How do you make this emty pain go away?

I have been with my wife for 17 years, I have two girls 13 and 10 and sat I came home to a letter that said we needed to end our marriage. She is moving to Florida with her parents in about a month. She has never been able to leave her parents nest. My question is, How do you deal with this pain,lonelyness the empty feeling? I hate this and not sure what to do.

She said i can have the house and car and only wants her and the girls stuff. said she will not seek child support, man this hurts…

I’m really sorry for your pain. Probably the best thing you can do is for you to find a professional to talk to about it. You need someone non-judgmental and in a secure setting who can listen and help you through this tough time. There are services that adjust their fees on a sliding scale if you don’t have enough money. Keep in mind that you are grieving, no less than if you had lost your family in an accident. Be gentle with yourself and try to make sure that you treat your body well. Get plenty of sleep, eat well, and stay away from drugs and alcohol because while they may dampen the pain in the short run, in the long run, they make it worse.

Do make sure that you arrange to see your girls on a regular basis and keep touch with them even when you are unable to see them. If you are in a position to care for them, perhaps you could consider filing for custody of them, if that’s what you want. (…and it’s easier to do before they’ve left the state than to demand that they be brought back).

I wish you the best.

sorry you are going through all this. i think you can do something about still seeing your kids.

i am the one seeking a seperation and beleive me i dont know yet how to make the pain go away. i am trying to deal with the pain and not escape it. and do cognitive stuff like okay this is a feeling and this is a thought and there is nothing wrong with this or there is something wrong with that… when i start feeling really sad, i tell myself that happiness and love are suppose to be part of my life experience and i need to move towards those things in my life. i see a counselor 6 free sessions through husbands work and it helps. i am sure there are sep/div support groups.

If she said those things, make sure you get it in writing and have in notarized. I know it is hard, but make sure you have your bases covered.

On another note, really, all you can do is focus on yourself and learn how to rebuild yourself as an individual. It will take some time, but in the long run you will be glad you did it. I wrote about my experiences with divorce and coping with life afterwards. You can read that here.

Most important thing you can do is get counseling. It helps to talk it out.
Support groups, prayer, church and staying busy.
Stay away from bars, booze and too much medication.
Time heals all wounds, but every heart takes time to mend.
Exercise, or a hobby (something old or new helps) and lots of good family & friends for support.
Write/Call/Visit your children & keep that bond strong.
God Bless You & strengthen you during this difficult time.

#1. Do not believe her when she says she will not seek child support.
#2. You can get emergency action by a judge, a lawyer can do it better that will prevent her from leaving until you have an agreement. The children can be asked about how they feel, although they are young enough to be intimidated by the mom. File a motion for her to appear in court, serve her and she cannot leave until it’s heard before a judge.
#3. Social services is an option.
#4. Never give up on your kids, They are the main focus now. I have lived through the same hell and it is not pretty nor is it ever over. Time will NOT heal this but you can start believing in yourself as you learn to exhaust all the avenues. Don;t let it drop. Do not just accept it. Don’t ever get abusive or threatening or it WILL vanish in the blink of an eye. Set the standard for reclaiming your rights.
Come back to this reply and I will send you to some places that might help.

Hello again remaincalm,

I hope since your last post that you have found support to help you through this difficult time.

Everyone’s experiences and healing processes are different. Remain diligent to keep a hopeful, positive attitude during the rough patches (I know that is hard, but this day will pass). Your children are still the love of your life, Keep in contact & celebrate the blessing that they are.

Divorces are painful & can be difficult for many to recover from, but in time, with hopeful expectation of a future that is still in front of you; You WILL Heal. Wounds turn into scars eventually, and eventually scars turn into a story. Don’t let your heart get bitter or poison your future with negative thoughts. This day is difficult enough! Decide TODAY you CAN get through this…

Just remember one thing along the way…

You did NOT lose your value as a person or parent. Your still important, valued , appreciated & loved!

Remember that when you feel lonely or down.

This goes out to EVERYONE who’s Heart has been wounded.
God Bless You.