How to respond

If at all possible, make a schedule that works for you and stick to it. If he shows up unannounced let him know that this is THE last time and you will be calling the police if he shows up again. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, family, friends…no one else matters but your child. You are the mother and you have to do what is right for you and your child. Take back control. If you have a schedule set up then you stick to it. If he shows up and it is not on the schedule then DO NOT let him see the child. If he’s angry about this then suggest that you and he can sit down and work out different schedule that will work for both of you but that disrupting your life and your child’s routine is not helping the situation. Children have it hard enough during divorce, and it should be both parents responsibility to make it easier.


Greetings. Why don’t you make the schedule? Put it in writing, send it to him, keep a calendar of when he shows and when he doesn’t. If he shows up at a time that is not agreed to, just don’t answer the door.

The other option is to have an attorney draft up a schedule/agreement for you and negotiate the same with him. Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

my ex in the past wanted to drop by for visitation any time he felt like without announcement most the time. i had told him to make a schedule which he has never done to this date and yet will somewhat berate me when possible in court of public on the few occaisions we speak…and make me look like i try to keep him away from the kid. a judge told him lately that he should file for the schedule but yet has failed to do this. he has been a complete deadbeat, abusive personality over the years with little caring for the kid but over the years at times has a few times expressed dismay about the visitiation. i feel he is very dsyf. in not making a schedule but at times too feel some flack from relatives or my son as if i AM trying to keep him away though the reality is he is a deadbeat and doesnt care and is selfish too and ignoring someone is a form of abuse. any suggestions how to react to him or his ways on the spare of the moment or how to deal with him. i usually end up being inwardly upset around him and i have some medical cond. aggravated by stress too like asthma etc…