Father will not respond


#1

I took my daughter to the psychologist last monday…which will be one week ago tomorrow. The psychologist wants next appt to include the father, his mother, myself and my mother. I notified the father at noon on Monday, right after the appt, via email and text. He didnt reply to me until that evening around 6, saying he would work with me on it, but was angry because I didnt tell him about the first appt. All I asked of him was for him to let me know when would be good for them. By Wednesday, I had heard nothing from him. So, I texted him again, asking what the deal was. He said he and his mom were trying to figure things out. Today is Sunday, and have heard NOTHING from him period. All I need to know from him is what days to avoid making the next appt on, and made that very clear to him. His mothers job is very flexible with her, so theres no excuse for them not getting back with me on what days is or isnt good…I cant set the appt until I KNOW what days will or wont work for them. How long is ample time to give them before I just set the appt myself and let them know when the appt day/time is and notify them…and let it be up to them whether or not they show? They are delaying the process of my daughter getting help from the psychologist. The father never even asked who I took her to, or what the psychologist even said. At what point do I need to take action that the father isnt cooperating with our daughters best interests? What do I need to do? In court, he asked the judge to designate Wed and Thurs for him to get our daughter, so he has her every single Thurs/Fri…and stated that he would not work on those days…and IF he wasnt available, his mothers job was very flexible with her, so it would never be a problem to have someone available to watch our daughter…so Im trying to figure out what the hold up…and repercussions would be…against the father for not doing his part to get his daughter the help that she needs.


#2

Try to be as accommodating as possible, but eventually you’ll have to schedule the appointment and it will be on him whether he attends.


#3

how long is fair and reasonable? we COULD have had our daughter an appt made for this week, which he KNEW I was aiming for because I told him, now, because of HIS refusal to get back with me, it may not be til next week, BUT, if im told that “reasonable” is to wait til the end of this week…it will be a total of 2-3 weeks before I can get our daughter in to see the psychologist again. The psychologist has already said that the amount of night terrors that our daughter is having is NOT normal, nor is her behavior of the amount of attention that she demands from me. So its important to get these visits scheduled as quickly as they can be scheduled.


#4

If he doesn’t even respond to you with proposed dates, barring an order or agreement to the contrary, then you should schedule the appointment at your convenience.


#5

thats exactly what the psychologist said to do. so the appt was set for next wed…to give the father ample time to work it out to be there. father was told when appt date/time is…and of course…it doesnt work for him!! hes demanding that i change it to fit HIS schedule…the ONLY thing he is saying is that appt has to be 3 or after…BUT he refuses to tell me his work/school schedule…so im leaving appt as is because to do it HIS way, id have to miss time off work. he has 2 part time jobs, i only have one part time job…he makes more than i do, so since i was the one that took the initiative to get our daughter help, since he denies her having night terrors at his house, i feel i gave him ample time to tell me what days/times wouldnt work for him. now that the appt is made, hes all into it saying the time wont work…but again, i stress, he refuses to tell me his work/school schedule, so im not playing these games with him anymore.

this brings me to another question. he told the judge under oath, and is in court findings, that he and i could work together as parents. he does EVERYTHING against me. our daughter has a wart on her hand that i wanted to treat, but with a 2-2-5-5 schedule, its near impossible because he wont treat it. i told him in sept last year to buy our daughter pull ups because i was wanting to start working on getting her potty trained. it seemed to be taking too long to get this accomplished, so i asked him in january what his methods were to getting her potty trained…his words were “we (him and his parents) just started, we ask her here and there if she has to go, if she says she does, then we take her”…so once again, not working with me. with her sleep problems, i have asked many times for him to not let our daughter nap past 2…he STILL lets her nap til 3:30 or 4 in the evening…now the issue with the psychologist and him showing no efforts or concerns. he has known about the psychologist for well over a week now, and he has YET to ask who the psychologist is, or what did the psychologist say about her night terrors. so would this be enough to go before the judge to have the custody modified??? he clearly does not have our daughters best interest in mind at all. also, both times that his parents went on vacation, and he had to tend to her by himself, she came back to me with HORRIBLE, PAINFUL diaper rashes…and HE even sent me an email letting me know that “she has a bad rash, that developed that day, and that she complains it hurts”…he clearly does not think much of tending to our daughter and her needs. mental, physical, emotional…so is this all enough to try to get this court ordered changed? with only one session, the psychologist has already stated that this schedule is way too much for an adult, much less for a 2 year old.


#6

You can’t outright dictate what he does with his daughter during his time (ie. nap time), no more than he can dictate what you should do on your time.

If you feel he is outright neglecting her that’s a different story. You could contact DSS, but keep in mind they will investigate you as well.


#7

??? im not dictating what he does with the child during his time. he told the judge…and it is in the court papers that WE could WORK TOGETHER on PARENTING!!! and he is NOT working with me at all on anything. if you dont know the situation, please dont butt in my question to the attorney. when you average 2-3 hours of sleep per night due to toddler not getting in bed before midnight, crying out in their sleep, calling out for mommy in her sleep all through the night, yelling out no in her sleep several times in the night, night terrors, then you can talk to me about what i can and cant ask the father to cooperate with me on. when one of the problems is him letting the toddler take late naps…yes, i do believe i should ask the father to cooperate with me and not let her take late naps. when the wart on her hand is getting bigger because of it not being properly treated, yes, i do believe the father should cooperate in helping me treat it. when the psychologist asks to meet with both parents, yes i do believe i have the right to ask and expect him to cooperate. when the child comes back from his home when his parents arent there to tend to toddler, and has a rash from an ADMITTED in an email to me, that it was a ONE DAY POP UP…so bad that she screams at the thought of you changing her diaper…yes, i do believe i have the right to ask him to cooperate. when shes 2.5 years old now…and had asked shortly after she turned 2 and i ask that we start working on potty training…yes i do believe i have the right to ask him to cooperate…of which he has admitted in a text that hes just now half trying to potty train her… even though he was asked in september to get ready for potty training, such as getting pull ups…ALL of this is about the welfare of the child…and NOT what he can and cant do…that isnt harming her…on his time. Thanks for you invaluable input.


#8

Not a lawyer, but as someone who shares custody of a child…

  1. when you average 2-3 hours of sleep per night due to toddler not getting in bed before midnight, crying out in their sleep, calling out for mommy in her sleep all through the night, yelling out no in her sleep several times in the night, night terrors, then you can talk to me about what i can and cant ask the father to cooperate with me on. <-----> While I agree the father should cooperate, he doesn’t have to.

  2. when one of the problems is him letting the toddler take late naps…yes, i do believe i should ask the father to cooperate with me and not let her take late naps. <–> He does not have to work with you on this.

  3. when the wart on her hand is getting bigger because of it not being properly treated, yes, i do believe the father should cooperate in helping me treat it. <–> You have a right to ask, but because it’s not hurting her well being, he doesn’t have to comply.

  4. when the psychologist asks to meet with both parents, yes i do believe i have the right to ask and expect him to cooperate. <–> While you expect him to cooperate, he doesn’t have to.

  5. when the child comes back from his home when his parents arent there to tend to toddler, and has a rash from an ADMITTED in an email to me, that it was a ONE DAY POP UP…so bad that she screams at the thought of you changing her diaper…yes, i do believe i have the right to ask him to cooperate. <–> Did you ask if he was putting anything on the rash? Over the counter creams as a first attempt to address the issue?

6 when shes 2.5 years old now…and had asked shortly after she turned 2 and i ask that we start working on potty training…yes i do believe i have the right to ask him to cooperate…of which he has admitted in a text that hes just now half trying to potty train her… even though he was asked in september to get ready for potty training, such as getting pull ups… <–> He does not have to agree with your potty training schedule. That’s ok. There’s no such thing as a potty training contract.

No matter how much you want, you cannot parent your child in someone else’s walls. What you feel is best for your child may not be what he feels is best. Would you get upset if he demanded that you stop giving early naps because it was making it to where your child wasn’t sleeping on his schedule? I’d guess so, but that’s exactly what you’re doing to him. Good gracious. Accept the fact that you’re apart. You no longer have a cooperative family unit that makes decisions collectively.


#9

what the heck is ya’lls problem?? warts…did you know that if they grow too deep, they can get into the nerves and cause problems that will potentially lead to surgery to be needed?? potty training…im sorry, but im not going to have a 3 year old still in diapers…thats not good parenting…sleep…i guess if you were in my shoes, and see your child not getting the sleep that she needs due to terrors, etc, and you didnt get any sleep either, i bet you would have a different outlook. when you cant get your child in the bed at a DECENT hour because the other parent insists on letting the child take late naps…and YOU have to get up early to go to work…and the CHILD does not get the amount of sleep that the child needs for themselves…i guess you would just suck it up and not say a word?? Right!!! you know i believe that one. psychologists wants both parents there to try to get to the root of the problem as to whats causing the horrible night terrors…look them up on you tube…child night terrors several times a week…then you tell me that if the father doesnt want to participate…that that is quite alright??? sorry…but this is ALL SELFISH on his part…and definitely not a concerned parent looking out for the best interest of his child. you do not know the entire story, so dont be so darn quick to judge me and put me in my place. diaper rash…yes, he “says” he puts stuff on her to prevent rashes…but his excuse was she “pooped 4 times that day” which caused the HORRIBLE rash…IN ONE DAYs time!!!,…sorry…thats due to NOT CHANGING DIAPERS regularly…letting the child sit in a dirty diaper too long…oh and to make things clearer for you…the HORRIBLE rashes has happened twice…BOTH TIMES were when HIS parents were on vacation, leaving him to tend to the child by himself…he SAYS she sleeps all night long every single night at his house and is asleep every single night by 9 or 10 at the latest, and NEVER has night terrors at his house…i find it very difficult to believe…AND SO DOES THE PSYCHOLOGIST that she has night terrors/sleep problems here, and yet she doesnt there. …this is a father that doesnt really WANT the responsibility of the child…HIS PARENTS did…this is a family FULL OF spite…that would rather see the child suffer, than to admit that this schedule is harming her…and the PSYCHOLOGIST basically said that himself!!! so dont tell me that this father is not doing wrong…when i have a professional backing me up on it…the only question here…is IF this is enough to show the courts that this schedule is NOT working in the best interest of our child, nor is the father working WITH me on parenting…besides waiting on more psychologist appts for the psychologist to say he has enough info HIMSELF to take to the courts…you dont get that i get that he doesnt have to do everything i ask, you dont get that i get that what he does in his own time is his business…what YOU dont get, is this child is NOT being properly nurtured and taken care of mentally and emotionally…but before i file the papers, i want to KNOW that this is enough…or do I need to wait for however many visits it takes for the psychologist to say enough is enough.


#10

and to the ones that think im being harsh…this is what i have to deal with…father refused to get with me on a day/time that would work for him for the psychology appts for our daughter. after over a week waiting, the psychologist told me to set appt, to let the father figure out how to get there. so i set the appt, told the father when it was…gave a 1.5 week notice so that he could work it out. then of all a sudden, he responds…“that wont work”…but STILL refused to tell me what would work!! so i told him it stays as is. keep in mind that he has YET to ask what the doctor said, or who the doctor is. so, i sent him an email yesterday giving him the info…doctors name, the address etc. he calls them today and changes the appt behind my back…and was kind enough to send me an email this evening to let me know. so its already been 2 weeks since our daughter seen the psychologist for the first time…now it will be a month later before we can get her back in there because of her father!!! im TRYING to get in touch with the psychologist to see if he can put my daughter back on the calendar for wednesday. just hope that he can!!