How can I get my spouse out of our house?


#1

I somehow need to get my husband to agree to separate and leave the house in a way that doesn’t incite violence. I haven’t asked him to leave yet but my son and I spent the night in a hotel outside of town and just got home. My husband got home from work a couple of hours ago and the three of us are all in separate bedrooms with the doors closed and no one has spoken since he got here. In the past, husband (S) has adamantly refused to leave and will likely do so again. “Violence” is inaccurate since S doesn’t lay a hand on either of us when he has a mantrum. Mantrum is man tantrum and consists of yelling, cursing, name calling, slamming things around, banging on doors, and blind rage with what can only be described as insane accusations. One example of an insane accusation from this most recent mantrum is that when I moved something of his from the bedroom floor to the garage, it was because I am evil and looking for ways to show disrespect and contempt toward him in dark and sinister ways as a way to punish him or seek revenge on him (for what remains unclear). For the sake of clarity, my actions were directly related to household chores and not meant to be provocative in any way. I avoid provocation at all costs and refuse to engage with him in any way when he is behaving this way.

Our 11 year old son and I both find this scary and upsetting to the point of physical symptoms (shaking, etc.). S does not normally follow us to wherever we are trying seek refuge but he does continue screaming obscenities and “insanities” at top volume for quite a long time after we have retreated somewhere behind a locked door. It can go for as long as an hour and I typically have to turn up the TV really loud to drown him out. During this last mantrum, my son eventually got hungry for lunch and it was necessary for me to enter the kitchen. I would have thought S had calmed down at that point since it had been 17 hours since his initial explosion. I was wrong. He was not calm and immediately started again when he heard me go in the kitchen. So I retreated, at which point my son and I were trapped upstairs with no food and no way out. Eventually S left the house and we ran to the car and drove to the hotel.

I apologize for being wordy and long winded. I don’t think I have been able to adequately describe the fear and anxiety evoked in my son and in me, much, much more so in my son however. The verbal aggressiveness is so crazy, so hateful, and so unpredictable, that the threat of physical aggression is always there. I guess I can’t really describe it but we are unsafe. We are scared to enter parts of our house and I cannot protect my son if I cannot access food for him.

Wow, I didn’t mean to write all of that. The original point is that I don’t have anywhere to go and can’t afford nights in a hotel but S has a couple of places he could go (family, not that he would want to do that) and this is our son’s home where he has friends in the neighborhood and goes to a school we both actually like–not a strong argument now that it is summer. Our two pets live here and I am not comfortable uprooting them or leaving them here with S. without us. Finally, I don’t have an income, zero income, to support us in a different residence situation or even to initially obtain it. Bottom line, it is best for the child and for me for S to vacate the premises instead of us. How can I make this happen in a peaceful way?


#2

Unfortunately there is no good answer to your question; there is no way a spouse can evict another spouse from the marital residence. If you are dealing with volatile behavior and mood swings, however, you can be granted possession of the marital residence (and custody) by obtaining a Domestic Violence Protective Order. That of course is not a peaceful method, however.

The only other way you can get him to move out is if he agrees, or you file a motion for interim distribution and ask the judge to give you possession of the home while you sort out the property settlement.