threatened to take her away, that he will never pay for alimony, has become verbally and emotionally abusive in front of our child. I do not feel safe in the presence of his adult son who lives with us because of his son’s background (consistent lying, stealing items and pawning them, fighting and weapons violations while he was in CC for his two felony convictions probation violations), and I am concerned for the safety and welfare of our daughter. Can this reason alone be used as grounds for divorce? Would a court take into consideration these factors in divorce and custody issues?


It sounds like you need to come up with a plan to separate, and that is outside of the scope of this forum. You need a consultation with an attorney in your area to discuss the specifics of your situation to help you come up with the best plan. You can explore filing for divorce from bed and board, to get your spouse out of the marital house.