Deadbeat Mothers - Frustrated & Can't Understand


#1

THANK YOU, THANK YOU , THANK YOU, A LEAST SOMEBODY-ELSE KNOWS ALL DADDYS ARE NOT BAD. I’M GOING THROUGH SIMILAR SITUAION, CHECK THIS OUT, AFTER 14 YEARS MY EX AND I SEPERATED, SHE MOVE OUT, LEFT ME WITH ALL BILLS AND THE CHILD(NOT A PROBLEM), SHE WANTED TO RECONCILE BUT I DIDN’T. WE HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR ABOUT 18 MONTHS AND THE FIRST YEAR SHE PROBABLY SAW MY SON ABOUT 3 TIMES, NEVER A SLEEP OVER AT HER PLACE, HE WAS GOING TO SCHOOL IN DURHAM WHICH IS WHERE SHE WORKED AND MOVE TO AFTER SEPERATION MAKING HER 2-3 MINUTES FROM HIS SCHOOL BUT SHE DIDN’T WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH HIM, NOW I WAS TAKING HIM TO SCHOOL AFTER THE SEPERATION FROM OXFORD TO DURHAM ABOUT 35-40 MILES ONE WAY( M-F)SO WHEN THE 1 YR TIME FRAM CAME i WANTED CUSTODY AND A DIVORCE AND WHEN SHE FOUND OUT THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IS NOW IN MY LIFE SHE HAS BEEN TRIPPING, WE WENT TO COURT AND THE JUDGE STATED THAT I HAD WAY MORE DEBT THAT I CAN HANDLE, SO HE DISMISSED HER ALIMONY CLAIM AND GRANTED HER CHILD SUPPORT AND TOLD ME I MUST SELL ONE OF MY VECHILES AND I CAN’T HAVE NO OVERNIGHT VISITS AT THE MARTIAL ADDRESS BUT I HAVE TEMPORARY PRIMARY CUSTODY AND SHE HAS VISITATION RIGHTS, I WANTED TO THROW MY HAND UP BUT I CAN’T BECUASE I LOVE MY SON, I HAVE OFFERED TO GIVE HER THE HOUSE ,I WILL KEEP ALL MARTIAL DEBT, AND I WILL KEEP MY SON BUT SHE CAN SEE HIM WHENEVER HE OR SHE WANTS ALL I WANT IS A DIVORCE, BUT SHE REFUSING AND TRYING TO DRAG THIS OUT IN COURT THINKING I WILL HAVE TO PAY HER ATTORNEY FEES A CONTINUE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. IT REALLY SEEMS THAT A GOOD FATHER HAS NO CHANCE IN COURT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO ADDRESS THIS NATIONALLY BECAUSE SO MANY GOOD MEN ARE UNJUSTLY DONE WRONG, i EVEN CALLED THE POLICE ON HER FOR BEING IN THE HOUSE AND THEY TOLD ME “HER NAME IS ON THE HOUSE SO SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE THERE” BUT IF IT WAS A MAN THEY WILL MAKE HIM LEAVE OR LOCK HIS ASS UP. I THINK THE WHOLE CUSTODY/CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE RE-EVALUATED BY A TEAM OF PARENTS( MEN/WOMEN). AND THE MEDIATION PROGRESS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, I HAD TO ATTEND A PARENTING CLASS BECAUSE WE DIDN’T AGREE IN MEDIATION. WHEN THE MEDIATOR CLEARLY SEE WHATS GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO.I’M ACTUALLY FED UP WITH IT ALL AND ABOUT TO TELL MY ATTORNEY TO GO TO HELL BECAUSE SHE HAVEN’T DID NOTHING BUT GET PAID. BUT THANK YOU FOR SHAREING YOUR THOUGHTS, TELL YOUR MAN TO STAY STRONG AND IT WILL WORK OUT THE WAY GOD WANTS IT TO.


#2

Thank you so much for feeling the way I do and sharing your dilemma. I truly appreciate guys like you. Wanting to do right, but just can’t seem to find your justice within the system. I commend you for your efforts and I am very proud of you for standing up and putting forth the effort. So many just bend over and lie down. Keep at it - even though you want to quit - keep at it. For one day, you will find the satisfaction from all of this extra stress. Your son will come back and commend you for your efforts too. He will know you are not passing on a cycle of fatherlessness.

If you have found any information while exploring the legal realm, please share. So many fathers can’t afford to give the money it would take to obtain this knowledge.

Thank you again for letting me know I’m not over-reacting or totally stupid about this situation. Be sure to tell your new girl that it doesn’t quit, but no one can steal your joy unless you allow them. But truly you will come so close to wanting to knock some sense into Baby Mama. Tell her to continue to be your support and that you will need that every step of the way along with prayer to maintain your sanity.


#3

Yes the court system is so unfair.some things may slowly change but it will always love women who cause trouble.The love [obsession]of money is the root of all evil.You see this in every profession.Where would the poor attorneys be if all exses got along.Tell every young person to take a good look at their future spouses parents.Watch what they do if they feel they have been wronged.THIS IS HOW YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE WILL TURN OUT.I can only rely on prayer to help me because ex took my entire everything and handed it all to her new boyfriend.I walked away with what i could gather in 30min.All the time judge would allow me.don’t lose sleep at night or drive your self insane with anger.this is the way life in america runs .it will not change.One day your children will be 18 and their mother will have to figure out how to live without your support and your children will be coming to see you on their own.by the way,i have seen some amazing results to prayer.God bless you all…Daniel


#4

Okay if you say so. [:D]

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#5

This is exactly the article i was looking for and i could of almost written this, except i have a few more horrible things i could add. I am the fiancee’ to the best father i know. My fiancee and myself live together with his son and our daughter. We were granted custody after his son’s mother couldnt keep her self clean (off drugs). Now when i first met him i same as the writer didnt break them up i mutually new them and dated my fiancee before they even had theri son. I truly belive the only reason she had her son was to keep my fiancee in her life. I dont know why he F***ing hates her. We’ll just to let you know how much the system sucks and is completely useless i’ll tell you our story. Michael and I work our rearends off day in and day out he even works two jobs just so we can pay our bills and have enough to support the kids in the ways they need to be supported and rewarded. This girl who calls herself a MOTHER. Has not had a job except for like 2 monthes when Michael and I first started dating, has a drug problem, but gets a break everytime something happens. they went to court in one county they ruled for her to only have supervised visits, when Michael feels it is ok. Then just in the last 3 monthes, she goes to another county files for visitation, not only gets it. Thurs. and Sunday this was July 6 when this happened. They also told her they would put her child support on hold for 2weeks so she could get her life together. Give me a break its been 22 years and she still hasnt achieved a thing. She lives with her best friend who is just like her the only difference she has a daughter she cant support. Now if that isnt enough She owes currently $2500 dollars in child support gets arrested for it 3 days ago, and they let her out with $43.00 dollars this is like the third time she has been arrested since July also she hasnt showed up 4 times to see her son and has been late coming or going the rest of the time. Now if the tables were turned my fiancee would be sitting in jail till not a cent was owed. Also, apparently starting Sept, 24 2005 she will be allowed over nite visits. I dont get it. AT ALL their has to be someone who can help us while this bitch keeps getting a free ride. Even when we first started dating and she had custudy we had him all the time. Michael doesnt seem to even care i think he is starting to give up. HE cant though especially since we work so hard this isnt ride when is the last time she got up at 6:00 am or gave her son a bath, mended his cuts and scrapes, read him a book. No all she is, is a playmate and not a parent. He thinks the world of her and that is one of the worst parts. I know that sounds wrong because it is his mother, but you have to understand someone has too she doesnt prove herself as a mother at all. You have no idea the hell we go through and she gets away with it time and time again. Please if anyone has suggestions we would truly appreciate it.

Thank You


#6

I can relate to this all too well. The only difference is that my husband and his ex have joint custody and he does get to see the children. He does everything in his power so that the children do not have to be burdened with the stuff that their mother is putting him through, while she does everything she can to include them in the battles. (Like letting them read the court papers). They are getting old enough to understand some of the stuff going on, but they are still only kids, 7 and 10. She was very young when they married and has never had to be “on her own” or realize what it takes to live and pay your own way. She always had money, no bills to pay (he paid them all) and whatever she asked for was given. They were married for 15 years.
She is the one that left, wanted the separation agreement, and took everything in the house when she left. She didn’t see the children for almost a month after she left because she was out on the singles scene. The separation agreement was signed about a month after she left, because she was warned that if she was caught dating without it she would get nothing, and he and I met about a week later. As soon as she found out about me she lost her mind. She went to the house and took more stuff, so he changed the locks. She came over when I was there to confront me for “stealing her husband” and him kicking her out of the house. It seems that though she didn’t want him, she didn’t want anyone else to have him either. Or maybe that since she was miserable he wasn’t allowed to be happy either. After a while, it just made her mad that I didn’t respond to her at all. I don’t respond to threats or yelling and there’s really nothing, in my opinion, that she and I need to discuss. This has gone on through the entire separation, divorce, and child custody. It finally took the children both fussing at her to stop talking about me, and telling her they were tired of her being angry at me because I hadn’t done anything wrong, before she quit harassing me.
Now that there is nothing left for her to get from him legally, she is trying to use the children again to get more money. (see my post about amendment to agreement?)
She is not using the medical insurance that he carries on the children. She made a big deal out of this before she would sign the papers because she doesn’t have insurance, but then she uses Medicaid for their medical expenses so she doesn’t have to pay the co-payment that his insurance requires. They have the children exactly the same amount of time with joint custody but child support doesn’t appear to be enough to support her and the children.
She filed a claim that he hadn’t paid child support for the beginning month of the court case but the papers weren’t signed until the end of that month so he was still paying her instead of the state. She told the judge that it wasn’t child support because he didn’t write that’s what it was on the check. The judge told her that he didn’t think he would just write her 5 checks for no reason. She believes that the money he gives her should cover every expense the children have and tells the children that he doesn’t pay her enough when she doesn’t have money for their school lunches or notebook paper. There’s no way with joint custody and equal time that $500 a month wouldn’t cover everything necessary. (sitter, lunches, field trips, supplies) They have a separate arrangement worked out for clothes. He is the one that makes their doctor and dentist appointments. He is the one that makes sure their homework is done and correct. He is the one that puts the children first. I have tried to tell him that the kids will see this all one day but I can’t help but worry as much as he does at the influence their mother’s greed will have on them. Will they end up like that? Will they hate him for giving them boundaries and discipline? I try to make sure that he always sees the bigger picture and the possible long term outcome of being the more steady parent. But I don’t understand how a mother can put herself before her children? I know that she loves her kids, but how can you use them and hurt them just to cause pain to someone that you once loved enough to marry?

Sadly, I’m actually glad to know there are other immature, psycho, and overbearing women out there and that my husband’s ex isn’t the only one. This is why I keep coming back to this web site.


#7

That’s why I am not rushing into another relationship…if you date a person long enough (and are willing to OPEN YOUR EYES during the courship) you will see the nice and not so nice qualities.

People don’t change…is just that we are willing to overlook their defects during courtship. This is mainly because there are other things we are concentrating on during courship (I don’t think I have to spell it out for you…).

I guess that’s the way it is…


#8

Long, but need understanding and wanting to vent.

First, I don