From your email, I understand there is more than a separation and divorce going on in your life. As always, there are some things family and friends can help you with but ultimately you are the one who will make the biggest difference. From your email, I can tell you have a lot going on. I would suggest writing out a list and begin taking care of the things you can. For example, maybe send out x number of resumes 2x a week. On the first day you will see the differences you are making in your own life and your children’s. Additionally, by taking care of items on your list, you are showing your children how to cope with situations that can often feel out of control. (Make sure you try to take care of at least one item on your list that you do not want to do but that needs to get done.) Getting a job is not easy for anyone but with the holidays coming there should be an increase in the number of jobs at department stores, especially in the paper wrapping area. (Just an idea - not sure what you are interested in.)
As for Christmas, it seems your sister will be helping out. This is an awesome blessing. There are a number of people going through exactly the same thing without any support. If you remain positive, your children will too. Good luck!
Originally posted by PoohBear
After 18 years of marriage, my husband - the man I THOUGHT loved me - moved out, and moved in with another woman. We have 3 sons (ages 7, 12 & 16). I'll admit, our marriage hasn't been a "happy" one for years but I honestly figured that some of this was just him going through "the change of life" as he purchased a new motorcycle out of the blue and started going on "business trips". When we first married, we got along great. I knew going into the marriage that he enjoyed hunting and fishing, and I had NO problem with that. In fact, I supported his hobbies thinking "hey, at least he's not hitting bars and womanizing". After our oldest son was born, he insisted that I stay at home while he worked. I had no problem with this as I loved being a "stay at home mom". He worked long hours and on his days off, would go hunting/fishing and I had no problem with that considering the fact that he was the "provider". However, I learned after I became pregnant with our second son that my husband didn't exactly have his priorities straight. I had a difficult pregnancy, with high blood pressure, etc.. and my Dr. explained to us that my pregnancy was considered "high risk". This didn't seem to phase him, he just brushed it aside saying "oh, she doesn't know what she's talking about". When my due date neared, I was ordered to stay off of my feet as much as possible. This was IMPOSSIBLE as my husband NEVER stayed home -- he was always hunting. He'd even take many of his vacation days off in order to go. The day I went into labor, he was out hunting - as usual, and I was home alone with a 4 year old. Not long after I noticed the first contractions, I started hemmoraging profusely. Naturally, it scared my son to death and by the time I was able to get to a phone and get someone here to get me to the hospital, my house looked like a murder scene! In fact, when my husband finally came home, he saw all of the blood and thought exactly that however, when he got to the hospital (after learning what was going on), instead of being relieved that we were okay, he actually FUSSED at me for leaving the front door unlocked (that was the last thing on my mind). About two weeks after the birth, I was ordered "complete bedrest" -- told to stay OFF of my feet. He was told that I would need someone with me constantly as I could not get up and run after a 4 year old AND take care of a newborn. HE picked up the phone and called MY grandmother (who was in her '70's) in a "panic", asking her to PLEASE come over and help ME with the kids - that I was having problems, so naturally, she came straight over. When she arrived, the first thing she saw was my husband, dressed in his cammo garb, gun slung over his shoulder, heading for the door! She said: "Just where do you think YOU'RE going?", to which he replied: "I'm going hunting". She said: "You SHOULD stay home and take care of YOUR family", to which he replied: "NOTHING is going to stop me from hunting"... When our second son was approx. 17 months old, he was diagnosed with Leukemia and had to start a very aggressive form of treatment. My husband was NEVER there for us. I asked him ONCE to come up to the hospital and stay with our son so I could take a few hours to get something to eat and get a shower. He said that he couldn't because his mother wouldn't let him use her car however, he had NO problem getting a way to go hunting. During all of this time, I started having trouble with my weight. I went from wearing a comfortable size 12 to 4X & 5X. I now weigh over 350 pounds even though I've tried dieting so many times, I've lost count. I also started losing interest in "marital relations", mainly because the only time my husband would TOUCH me was when he was "in the mood". Otherwise, he didn't give me a second glance - unless it was to criticise me. During this time, I had wanted to have my tubes tied because of the high risk of the birth control pills to my health, but HE said he'd just get a vascetomy. Thinking he had done so, I stopped taking the BC pills only to learn AFTER I became pregnant with our youngest son that he "chickened out" and never got the procedure done - saying something about "messing with his 'manhood'".... Needless to say, Since our youngest son's birth, I have refused my husband when it comes to "relations". He NEVER tells me he loves me, he NEVER touches me - unless he "wants some". I am curious as to whether or not HE can use this against me now? How do I start over in the world out there? Since I've been "Suzy Homemaker" all of these years, I have NO experience under my belt. I've been hitting the pavement, putting in applications in EVERY place that accepts them and I've even been called in for a few interviews however, I feel strongly that because of my weight problem, my chances of actually LANDING the job goes out the window! My attorney has told me that I HAVE to find a job so that I'll be able to pay all of the bills now that my husband's gone. I don't think I'll have a problem doing this, if I could just get the source of income! Just a few years after we first got married, my husband had my name removed from our checking/savings account and took over all financial aspects, stating that because I wasn't working and therefore not bringing any money home, that HE'D be responsible for all of that - I "needn't worry my little head about that kind of stuff". By the time he decided that he no longer loved me, I was/am COMPLETELY in the DARK as to how much money is in his checking or savings account as well as what kind of debt we owed. He WAS kind enough to give me 1 credit card, which I've used over the years to purchase clothing, food, meds., etc.. for the boys. I don't know HOW many credit cards HE has, but I DO know that he used MINE to buy himself $350.00 worth of "Leathers" (for riding his motorcycle during cold weather). Now, he's telling my attorney that I won't give him his winter clothes although I've already given them to him. His main gripe is that he wants the leather clothing. I intended to KEEP these, at least until he reimbursed me for what he owes (he DID give me $110.00 towards them) however, my attorney is now insisting that I let him have them. I feel backed into a corner and I feel that my attorney is not "fighting" for me as hard as I KNOW he can (and I feel he SHOULD). He's (my attorney) seen first hand that my husband will say/do anything to get HIS way, like "forgetting" to mention income and trying to use scare tactics to get me to sign the settlement papers (which definitely lean in HIS favor)! My husband feels that he has me over a barrel and now my attorney is making me feel that is probably the case. I know about the saying "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger", but I just don't know about this. I've NEVER felt so desperate in all of my life! NOW on top of all of this, Christmas is coming up and I have NO WAY of getting "Santa" for my kids. My oldest son understands and bless his heart, he is doing everything he can to keep ANY cost down for my sake however, my youngest son truely has NO idea that Santa's BROKE this year. My sister contacted me and told me that she and her husband will be playing "Santa" for them this year and part of me is SO grateful, yet the other part of me is ashamed. I just don't know how to go on......
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